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Review: Peter Davison’s Book Of Alien Monsters

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

I recently acquired this fine tome:

If you’re thinking it look familiar, well it should. However this was the first in the series, and therefore one may presume it doesn’t suffer from the sequelitis of its brethren.

Such a thought would however be patently incorrect, for this is yet another book of short stories that fail to impress, engage or leave an impression. In short, a book written for babies by hacks. With no exception the alien monsters in the book are violent, menacing or dangerous and for that reason I imagine this book would be quite a thrill for kids. But the resolutions are so obvious (or worse, telegraphed) and the stories end so abruptly that I was left wishing for the occasional twist or surprise (“Oh? The alien is actually friendly?”)

Many of the nine stories in this book are very similar, with least half having the same setup: colonists on alien planet don’t realize those dumb animals are actually sentient and aggressive aliens. The other half are equally repetitive: alien life form on Earth hides itself from all but children and ends up possessing and/or eating them. In the world of Peter Davison, there are no good aliens!

Here’s a retelling of the core of many of the stories in this book:

Pletrac huddled in the cave, unsure if the branches at the entrance would be enough to hide them. Vorg groaned quietly at his side, his leg probably broken. Pletrac moved the survival blanket up over his head to try to muffle the sound. How could they have ended up like this? The scouts hadn’t said anything about the creatures being intelligent – or even hostile – and the scans had identified them as one of the best food sources on the planet. The first had offered no resistance at all as they approached, large black eyes watching them seemingly mindlessly. Pletrac could still remember the hideous ululations it had made after Vorg electo-lanced it, and how quickly the others had burst up from the water and onto the land, tentacles coiling furiously. They were amphibious! Somehow they had escaped – the aliens probably afraid of the fire – but there were too many of them, and Vorg was badly injured. Now they would wait in this cave until help arrived. Help that didn’t even know yet that they were in danger…
…Outside the cave Kron-pirr waited, biding his time. The injured one would soon die, he knew, and the other would need sleep. When that time came, Glork’fth would surely be avenged!

Writing that gave me more enjoyment than reading the entire book 🙂

Verdict: save your shekels

Posted in Books & Comics, Miscellaneous, Otaku | 1 Comment »

I Boldly Went

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Yes, my friends, from an equally mysterious source, I very recently managed to obtain this fine treasure:

OMG part 2! It’s a factory sealed box of Star Trek trading cards all the way from 1992! Look at the sheen of the pristine shrink-wrap! What fabulous treasures must be sealed inside?

Let’s find out:

Oh, alluring black and pink and blue! These packs just scream ‘Open me!‘ don’t they? Interesting how the divide between the TNG and OS packs is horizontal now compared to the series 1 box isn’t it?

Here’s a closer look at two of these little pouches of loot:

And here are the exact cards from the rightmost pack in the above photo:

A ‘Vulcan Lyrette‘?? It’s difficult, in English, to describe just how truly terrible most of the OS series cards in this set are. I loved looking at and reading each one of these marvelous cards! Here’s a shining example:

If we had a merciful God, I would be joking. Alas, I am not 🙂

Oh, but the TNG cards! They are wondrous! Doctor Leah Brahms! The last tragic moment of Tasha Yar’s life! Lwaxana Troi! Doctor Pulaski! Even the wonderful, wonderful Q! Surely a better card set couldn’t possibly exist?

And then there’s this work of art:

Yes my friends, resistance to the charm of these cards is positively futile!

So, my original offer stands. I purchased these not only for myself, but for each of you as well. I just know you want some of these, and my condition is trifling.

Simply, in 100 words or less, complete the following sentence in a comment:

“Excluding the obvious choice of Reginald Barkley, the Star Trek: TNG character I most identify with is _____________ because ____________ “

Serious answers only please! Let’s join the United Federation of Planets together 🙂

Posted in Art, Blog, Books & Comics, Family, Miscellaneous, Movies, Trading Cards | 5 Comments »

Review: Peter Davison’s Book Of Alien Planets

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

I recently picked up this gem:

For those unaware, Peter Davison is a British actor, probably best-known for his role of Elmer in The Tomorrow People:

He’s also got a famous daughter who played a character in a show called Doctor Who:

Her character was the genetic child of the main character, known as The Doctor, and ironically enough, in the real world she would end up marrying the actor that played The Doctor. Who, at the time she was in the show, wasn’t this dude:

Because that is – of course – once again Peter Davison in his beloved role as the ‘dish of the day’ in the original 1980’s Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy BBC series.

So, amidst all this co-starring on 1980’s sci-fi shows, Davison managed to put out the abovementioned book, which I read in two sittings.

