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Return Of The Comic Ads!

Thursday, November 7th, 2013

Once again my friends, I obtained a pile of comics at NYCC the other week. The pickings in the 25-cent bin were slim, and I’d be lying if I said any of the books I purchased were actually good. But the ads my friends, the ads! As I will show you here, some shining examples of playing to the dreams and fears of children were to be found in those musty books…

I’ll start with something relatively tame. The above ad (from a 1966 comic) answers the question in every child’s mind: “What can I do to be more interesting?” Of course it has particular relevance to readers of comics, who no doubt were unsatisfied with their amateur sketches of superheroes. Props to the copywriter who came up with the criminally obvious lie wonderful tagline: No Talent! No Lessons!

The above advert (from a 1980s comic) is fundamentally the same: selling a product that promises to make life more interesting. But oh my god, what the hell is this ad talking about? ‘The Badge of the Future’??! Learn what at home in spare time? How to sleep under pines or catch breakfast from icy streams? I can only imagine the disappointment that resulted from ambitious youngsters sending away for the above and quickly learning that their future was not actually Grizzly Adams.

Most comics of those days include ‘get-rich-quick’ ads designed to separate children from their pocket money via what must be only a technicality away from a pyramid scheme. And then we have ads like this one (from a 1980 Star Trek comic) that deliver a more enticing promise: be a salesman! In particular, this product must be a sure thing, appealing as it no doubt does to millions of prospects every year! I wonder how many children believed that, and how many fewer actually made any money selling these things. My guess is very, very few.

Here’s an advert from 1980 for an upcoming blockbuster film:

What’s that you say? You don’t remember the shameless Jaws ripoff beloved and heart-rending film Orca? To quote an amazon reviewer: “It’s hard to say which aspect of this film is the stupidest”…

…the art in the ad is amazing though isn’t it! 😉

Anyway, moving on to the other type of advert very common in comics – ads selling stuff to kids. Here’s a few notable examples:

Even today, I only have to read the ‘Can be heard 5 miles‘ headline to know that as a kid I would have sold body parts to obtain one of these. This is also from the 1966 comic, and one wonders exactly what these products were and specifically what they fired. If the claim was even half true, it seems unlikely that these would have been legal!

Jump forward to 1981 and this amusingly bad ad for licensed Star Wars caps. The sketches look like they took someone at least one second! And if you’re going to sell Star Wars merchandise, why caps?! How many kids bought these and wore them to school and got beaten senseless as a result?

Speaking of being beaten senseless because of something you are wearing, check out this from a 1983 Conan comic…

…was that really a successful ad?

As usual, I try and leave the best for last, and I believe I have two absolutely epic advertisements this time. Let’s start with one from a 1981 Star Trek comic:

Ok let’s analyze this point-by-point:

1) This product lets you dominate the minds of others…
2) Including complete strangers…
3) To do anything you want…
4) ‘Willingly and cheerfully’…
5) Without even knowing you are doing it!

I’ll be honest and admit I never knew this product existed, and frankly now that I do I am unsettled. Every moment of every day I may be being controlled by an unknown mind-puppeteer who, 32 years ago, purchased this product after reading a terrible Star Trek comic. The thought gives me chills.

On the other hand, now I know this is possible I need to obtain this product myself! The mind boggles at what I will achieve when I can dominate everyone secretly, and at the very least we’ll probably see more stuff like this in the world:

That said, I think the powers bestowed by witchcraft were more expansive 😉

Could there even possibly be an ad that makes you double-take more than the above? Yes my friends, sadly there is:

I thought the live seahorses was bad, but sending live monkeys in the mail?! Even though it was less than 50 years ago, this really makes me reflect on how different the US was back in the 1960s (which is when this ad was ran). Did anyone take advantage of this offer? How many monkeys were mailed? How many survived, or were released into the wild? And how many were dressed in cute costumes and forced to put on shows? Incredible.

Posted in Animals, Art, Books & Comics, Miscellaneous, The Unknown, Time | Comments Closed

Twenty Things We Saw At Another Fair

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

After the fair last week, one of KLS’s workmates suggest we visit another fair, about 90 minutes south of here. Everything about it was supposed to be bigger and better than Altamont, including the rides.

We had to go!

So go we did, to the Duchess County Fair in Rhinebeck, NY. We got there shortly after it opened and stayed for more than six hours. Quite simply, this fair had more to see than could ever be seen and more to do than could ever be done.

