Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

For Your Eyes Only

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

Operation ‘First Fleet’ is confirmed.

Operatives ‘Slim Dusty’ and ‘Banjo Patterson’ will disembark at Mascot in 81 days. Though their transports will be different, they have synchronized their schedules to arrive near simultaneously. While their identities are a closely kept secret, here are artists sketches (SD on the left):

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Shortly after arrival they will rendezvous with their local contact, ‘Henry Lawson’, who will provide a safe house from which the operation will be carried out. Lawson’s current appearance is uncomfirmed, but he is believed to have not changed much since this photograph was taken:

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The operation will last for roughly three weeks, and the principle mission objectives are:

– Interact with locals, especially those working as vendors in fast-food restaurants
– Determine via personal experimentation the sugar content of local sweets and toroidal baked cakes
– Carry out rigorous experiments to estimate payout percentages of local lottery tickets and gambling machines
– While not performing the above, activate ‘profligate wastrel’ disguises to keep mission objectives secret

Operatives will regularly report on progress via this or a similar channel. Stay tuned…

Dam It!

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

When I was a kid, I loved to dam creeks.

I was lucky since we always seemed to live somewhere near a creek or two. And when I say creek, I don’t mean in the American sense, where raging torrents are sometimes referred to as ‘creeks’. I mean shallow little waterways easily jumped over (at least during the dry season) although big enough to carry the occasional fish or yabby. I loved playing in and around creeks, and many adventures were had.

And there almost always came a time when, for arcane reasons ununderstandable to adults, I had to dam the creek! And this wasn’t once or twice, I did this many times.

Take this one for instance:

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That’s our Kahibah house. There was a creek behind it that ran under the road. The main portion of the creek ran off the bottom right of the picture, but behind our house it took a 90 degree turn up and ran more or less parallel to the road. This tributary was small and muddy and fun to play in. Many frogs were caught; many tiny fish were collected. And the high dirt walls were structurally perfect to sustain a dam.

At first these were piddling affairs; just dig out a bit of mud and pile it up, maybe mixing in a few found rocks and a fallen branch or two. The water would build up and eventually wash everything away. This was of course fun, but I could do better. And I did. In time I would learn which types of mud worked better and how to divert the water through a (hand dug) side channel to allow unimpeded construction.

Within a year or two I had veritably obtained my PhD in ‘child creek construction’, and these were the days in which I would ‘bake’ mud bricks in the hot sun using old icecream containers as molds. The bricks would be hardened with grass cuttings and cemented with rich black mud dug from the walls of the creek. Using this technique I once turned this flimsy little creek from something ankle deep to something I could sit in and be up to my neck πŸ™‚

And this wasn’t the only creek:

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I wonder if the people living in those houses know there is a creek running underneath their properties? Back in those days (198X), my brother and I and a few of the neighbourhood delinquents took what mother nature had provided and terraformed it into a waterslide. We smoothed the dirt walls with water, built a small dam downstream to create a pool and actually slid down the gently sloping creekbed like we were at Wet & Wild.

Such were the amusements of the proletariat urchins in 1980s suburban Australia.

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These dams would last days, sometimes weeks. I recall building rudimentary crenelations atop one, and putting little twigs up their to represent flags atop the castle wall. I’d play in and around them, getting awesomely dirty and muddy, and then we’d run along home and hose each other off before going inside. Sometimes we’d had to pick leeches off as well, since they were common foes. If they’d had enough time to get a good suck going there would be blood when you removed them. I’d occasionally collect these guys as well and keep them in a tank, but I think my parents used to discourage this πŸ™‚

Dam building hit it’s apex probably when I was about 10 or 11 years old. At that time I never saw a creek I didn’t want to dam in some way, even if it was just throwing a dead tree into it. It couldn’t have been an interest of mine only, since sometimes we’d fine dams on creeks obviously build by others. I should have formed a guild.

As with all interests, time caused it to fade, and during my highschool and college years I’m sure the last thing I ever thought about was trundling into the bush and building a muddy creek. And yet…

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That’s lovely Valentine, where my then-girlfriend SMC lived. One day we were walking along the lake and came upon a lovely little creek behind a sport field. Amazingly we ended up spending some hours building a decent dam. I guess the spark hadn’t disappeared after all!

Twenty Things We Saw At Another Fair

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

After the fair last week, one of KLS’s workmates suggest we visit another fair, about 90 minutes south of here. Everything about it was supposed to be bigger and better than Altamont, including the rides.