For starters, the book is just a collection of mostly public domain (ie. from the 1930s and 1940s) science-fiction yarns, none of which were written by Davison himself. For seconder’s, the vast majority of the stories are the usual ‘twist ending’ sci-fi short stories that tend to fill collections such as these. You know what I mean, with lots of hinting and mystery and then a big payoff at the end. I’ll write one such story, in a single paragraph:

On the planet Juiblex, Kron-pirr waited in the grand hall and traced the lines of the artifact using his fifth tentacle. On this, his coming-of-age day, he would finally be allowed into the ranks of the Elevated, and the secrets of his ancestors would be revealed to him. As he considered that he would never again speak with his friend Glork’fth, his attention drifted once again to the artifact. It was said it had been in existence since before his race was born, but in all that time no one had deciphered the strange markings ‘Apple’ and ‘iPhone’ marked on the metallic side.

Not bad eh? The above is positively Arthur C Clarkson in it’s originality, and truth-be-told several of the stories in this selection are interchangeable with the above. Swap an iPhone with a Disney movie, or Kron-pirr with Jal-Gynyr the Myrb.

Speaking of ACC, that man was obsessed with God! One of his stories is about a supernova that caused the Star of David, and another is positively messianic in the way an alien race treats human artifacts.

It’s all wishy washy stuff. Not particularly good, not particularly bad, and absolutely nothing to do with Peter Davison!

Verdict: save your pennies 😉

Posted in Books & Comics, The Unknown | 1 Comment »

Retro Comic Advertisements (part 2)

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

I recently came into possession of, well, lets say many old comics. A good chunk of these will end up being Christmas gifts, so I’m not going to discuss the comics themselves here. But, as I did once before, let’s look at some of the advertisements for a trip down memory lane 🙂

Here’s one from a 1978 comic, and as far as nostalgia goes this one is high up on the scale:

Very cute, isn’t it. What with the fan club being based on Yavin, and “prices slightly higher outside the solar system”! And, the inclusion of an iron-on transfer gives me another blog idea…

Here’s another period SW advertisement, this time from 1984:

A few Christmas’s ago I believe I gave out some of these kits as gifts? Adverts for model kits are very common in 198X comics by the way. As I said to KLS: “That’s what kids did before video games!”

Or maybe they did this:

So much cringe-worthy content in the above ad. And that’s even before you realize what it is actually for! Go on, read it and weep 🙂

Here’s another in a similar vein, this time from 1989:

Ignoring for a moment how ludicrously verbose this ad is (Was it written by someone on their first day of work?), let’s consider this is for a handheld LCD game in 1989! That’s years after consoles had caught on, and in fact even the same year the Gameboy was released. Hard to believe this was money well spent.

Let’s switch gears, and revisit an ad which I suspect was targeted at girls (based on the comic it was in) from 1978:

OMG! Witchcraft?!?! Go ahead and read it! Amongst other things, this ad claims to teach you telepathy, mind control, ‘inhaling cosmic energy’ and THE ABLILITY TO CONTROL TIME (on page 126, no less). Holy smokes I wish they were still in business because I could make things happen if I had those powers!

Speaking of making things happen, here’s another way to make money, again from 1978:

I really have no comment, except to say that younger readers perhaps don’t understand the appeal of the above ad since they didn’t live through stuff like this:

What’s that you ask? More fanclubs? How about this one:

“Alf’s favourite menu”? The mind boggles…

Oh, here’s an ad for…

… a cardboard box! I wonder how many could they have possibly sold?

The early 1980s are when action figures started in a big way (1977 actually, with Kenner’s 3.75″ Star Wars figures). Of course this led to Masters Of The Universe, and the many knockoffs by other companies. Such as these guys:

They look so much worse than I remember. And yes I do remember ladies and gentleman, and if I ever find my sticker collection I’ll explain all in that post 😉

Speaking of Masters Of The Universe, check this gem out:

I had a rage attack when I saw this one, gibbering on about how there was no way the screenshots could have possibly looked like those obviously painted images on the bottom right. So I did some snooping, and let’s see if I was correct…

I rest my case!

I end with one last ad. In comics of the 80s, it is quite common for ads to contain superheroes, probably to get kids attention even better. This is a classic example of one such ad:

Let’s ignore for a second the fact that Superman apparently can move at sublight speeds and has a computer-brain and consider what is being sold here. A Magic Snake is a piece of plastic that can be folded into 23 trillion shapes and looks about as much fun as, well, reading the comic this was printed in. Even with the assistance of Superman, it’s hard to believe what sort of child would have found this product interesting…

Yes, I’ve had it for 30 years 🙂

Posted in Art, Blog, Books & Comics, Family, Games, Movies, Otaku, Tech, Time, Toys | 4 Comments »

Here’s What My Brother Is Going To Buy Me For Christmas

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

The world turns, but the more things change, the more they remain the same. Take, for instance, the eternal struggle of what to buy me for gifts? As I did once before, I received the following message from my Brother:

Yo sibling! I’ve learned that the Christmas gifts you’ve gotten me are mighty indeed, and I want to reciprocate in kind. Any suggestions?