We tried though, and here is some of what we saw:

1) County fairs celebrate agriculture and farming, so is it a surprise to see something like the above? What about…

2) The JCB ‘dancing diggers’ performance. Such hydraulic power! Such structural integrity! I have never seen such a beautiful performance of choreographed excavators before!

3) We saw a robot named Oscar…

4) And an old master painting a masterpiece onto a mirror!

5) The food selections were mind boggling. KLS had a crab cake platter, and I…

6) had a lamb gyro. I was planning on getting a corn dog later but… I’ll get to that…

Lets talk about the animals! There were a bazillion of them there, representing countless different species, for example:

7) Porkers…

8) A tiny horse…

9) An evil giant bird…

10) An insane, metal-eating armor-clad sheep…

11) A lazy bugger…

666) And Satan!

We also saw camels, long-jumping hounds, rabbits, fowl, monkeys and even two coatimundi!

13) Here we see KLS next to the prize-winning Christmas tree. Every type of plant you could imagine was being shown and judged including…

14) A room full of flowers!

15) That’s the prize-winning Dahlia. Can you grow them this well?

16) Speaking of prize-winning, here’s a remarkable piece of art we assume is The Greatest American Hero:

And of course, we saw the rides! Unlike Altamont, rides were not included in the entry price and cost about $5 each. There were dozens of them in all shapes and sizes, three of which I was very interested in riding. They were:

17) ‘The Claw’, a contraption with so many axis of rotation it may outdo The Zipper! Looking at it, I knew it would ruin me 🙁

18) The ‘Sky Diver’, a sort of leveled-up Ferris Wheel in which you’d spend half your time upside down!

19) The ‘Fire Ball’, known to aficionados like myself as the ‘Superlooper’. I hadn’t ridden one in 30 years and even though I feared it would ruin me the pull of nostalgia was strong. I sat KLS on a shady seat, shuffled off and before I could change my mind purchased a ticket from a grizzled felon, hopped on the ride and buckled myself into the front seat. Here’s what I looked like immediately afterwards:

20) Yes my friends, I was ruined. Even now, almost a day later I can remember the dizziness. I curse the god that makes me sick on all these wonderful rides I love :< After, I noted that I was significantly older than almost every person riding any ride. Have I outgrown these things? I hope not. Post-fireball illness aside, the fair was spectacular. We will certainly be back next year 🙂

Posted in Animals, Art, Family, Food, Miscellaneous, Tech | 4 Comments »

Twenty Things We Saw At The Fair

Saturday, August 17th, 2013

It was time once again to visit the annual Altamont fair! It doesn’t change much from year to year, but I can’t resist the lure of the rides! Here’s twenty things we saw today:

1) A new ride, called ‘Pharoah’s Fury’. Basically a version of the Pirate Ship, this was notable for the 90 degree maximum incline that created sustained zero-g. KLS was screaming almost non-stop. A very fun ride 🙂

2) Another new ride, called ‘Vertigo’. I was impressed with how high it was! Unfortunately, since it’s a rotator, I didn’t ride it due to motion sickness.

3) All the old favourite rides returned, staffed by the usual gang of creepy ~~murderous ex-felons~~ carnies. We saw a guy ‘fixing’ The Zipper using a piece of string (not a joke!)

4) I saw KLS eat delicious fries with me, shortly after I had eaten a hamburger myself.

5) We saw this device, but for the life of us couldn’t work out what it was called or what it was supposed to do:

6) We saw a tiny, tiny goat:

7) And a kangaroo with a joey in it’s pouch. She bent down to eat some grass and the joey ate as well!

8) We saw a very special duck…

9) And an evil looking chicken…

10) And a happy sheep… in a barn full of happy sheep 🙂

11) Over in the art contest displays, we even saw Doctor Who!

12) Nearby, the first prize winning scarecrow wasn’t perhaps as scary as you’d imagine:

13) Here is a princess being defended by a dragon:

14) Heading back to the midway, past the vendors selling spa’s, blenders and insurance, I found an unusual sight!

15) We didn’t go on that many rides, mostly because they almost all go in circles. The Ferris Wheel is always fun though. Right next to it this year was a ‘cryptozoology museum’ with some extraordinary art hanging out the front:

16) Oh, I almost forgot! The giraffe was back:

17) As was the circus we saw last year. We didn’t go since we were a bit tired and it was very, very hot.

18) The games on the midway are as dubious as ever. Surprising prizes this time around included live goldfish and knives!

