I was having a wretched day, suffering from seasonal allergies so bad I want to tear my skin off. Add to this uncertainty about planning/booking our late-semester vacation and the usual end-of-semester-workload blues and it was clear I needed an injection of cheer.
Since it worked last time, the answer was of course a Happy Meal! So here we go again…
Well now, what a coincidence: there’s an Avengers: Endgame promotion in effect! I stifled excitement as I ordered, pulling my head further into my hood so the octogenarian beside me didn’t judge.
“Can I have Thor?” I asked the server?
“You can have two!” he responded with a smile. I hadn’t yet ate and my lunch was already grand!
There’s my meal, which cost a total of $3.26! Not bad for a burger, fries, apples and a drink. Plus you get a toy! As I unpacked all this I could feel my spirit soaring.
There’s something very familiar about a Happy Meal. The tastes haven’t changed in decades and the quantity of food is perfect not just since I eat less now but also because the meal ends just at the point at which the flavours become repulsive.
My burger was notable. Not due to taste or texture, but because the overly dry bun stuck in my half-swollen throat nearly every swallow, thus distracting me from the slightly rancid taste of the overly flaccid fries.
In fact one bite I almost did choke, and as I wildly grasped for my beverage to wash it down I questioned whether Maccas should return to the days of pink slime if only to lubricate their food. I ate on cautiously, reminding myself that no meal – not even this one – was worth dying for.
Iron Man apple slices (acidic and rubbery) soon made the burger a memory, and as I ate I pretended not to notice the pair of obese retirees who were apparently enjoying a lunch consisting entirely of an insane quantity of chicken nuggets. I don’t think they saw me, since I was behooded and half-concealed by the inexplicably (for 10:30 am) overflowing trash receptacle.
With the food gone it was time for the toys. Prepare to be astonished:
Yes my friends, such was my Antipodean charm that I got not one but two toys! There are apparently 14 different ones to collect, all of which have stunningly sculpted likenesses of the actors in the films. Of course lightning-maestro Thor is best, and as you see I got both versions, including him wielding Stormbreaker and the other of him wearing a futuristic suit from… um… what the hell is that weird suit?!?
And it glows?!?! I’ve seen every MCU film and have no idea what this version of Thor is supposed to be, so I’ll assume it’s a glimpse into Phase Four…
I didn’t forget to punch out my Avengers security card before leaving, and as you can see the entire food + toy experience had definitely turned my frown upside down. It may not have been the best lunch I’ve ever had, but I can say in all honesty it absolutely was the best lunch I had today…
Checked the price of a Happy Meal here: $5.30 or $7.55, depending on the rugrat’s appetite for chicken.
Those figures are *awful*. The head looks like it belongs to some other person from some other franchise. I’d be more inclined to believe it was a famous Norwegian cross-country skier than Chris Hemsworth.
Glad your day improved, though.