And so we come to those dated and quaint adverts that are not easily categorized. The ones that not only would never be seen today, but must have been astonishing even in their time. Such as this:
It’s not easy to even describe what that is! A weird abacus-y thing for AD&D timekeeping? How on earth could there have ever been a market for this?
But wait! If the above is of questionable use, how about this guy:
Since this was 30 years ago, I just know that ‘walnut finish’ was contact vinyl!
What about these two ads for a service that no-one that has ever lived on Earth has ever needed:
And if you are in the business of paying for your character, why not pay for the whole thing:
I think as far as KLS is concerned the above is the most heinous ad of them all. $2 per minute to have some dude read out character stats? That’s so morally questionable it must be criminal.
Let’s change tack just a bit with a nice double-advert:
The electronic dice machine is just a figment of its era, but those book covers are fantastic! My guess is they were intended for the AD&D manuals, but wouldn’t they look flash on my textbooks today? 🙂
Fancy some arts and crafts:
They don’t mention the kit comes with free lead poisoning! (Not a joke btw, home-casting used to use lead until it was banned, and even then hobbyists melted down shotgun buckshot to keep making figures until that too was banned from using lead.)
Another for the home craftsman:
How evocative is this: the above address is in Albany, NY. I love to imagine that somewhere in this city there resides a warehouse filled with crates full of unsold Red Dragons Of Krynn. If I ever find them, I will be sure to get one for each of you!
And while you assemble it, how about some appropriate music:
That, my friends, is IT! That’s the craziest ad I have yet seen in a Dragon. I just know the dude in the horned helm is Ramal LaMarr who desperately wanted to be Prince but failed but it didn’t matter because he ended up with a (scary) harem anyway. I wonder how many AD&D games were played to his soulful tunes (as opposed to Iron Maiden or prog rock)?
So if that is the craziest, what’s left? Well here’s the worst:
Words fail me…
And here is the best:
The above ad hurts my soul. As I said to KLS, “This is the closest I will ever have to owning this game.” Which leads me to a sad and horrible tale…
It was X years ago, in Rochester, NY, at a game store then known as Crazy Egors. In a large and mostly abandoned pile of board games in the back of the cavernous store, I was astounded to see the above advertised game. It was in remarkable condition (as far as I could tell) and was an original from 198X. For reasons that to this day baffle me I never purchased it, and it’s no exaggeration to say that ever since that fateful day I the last thing I think of before sleeping each night is how foolish that decision was…
And so Dragon Week draws to a close. Rest assured I am still reading the mag, and if any truly spectacular ads turn up I will be sure to share them with you. But for now, I hope you have enjoyed the last five days of posts.
I shall leave with not an advertisement, but an announcement of a very special event. If my memory hasn’t failed me, I have a suspicion AW may be able to tell us more about this event in a comment…