19) The animals are fun, but for me the fair is always about the garbage food…

20) And the big, noisy, scary and quite possibly life-threateningly dangerous rides:

I just wish I was 12 again, so I could ride them all without getting sick 🙂

Posted in Animals, Family, Food, Miscellaneous, Tech | 1 Comment »

Claudine & The King Of Goats

Sunday, August 11th, 2013

Last night I went down to lower city for some more exploration, this time by night.

As it turns out, we visited Quebec (purely by chance) during ‘The Festival Of New France’ and the city (especially lower town) was full of people in period costume, such as this:

And this:

There was a particularly large density of them in lower city last night, including some actors playing roles. This next shot shows a fishmonger pulling has cart into the darkness:

And here’s a bear!

The fireworks were lengthy and spectacular. Everyone in Quebec turned out to watch them 🙂

The next day, our last in Quebec, started with a visit to The Citadel.

This fort atop the highest peak in the city was built by the British to defend Quebec from the Americans. It was never actually attacked, and although an active base is now open for tours.

Although a bit rushed (due to tourist volume I suspect) our guide Claudine did a good job and we learned a lot. But were I to distill the experience to one image it would be this:

Holy Moses a goat in armor! This is (a statue of) Batisse the mascot of the regiment posted at The Citadel. The first Batisse was a gift from The Queen and the bloodline continues to today’s goat, who takes part in the changing of the guard every day! Batisse is a high level goat!

Here’s Jim eating poutine for lunch:

Can you guess from the photo what I had?

We did some other stuff, such as visiting churches and a nunnery and even the birds again…

…and then I saw the worst bear souvenir ever made…

…before we hopped on the train back to Montreal! Tomorrow back to Albany and a much needed vacation to recover 🙂

Posted in Animals, Pets, Trip | Comments Closed

Apotheosis of The Machine Brain

Saturday, August 10th, 2013

It’s 8 pm and I’m sitting on the promenade outside the ~~castle~~ hotel overlooking the Saint Lawrence river. There will be fireworks later; people are everywhere! It will be a fun end to a busy day!

Here’s the very start:

We’d return to this bakery later for bread and pastries for our dinner!

In the morning we caught a bus upriver to the famous Montmorency Falls.

Beautiful! See the bridge over the top? We walked that. The photo above is taken from a steep staircase that leads from the top to the bottom:

Here’s a shot from the lookout to the south side of the falls, visible on the left in the first photo:

We started at the top, took the stairs down, then got to the top again via a rope way!

Here’s me hamming it up in the car:

Growing up in Australia waterfalls are not exactly common and it’s always a treat to visit one. It was a sight definitely worth seeing 🙂

Afterwards, we returned to the city and headed down to old town, at the base of the cliffs on which stands the hotel. Here I met a lovely bird:

Whose hand is that? ONLY MINE!

I petted him and he leaned into my hand. So cute!

We wandered on, and ignorantly walked right past the Canadian Museum of Civilization! Booooooring, we all might think. But stop the presses since a certain poster caught my eye…

What’s this? A froggy museum exhibit on the history of video games in Quebec, Canada? Could it be good? Was it worth $15?!?!?

Yes, my friends, it absolutely was!

The exhibit, which was divided into various eras (Origin, Arcades, 3D etc.) contained over 500 items including a staggering 88 playable consoles and arcade games!

And believe me, whoever curated this exhibit was no slouch to game history and the landmark games from each era.

The above snap shows Barbarian playable on an Amstrad!?! I was in hog heaven as I effortlessly demoed the 1-hit kill move to Jim almost 30 years since I had last played.

I would go on to play PC-Engine, MSX (!!), C-64 and countless other gems, including…

Tempest 2000 on a Jaguar! Jim got in on the action as well:

That’s him playing an Amiga for the first time. The game? Turrican!

Here’s a cute display:

That’s Bubble Bobble demonstrated on 4 different machines. A fifth was playable adjacent to this display.

I also went a bit menerk when I found Thunderforce III playable for Mega Drive. It was as if this exhibit was custom designed for me!

Oh and the relics! They ranged from breathtaking original working Space Invaders Deluxe cocktail cabinets:

To displays of rare game merchandise:

To awesomely nostalgic game packaging:

And to stuff bizarre beyond words:

There was so much to see and play, from Odyssey to iOS and Wii U. Superb beyond my mere words, this exhibit was one memory after another. As I got to this screen on my first man:

In this game:

I knew my visit to the ~~boooooring~~ Museum of Civilization was one I’d probably remember forever 🙂

Oh yes, and later in the day we saw this:

Gotta run! Fireworks 🙂

Posted in Animals, Art, Food, Games, Otaku, Tech, Time, Toys, Trip | Comments Closed

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