When I was a tiny lad, I once asked my father why I had been placed on this Earth. I remember his response as if he just spoken it: “Son, each man must forge their own path in life, but I believe that your destiny will include reviewing at least 70 chicken ramen products on your blog.”
Dad, this post is for you.
Dosirac Artificial Chicken Instant Noodle (370 Calories, 15g fat, 1550 mg sodium)
Rectangular bowls for these products are rare, so this caught my eye when I saw it for sale in NYC the other week. Before preparation it was unremarkable, but when I opened the seasoning bag and saw bright orange powder inside my ‘spicy’ alarms went off.
It prepared easily and the noodles cooked well, although I was a bit dubious of the weird chunks that floated up from underneath the noodle brick. The smell was ok so I steeled myself and tasted what I assumed would burn my mouth like fire. I was wrong: it wasn’t spicy at all. Instead it just tasted absolutely awful, like alien vegetables broiled in salt water. In fact, it was one of the worst instant ramen products I’ve ever tried, and was so bad I almost gagged. It triggered me!
An instant and unequivocal 0/10, or even -100/10 if I returned to my outlandish grading schemes of four years hence.
Maruchan Wonton Ramen Chicken (480 Calories, 24g fat, 2040 mg sodium)
I bought this curiosity some time ago and it seems to have disappeared from the shelves so I wonder if it already failed? It’s from Maruchan – no stranger to grocery aisles or indeed this blog series – and comes in a massive coconut-sized bowl. It’s a chicken ramen with wontons!
Firstly let’s address the madness that this product claims to contain three servings. Do they assume this will actually be shared? Is this a family dinner? Foolishness! But for one person it contains a stupendous amount of fat and sodium. Why isn’t it half the size with fewer wontons?
It prepared identically to any other ramen (aside from needing about twice the water) and tastes more or less like any other Maruchan chicken ramen, which isn’t a bad thing at all. But the wontons are a failure: they’re flaccid and tasteless and in my opinion offered very little. Just for taste I’ll give it 7/10, but it’s far too big and a normal Maruchan chicken ramen is a better buy.
Nissin ‘Zero-Second’ Chicken Ramen (362 Calories, 7.1g fat, 362 mg sodium)
And this we arrive at the 70th chicken ramen product reviewed (there have been other ramens in the companion series), and intriguingly this is a slight departure in that it requires no water!
The origin of this product is apparently an internet meme from several years ago where people in Japan started eating instant ramen without cooking it. Nissin – creators of ramen and still market leaders – took inspiration and released this version of their popular chicken ramen that is supposed to be eaten as a dry snack. It even says on the packaging that you should not add water. Apparently this is a salty snack that goes well with beer.
To me… this was a dud. It tastes as you’d expect: uncooked ramen noodles with a slight salty taste, and both the texture and taste I found disagreeable. I nibbled a few chunks to see if it got better and it didn’t. Into the trash then, for this 2/10 product.
Seventy reviews of chicken ramen?!? Could there possibly be more out there I have yet to try? In the world of instant chicken ramen, I’ve learned to expect the unexpected 🙂