Well brother-of-mine, your sources are true, for I have indeed obtained some of the mightiest gifts you will ever receive from me! Since it is the wish of all men to one-up each other in terms of gifts, I understand your motive. Thus, I will humbly offer some suggestions…

Books Category

Blood Sword (books 3-5)

Well known as one of the best ever gamebook series, I only have the first two installments and the latter 3 continue to elude me. It’s not that they are particularly hard to find, more hard to afford. Prices online seem to range from ~$30 (for book 3, Battlepits Of Krarth) to $250+ (for book 5, The Walls Of Spyte). Yes, we all know they are being rewritten, simplified, and converted to the Virtual Reality system for a reprint, but – let’s face it – as a purist only the original version is acceptable as a Christmas gift 🙂

?????? Chronicle

I’m not going to lie – this one will be difficult! This is (of course…) the Japanese Fighting Fantasy doujin magazine that has published every two years (or so) since 2003. Details are scarce. Who publishes it? What’s in it? Where can it be purchased? Does it even exist? I have confidence the answers to all of these will be in my hand when I open my Christmas gifts!

Fighting Fantasy Second Age

When one completes their Fighting Fantasy collection, one must seek gratification elsewhere. Therefore, my attention has turned to the Czechoslovakian-only sequel series, Fighting Fantasy Second Age. Bernard’s going to have to work quite hard to find a book in this insanely rare series (book #1, Island Of Exiles, is shown above), possibly including (but not restricted to) personally scouring the shelves of used bookstores in Prague! But he will no doubt be motivated by thinking of my smiling face on Christmas morning 🙂

This…

It’s not particularly rare or expensive, it’s 33 years old, it’s (cough) ‘written’ by the best Doctor Who ever, and it has an awesome cover. I want it. Make it happen please?

Toys Category

Remembrance Of The Daleks figure set

I’ve got a pretty large collection of Daleks at this point, of all sizes, but I don’t have this amazing set. Sure it’s wildly overpriced and possibly impossible to find, being limited as it was to one store and released as a limited edition two years ago…. but hey, it’s Christmas!

Revoltech Yamaguchi MH Rathalos Liolaeus

This Japanese monster hunter toy is a little tricky to find… in the colour shown above. While I – and, let’s face it anyone – would love to own this, the impossibly hard to find limited ‘Silver Rathalos’ version is the one that would bring a tear to my eye on Christmas day! Could a young mans dream come true?

Material Handler Lego Technic

Remember that chat we had during the summer where I told you how every single Technic series includes a crane? Here’s another! You’re really going to have to pull out all the stops to get this for me for Christmas though, since it isn’t released until January 13, 2013! Maybe this one waits until my Birthday? 🙂

Dungeon & Dragons Trading Card Sets

TSR released factory sets of AD&D Trading cards each year from 1991 until 1993. Naturally, I’m mostly interested in the largest set – released in 1992 which contains 750 cards. Factory complete, sealed and unopened examples of these are wildely available. After all, who would want them now? And as I’m sure you know, this would be a fine gift for a fellow such as myself!

Music

Gone Petshopping (Pet Shop Girls)

Seriously… just go read last year’s entry again and understand I’m serious about this one!

Games

Rune Factory 2 and 3 (DS)

I practise self-flagellation daily for missing both of these. I played the first, loved it, and somehow not one but two sequels snuck out without me realizing. Once I had found out of their existence… BAM! The resellers had hoarded and driven the prices up to levels this poor college professor could never afford 🙁

Wizardry Gaiden III: Scripture Of The Dark (Gameboy)

Despite my greatest hopes, the Wizardry titles I requested for gifts last year never eventuated. At the time, I withheld this one from the list, since it’s so… painful. Back in 2006, I managed to acquire the first two Japanese Gameboy Gaiden titles. Both are boxed, in perfect condition, and beloved by me. And yet, the third has ever eluded me! This fact has been known to keep me up at night, and if only for the good graces of my brother, I could eternally sleep soundly were it finally in my hands. And yet, the task may be Herculean indeed. For this game, now 20 years old, has become almost a footnote in history. Let us see if it can be unearthed?

The Legend Of Zagor Boardgame

You know how sometimes you have this awesome dream that you own something awesome and have an awesome time playing with it? Well in my dreams, it’s always The Legend Of Zagor boardgame. This near-mythical conversion of an FF book into a game includes a computer voice! Here’s hoping the first thing I ever hear that voice say is “Happy Christmas from your beloved brother!”

And there we go, a relatively short and modest list of items intended to assist with my Christmas shopping. Times-a-wasting, so get to it! 😉

Posted in Blog, Books & Comics, Family, Gamebooks, Games, Miscellaneous, Music, Otaku, Tech, Time, Toys | 6 Comments »

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