I went to the 2026 Altamont Fair today. This is our local fair and I hadn’t been in years, and since we didn’t go to any fair last year this was my first fair in two years. Today was the opening day so my ticket was only $10. Here’s some of what I saw…

As usual there were a lot of animals being exhibited. I liked this goat’s ears, but only after I photographed him (her?) did I realize that he was eerily motionless. No movement at all, not even blinking. Maybe he was asleep? It was a little creepy so I fled.

This sheep was the opposite: full of vim and character. He was sitting, resting his head on his friend’s back, and became very interested in my camera. Many of the sheep were shorn and I assume he would be eventually. I’m sure he was looking forward to it since it’s hot today.

In fact it was very hot! My phone said 86F/30C, and I’m sure I got a little sunburned as I walked around. I had plans to catch the circus but the advertised show wasn’t happening since they were still setting up the tent! That was disappointing 🙁

I believe this hen’s name is ‘Draco Malfoy’ (after the Harry Potter character). And yes she’s a hen since they made that clear under the name tag! Many of the birds were named after characters from games or movies including one who seemed to be called ‘Bugs Bunny’ which could potentially be confusing.

Speaking of rabbits there were hardly any on display and those that were had a fence around them so you couldn’t get closer than about six feet. Maybe there’s a rabbit disease going around?

I was feeling light-headed and needed sugar so I bought a single donut. It was dry and got caught in my throat but seemed to do the trick and give me some energy. At $2 though, it was a ripoff.

The food in general was outrageously priced. $9 for a lemonade, $15 for a funnel cake, $15 for fries and $20 for two slices of pizza and a drink? This is madness. I noticed very few of the food stands even displayed prices, which is a sure sign they’re too high. Taking a family to the fair and eating is prohibitively expensive now.

Speaking of food, how about a cup of Dr Pepper with a big pickle inside it? I wonder how much this cost?

The vendor booths have sunk to new lows. All the usual stuff is still there: hucksters selling knives or Tupperware or blankets, but many of them now also include tables of Chinese trash like squishies, bootleg K-Pop demon hunters items or bootleg Pokemon cards (all insanely overpriced of course). Given you can buy this stuff at any mall for less, who would buy it at the fair?

I also saw a table with two – admittedly impressive – life sized statues of Superman and Spiderman and a guy was beckoning kids over for photos. It was a bit… weird so I lurked and watched as a family stopped and a boy stood next to Superman while his dad took a photo. Then the guy at the booth asked the child about Jesus!!! It was an evangelical bait-and-switch booth! Somehow I controlled myself and walked away.

Let’s discuss the art contests. Above we have the first and third place winners of the annual scarecrow contest. Can you guess who these are? I’ll give the answers at the end of this post.

The photo and painting contest entries by kids were ok, but the adult categories raised my blood temperature a bit. Not only were some blatantly AI art, but I’m not too proud to say I’ve taken many photos this past year better than any of the real ones. Perhaps I should actually enter the contest next year?

Anecdote time. Back in the supermarket days I used to work with a girl who supposed herself the creative type and once asked if she could take photos of me ‘in the forest’ and enter them into a state fair photography contest! It never happened, but I once let her cut my hair since somehow she obtained haircutting tools and a bunch of us allowed her to use them on us. She was a true character, but I don’t even remember her name…

The rides were impressive. They had a gigantic wheel, a large rollercoaster, a colorfully painted Zipper and all the usual favourites. The only ‘new’ thing I saw was this one called ‘Artificial Intelligence’ which was a big wheel that spun on an arm that also rotated. Unfortunately I didn’t see many of the rides running since the midway didn’t open at the scheduled time. I stayed half an hour longer and the lines to ride the rides had become quite long but even then nothing had started.

Returning to the prices, tickets to ride were $1.50 each, or you could get them for $1.20 if you spent $50. Rides cost 4 to 7 tickets each, so (at minimum) $4.80 to $8.40 for a single ride. Imagine again a family attending this event. The parents have somehow gotten over the sticker shock of dinner and now they’re regretting ever coming to the fair when they notice the ride ticket pricing! I could easily see a family paying $50 per person to go to this fair if they ate and rode a couple of rides each.

Infinite ride wristbands do exist, but you could only buy them online and sales ended before the fair even opened! They had special lines on each ride for people with wristbands and I saw noone in any of those lines.

Back in my day – only forty years ago – I’m sure we had hours and hours of fun at The Newcastle Show for $20 or less. Those days are gone forever, I should just let them go.

At least some of the rides – like this kiddy walkthrough fun house – still have beautiful artwork. Not all though, since the specter of AI art has absolutely made its way onto amusement rides. Here for instance is the art on the side of the ‘Artificial Intelligence’ ride:

The carnies are as scary as ever. After taking the above photo I turned and spied one eyeing me with a murderous glint in his eye. I lowered the brim of my fashionable hat and hurried away.

I’ll end with this effigy to a nameless god I discovered in the circus museum. Many of the ‘attractions’ at the fair are hopelessly dated, with the circus/farm/tool/car museum displays not having received updates since the 20th century.

That leaves the animals, circus, food, rides and vendors to draw a repeat crowd. Animals are always great but there were fewer than ever this year. The circus wasn’t even ready today, food and rides were criminally overpriced, and the vendors either sold garbage or were creepers.

Maybe it would have looked different to a child (with rich parents), but to me this fair seem like it’s only living on yesterday’s memories.

(Scarecrows: ‘Phoebe from Friends’ and ‘Kramer from Seinfeld’)