So we saw Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li last night and, well, um, well it was probably the worst movie that will ever be made.
Kristin Kreuk plays Chun-Li, the sexy Chinese martial artist. Only not only does she not even slightly resemble the character, but the character she plays in the film doesn’t really have anything to do with Chun-Li.
On the left is the ‘real’ Chun-li (an official piece of Capcom Chun-Li art) and on the right is Chun-Li from the film. Apalling!
Anyway, looks aside, the plot was absolutely terrible. Street Fighter is hardly known for dramatic characterization, but between the many games over the years we have deduced that Chun-Li is an interpol agent who is out to avenge the death of her dad at the hands of the villanous Bison. In the movie she is a concert pianist who is taught martial arts by some dude who used to be in the Mortal Kombat films, and goes to Bangkok on a sketchy premise to defeat the guy who kidnapped her dad. There’s a bunch of other meaningless stuff thrown in, but frankly it’s hard to care or even be interested.
And then there is Bison. Again, compare game art (on the left) to the Irish dude who plays him in the film:
And yes, I snuck another image in at the end there didn’t I? That would be Raul Julia, who played the role in the dire 1994 Street Fighter film. That movie was so bad it eventually led to the melting of the polar icecaps. It was so hated by each and every human on Earth, that there was no doubt another SF film would never be made. And yet it now has been, and glory be to Jesus and all the Heavenly Hosts on High it’s even worse!
KLS (during the film): “This should have been a TV movie…”
Me (replying): “Next week it will be!”
If you’re going to make a Street Fighter movie then holy god aim it at the fans! That trash garbage celluloid nightmare from 1994 at least attempted… take a look at these astounding images:
< Guile
< Cammy (& Chun Li)
Back in 1994 we laughed how little these actors resembled their characters, but they were dead-ringers compared to in the new film. We jeered and we mocked back then but we were damn fools for not realizing that if it wasn’t for that turgid disaster of a film we never would have seen Kylie Minogue in cosplay!
< Was her agent asleep?
(Ok, I got sidetracked there…)
Anyway the bottom line is that the new Chun-Li film is utter crap. It is boring, poorly scripted, hellishly acted (“He walks through raindrops…”) with the most boring fight scenes ever and numerous useless characters that have nothing to do with the plot. It is A SLAP IN THE FACE OF EVERY LIVING THING IN THE UNIVERSE.
I’m going to pretend I never saw it, and instead imagine that any Chun-Li film ever made would certainly contain the following image:
(If you want a good laugh, check this out)