We had to go!

So go we did, to the Duchess County Fair in Rhinebeck, NY. We got there shortly after it opened and stayed for more than six hours. Quite simply, this fair had more to see than could ever be seen and more to do than could ever be done.

We tried though, and here is some of what we saw:

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1) County fairs celebrate agriculture and farming, so is it a surprise to see something like the above? What about…

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2) The JCB ‘dancing diggers’ performance. Such hydraulic power! Such structural integrity! I have never seen such a beautiful performance of choreographed excavators before!

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3) We saw a robot named Oscar…

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4) And an old master painting a masterpiece onto a mirror!

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5) The food selections were mind boggling. KLS had a crab cake platter, and I…

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6) had a lamb gyro. I was planning on getting a corn dog later but… I’ll get to that…

Lets talk about the animals! There were a bazillion of them there, representing countless different species, for example:

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7) Porkers…

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8) A tiny horse…

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9) An evil giant bird…

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10) An insane, metal-eating armor-clad sheep…

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11) A lazy bugger…

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666) And Satan!

We also saw camels, long-jumping hounds, rabbits, fowl, monkeys and even two coatimundi!

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13) Here we see KLS next to the prize-winning Christmas tree. Every type of plant you could imagine was being shown and judged including…

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14) A room full of flowers!

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15) That’s the prize-winning Dahlia. Can you grow them this well?

16) Speaking of prize-winning, here’s a remarkable piece of art we assume is The Greatest American Hero:

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And of course, we saw the rides! Unlike Altamont, rides were not included in the entry price and cost about $5 each. There were dozens of them in all shapes and sizes, three of which I was very interested in riding. They were:

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17) ‘The Claw’, a contraption with so many axis of rotation it may outdo The Zipper! Looking at it, I knew it would ruin me πŸ™

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18) The ‘Sky Diver’, a sort of leveled-up Ferris Wheel in which you’d spend half your time upside down!

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19) The ‘Fire Ball’, known to aficionados like myself as the ‘Superlooper’. I hadn’t ridden one in 30 years and even though I feared it would ruin me the pull of nostalgia was strong. I sat KLS on a shady seat, shuffled off and before I could change my mind purchased a ticket from a grizzled felon, hopped on the ride and buckled myself into the front seat. Here’s what I looked like immediately afterwards:

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20) Yes my friends, I was ruined. Even now, almost a day later I can remember the dizziness. I curse the god that makes me sick on all these wonderful rides I love :< After, I noted that I was significantly older than almost every person riding any ride. Have I outgrown these things? I hope not. Post-fireball illness aside, the fair was spectacular. We will certainly be back next year πŸ™‚

Home Improvement

Friday, August 23rd, 2013

Here are two shots of our front steps that were taken last week:

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Obviously the state of these made us the laughing stock of the neighborhood. They had been progressively deteriorating for years and my attempts to fix them 5 (!) years ago were to no avail.

It was time to call the professionals!

Finding someone was much easier said than done but eventually I did, and three days ago work began. The first step was to remove the coating to reveal the concrete underneath:

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This took 2 guys almost 7 hours using a jackhammer and grinder. They would relate to me how unexpectedly difficult it was since the stairs had multiple different cement and plaster coats. Here’s how they looked after the first day:

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You can see they still had a little bit of work to do. The next day I myself was at work for most of the day, and when I got home I found this:

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Mysterious! The plastic is protecting the new stamped ‘thincrete’ coating. It is a super strong reinforced concrete which is textured to look like flagstone. Here’s what it looked like early today:

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The next step was grinding the fake stone edges, and smoothing some hard corners. Then a stain was applied to enhance texture. After several more hours the steps were sealed and work was complete:

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Here’s a close-up to show texture:

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In about 24 hours the stain and sealant will be completely dry, and I’m told we’ll have steps that should outlast the house!

Next year we’ll do some plantings (I removed a lot to facilitate the work) and it should all look great. I’m glad I finally got my act together and had this much-needed work done πŸ™‚

Happy Birthday Mum!

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

It’s my mum’s birthday today, which means it was her birthday yesterday! But where I am now, it’s August 21, so Happy Birthday mum!

How old is she, you may ask? Well, let’s say she’s about 49 years older than she probably was when this shot was taken:

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Next year is a big birthday for mum! I’ll be there to help her celebrate πŸ™‚