Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

The Greatest Lie Ever Told

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

I believe it is important to document important knowledge for future generations. With that in mind, a tale from my distant past…

It was 1982 or 1983, and I was at Jason L’s house doing what kids of that age (10) do. Riding bikes, eating lollies, talking about Star Wars. And – of course – playing Atari 2600.

We were in Jason’s downstairs room. The one where his dad stored the pickled tumors and testicles (I think he was a urologist). There was a large cream-coloured sofa and an ancient console-style TV on which the 2600 was connected. There were quite a few people there – a dozen or more. It was probably a birthday party for Jason. Many were there to hear the lie.

John F lived nearby. He was there with his brothers. I remember them as twins, although I doubt that is true. They were both younger, and probably only invited because they were virtually neighbours. Both were energetic and talkative boys, especially compared to John. They are key players in the tale, since one of them (I forget which one) would be the person that would that day utter the greatest lie ever told.

I wonder what we had for lunch? Hamburgers maybe? Hotdogs? Jason had a pet crow in a giant aviary-cage in the backyard. Or was it a magpie? I went into the cage one time and fed it. I was no doubt scared, for corvids scared me at that age.

Many years later (at university) I would befriend Jason’s sister Alison, who was a few years older than me. She was a sweet girl, who once had trouble at school because she was reluctant to euthanize the rabbits and rats used in her lab. I assume she was there that day to hear the lie.

We were all playing Pac-Man on the 2600. It was dark. Was it winter? Was it a pyjama party? I doubt the latter; probably just a party that went into the evening. There were quite a few of us in that room all playing Atari at the time, probably unaware of how legendary the game would become one day.

At that age children exaggerate. It is common for younger boys to attempt to impress older boys with outrageous statements. Lies if you will. On that day one of John F’s younger brothers revealed a dark and spooky secret, otherwise known as the greatest lie ever told:

One night I was playing Pac-Man and the game stopped and a skeleton hand dragged across the screen and the words ‘don’t kill my babies’ appeared.”

I imagine it looked something like this:

dkmb

As I said, many heard this claim. He was quizzed on it, and stuck to his story. Laughter ensued, and in the days that followed amusement would turn to mockery as word spread at school. Somehow John himself became the victim of some of the teasing, as if he was responsible for his brothers ludicrous comment. I recall dimly the teasing became so bad a teacher was involved at some point (or so I heard).

I think it is safe to say that few – if any – of us believed that such an incident had occured.

Looking back almost 30 years later I am torn. The scientist in me requires hard evidence to believe anything, but the imaginist in me likes to be proven wrong on such matters. In time, the boy that made the claim grew into a man and (sadly) passed away some years ago, so the veracity of his tale is beyond further investigation. Did he even remember it? Does anyone else? Why do I?

More importantly: could this really have occurred?

Suffice to say, even if he was telling the truth, the title of this post would remain accurate…

Competition Pro

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

proj

That is a picture of the ‘Competition Pro’ joystick – the first (and I believe only) item I ever bought on lay-by.

Known as ‘layaway’ in the US, lay-by is the process of buying an item in installments. It is virtually unknown these days due to credit cards, but used to be very popular.

One day in 1984 (or early 1985), after endlessly reading about how great the Competition Pro joystick was in the imported UK game magazines of the day, I discovered they were sold at K-Mart, Charlestown Square. I remember seeing one in a glass case in the electronics section and wanting it so badly. In those days game systems did not come with controllers, so there was a vibrant market of third party devices. For me, the competition pro was at the top of the pile. The pinnacle of control! It even had microswitches!

This was the box:

combox

I forget the price, but A$40 comes to mind. Whatever the cost, it was much more than I had available, and I was so worried about the joystick disappearing from the shop I hastily put it on lay-by. I remember being very excited as I collected the various documents (including payment slips) with all sorts of dates on them (“Pay this much by XX” etc.). I planned out my repayment schedule, based on what meagre income (pocket money?) I had in those days. I can even remember having dad drive me to the shop one day just so I could put $2 onto my lay-by! Only when the full price was paid would the joystick be mine.

Oh the unfettered enthusiasm of youth 🙂

Eventually I got my competition pro, and it was awesome. I still recall how much I loved the thing, and how much I loved the little clicks from the microswitches every time you moved the stick or pushed the button. It was the ticket to even higher love for my Commodore 64. I even carried it to friends houses when I went over to play games with them. I was so proud of it, and that I had lay-bought it.

Remembering this, and writing about it now, makes me wonder what ever happened to that beloved competition pro of mine. Is it in a box in an attic, dusty and forgotten? Or was it long-since buried in a mountain of landfill, or crushed in some reprocessing plant?

Or could it be – impossibly – that some retro enthusiast is loving it still, and using it to this day?

Recipe Time!

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

I’m not the greatest chef on earth, but I would consider myself in the top few percent. If you try my recipes, you can judge for yourself.

Spaghetti Bolognaise

0714091147

Ingredients:
Ground beef
– 1/4 of an onion
– one beef stock cube
– 1 tablespoon of tomato paste
– Spaghetti

Method:
Chop onion into small pieces, and cook in a pan with the meat until done. Add the beef stock and cook for a few minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook for a bit more. Place on top of the cooked spaghetti as shown above and enjoy!

Chip Sandwich

chipsanger

Ingredients:
– white bread
– potato chips (plain or salt and vinegar)

Method:
Put chips on bread. Load massive amounts on, as many as possible. The idea is to put several inches of chip between the bread, way more than you’d think was reasonable. Then push the bread together, with the goal being flattening them so much that the chips compress into a superdense thin chip film. Then eat dry. (Note the image is not representative of my version, which is eaten plain with no lettuce, cheese or sauce.)

If you try either of these, please let me know what you think.

Man Droid

Saturday, June 19th, 2010

First of all, the blog was down due to equipment failure at the host (ie. my brother’s computer). Now it’s back I can get to business!

Last Saturday I bought myself one of these:

droid

Yep thats a (Motorola) Droid smartphone running the Android OS. My old phone was being weird and had battery issues so it was due for an upgrade. I was holding out for Apple to announce a CDMA iPhone which didn’t happen the other week so I caved and went to the competition.

After having the phone for a week my review is “thumbs up”. Aside from the fact it is stylish and fast and nifty, I now have a data plan and full access to the web from anywhere, which means I can make use of services beyond simple text messages. This includes email, a web browser, twitter (more on this in a bit) and of course the app store.

I’m no stranger to a device like this (a portable OS with an app store) since I’ve had an iPad for months now and an iPod Touch for years, but I can’t deny the convenience of carrying it around with me everywhere. The phone also has a GPS chip in it, which means Google Maps runs staggeringly well – even to the point of showing your orientation on the map. I pulled up my location in the living room and it was accurate to 1 meter. I then rotated on the spot and watched my arrow rotate on the screen in real time. Impressive.

There are a few trifling negatives with the phone I have noticed so far: no way to turn the unlock vibration off, the phone can slide open in my pocket and sometimes turn on, people tell me I sometimes sound muffled talking. But some of these are just getting used to a new device. For instance 5 days ago I may have commented on the keyboard being a bit dinky but I’m now very used to it. Similarly what I first thought may have been battery life on the low side got much better when I tweaked settings and installed a task killer app.

The day I got the phone I also (“finally”, some may say) joined Twitter.

twitter

Twitter is a social networking mini-blog site that lets user post up to 140 character ‘tweets’ about anything they like. You can follow me at: twitter.com/richardjesper (or click the link on the right)

Twitter will not replace this blog so don’t worry about that. Rather I will use it exclusively from my phone, so it will likely replace the phone blogs I occasionally did (but not the ones with photos – they’ll still go to Robot Claw). If any of you use twitter please post your twitter ID as a comment (or email it to me) so I can follow you (if I am not already).

So overall, I’m digging this Droid phone mostly because of what it now lets me do. I would recommend it wholeheartedly to everyone I know with one reservation – they already have them!

Yep, as is the case with most of my life the world took notice, and once I got a Droid it became the cool thing to do and everyone ran out and got one. This includes KLS, JAF and JBF, and it soon to include (I strongly suspect) SFL. Only BFS is the holdout!

The Voice Of America

Friday, June 11th, 2010

One of the advantages of being a profligate is that when a pollster approaches me in the mall and asks if I have forty minutes free to do a survey I can pause for a second, feign disinterest and then (gleefully) say “Yes!”

In fact I like to think I acted so well she had no idea it was I that hooked her into asking me and not vice versa.

I was led along some labyrinthine hall deep into unknown halls somewhere inside Crossgates Mall and sat with my interviewer (a charming grandmother named Joann) while the survey proceeded.

It began with the usual mix of questions such as  how many bottles of pain reliever (and which brands) we had bought in the last 3 months or what brand of soda would I probably never buy (7-Up). There were a couple of dozen of these, which took the first few minutes.

I then looked through a big book of photographs of various products and had to answer questions about them:
“Of the five car manufacturers listed, which one would you buy a car from?” (Toyota)
“Which snack product would you be more likely to buy?” (Wavy Lays)
“Which credit card would you be more likely to apply for?” (Mastercard)

After this came the interesting part: the watching TV segment.

I had three shows that I could freely switch between; The Simpsons, 30 Rock and Forbes Magazine Top 20 Celebrity Weddings. While I am sure valuable data about what show I watched was collected (the wedding one…) the meat and potatoes of the study was the advertisements, no doubt selectively fed to me as I was watching (the entire process being controlled by a computer). I watched about 20 minutes of TV, and afterwards had to answer questions about the ads I had seen.

Fairly quickly the questions narrowed themselves down to one single advert, and specifically one product. This was the ad:

Dull eh?

The questions went on ad infinitum. What did I think of the advert? Of the product? Did you trust the ad? The product? Which of the following words would you use to describe the ad? The product? How do you feel about the product? Etcetera, etcetera.

Many of the questions I had to answer again (the same questions) holding an image of the product in my hands whilst doing so. All told; I’d guess there were 50 odd Wheat Thins related questions.

This wrapped up the survey, for which I was paid $15. I answered the questions as honestly as I could and hope my data is in some way useful, but I have to say I found the experience intriguing enough I didn’t even care about remuneration.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing to come from this was overhearing another interviewee who gave his salary as $25,000-$35,000 and his occupation as ‘sniper’. (And yes, he meant sniper in the military).

Uncle Sam wants him to kill people for a living and they only pay him up to $35,000? Something about that just doesn’t add up.