Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Ramen 30: What Hath Man Wrought

Thursday, November 21st, 2024

A slight departure from chicken ramen this time, to venture in a nightmare world of food science gone wrong. Three new and limited flavours of ramen were released this past year, and it’s finally time to try them all…

Cup Noodles Everything Bagel

This is ramen noodles in a cream-cheese flavoured sauce with ‘everything bagel’ flavouring and poppy seeds for that extra bit of realism.

As soon as the hot water was added the stench of cream cheese filled the room. It was repellant to one such as myself, but my fellow ramen tasters seemed intrigued. I went first, and the taste was so off-putting I couldn’t even swallow my meagre portion. It tasted (to me) exactly like cream cheese, which is a taste I despise. This was no normal poor ramen: this was a new level of terror.

Four of us tasted this evil thing, and here are our comments:

RS: Absolutely inedible.
KLS: Smells better than it tastes.
JK: Really tastes like bagel and cream cheese!
DH: Not bad but I wouldn’t buy it.

Our collective review: 3 thumbs up (out of 8)

Cup Noodles Breakfast

This one had everything: sausage, eggs, pancakes and maple syrup. A full unhealthy breakfast then, in instant ramen form. It also contained real sausage, so vegetarian KLS sat this one out.

Much like the previous as soon as the water was added a strong smell filled the room – this time maple syrup. After letting it steep the requisite time the eggs and sausage pieces seem to have rehydrated well, but the taste of maple was so sweet and overwhelming it was difficult to interpret this as anything more that noodles in sweet hot water. I couldn’t taste eggs, sausage or pancakes at all. That said, I was able to swallow my bite 🙂

Our verdicts:

RS: Simply tastes overwhelmingly of maple.
KLS: (Sat this one out and silently judged)
JK: I wish it wasn’t so sweet.
DH: This one is good! (He ate several forkfuls)

Our collective review: 2.5 thumbs up (out of 6)

Cup Noodle S’mores

For the Antipodean readers, S’mores are a mysterious campfire snack made by melting marshmallows and chocolate onto a cracker. Naturally they’re a terrible idea for a ramen product, and after the sweet bomb of breakfast what could this be like?

Uncooked. the noodles were covered in brown powder we took to be chocolate, and as you can see tiny marshmallows were included. Unlike the others, this one didn’t smell of anything as it cooked, and even once it was ready it had almost no scent at all. But it definitely tasted, and it was bad. My best description would be a serving of ramen noodles served in hot Milo. But even that hardly conveys the dreadful experience of tasting this one.

The reviews:

RS: Should never have been made.
KLS: Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be done.
JK: As soon as it touched my tongue it made me angry but the moment of swallowing was even worse!
DH: Just like Swiss Miss. (Swiss Miss is a brand of hot chocolate drink.)

Our collective review: 1 thumb up (out of 8)

And there you have it! If you see any of these at your local store, it’s probably best to turn and walk away 🙂

Chinese Cheetos

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024

Recently I bought some intriguing Cheetos at an Asian grocer in NYC. Let’s give them a go:

First we have these, mysterious labeled as ‘Japanese Flavour’ and bearing the regal figure of Ultraman Zero on the package.

I’ll admit I was nervous, since I’m a half-man when it comes to new tastes and I’m deeply suspicious of Asian cheese. But these were delicious!

The ‘artificial steak flavouring’ and caramel listed in the ingredients combine nicely to produce a tasty corn snack with the slightest hint of meat and sweet aftertaste. I ate them heartily and wished I had purchased more than one bag. An easy thumbs up!

Next we have Ultraman Tiga Cheetos, this time ‘Artificial American turkey flavour’! Turkey? American turkey? Artificial? What could this be?!?

In short, these are magnificent. Of course they don’t taste like turkey at all, but they – much like the steak versions – are a delightful mix of savory and sweet. Imagine taking a chicken twistie and dipping it in sweet and sour sauce and you’re close to what these taste like. I’ve had these before (pre Ultraman packaging) so knew what to expect, and it was without hesitation that I bought five bags 🙂

These are in fact the best Cheetos I have ever tasted. All my thumbs up!

There is also a third flavour, this time plain cheese graced with Ultraman X‘s ‘Alpha Edge’ form. If I saw these I’d buy them, but I wouldn’t expect much. I’ve had Japanese Cheetos before and they taste of the sort of evil cheese an epicure may favor but I detest.

I suggest running to your nearest Asian grocer and picking up a bag of the turkey or steak ones ASAP. You’ll love them, and as a bonus can add the (carefully washed of course) bag to your Ultraman food packaging collection 🙂

Ramen Universes Beyond: Pokemon

Saturday, September 28th, 2024

I’ve covered this one before, but since the packaging on this version was different I thought it was worth a second look:

It’s another Pokémon noodle! This time it’s Eevee branded (the last one was Pikachu) and the lid promises much:

I translated it this time:

As you can see this product contains half a days calcium, a sticker (one of 18!) and some Eevee kamaboko fish cakes. Alas, it’s also seafood flavor…

Opening it revealed the sticker, nicely sealed in plastic to keep it protected. Which one did I get?

This is a legendary Pokémon named Koraidon. He’ll go on a postcard one day…

Instantly upon adding the hot water, the stink of fish fingers filled the air! It was quite repulsive, and only with great trepidation did I try a forkful. Of course I hated it, but KLS did too, so this one is an easy two thumbs down.

But the sticker is great 🙂

Coke Oreos Review

Sunday, September 15th, 2024

Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be.

These are Coke Oreo cookies, a new limited edition flavour. Of course we had to try them!

The cookies are black and red, with coke-flavoured cream that contain popping candy to emulate the soda fizz.

There are three different designs on the red side of the cookie, and the usual Oreo back. The cookies have a lot of cream in them, so they’re more like the double-stuffed versions than normal Oreos.

When I opened the seal on the pack the strong smell of coke assaulted me, and the cookies actually do taste like cola! I’ll give them props for this success, but I find them distasteful, possibly because I’m not a fan of anything (lollies, any drink aside from Coke) that taste like cola. I ate one, and will never eat another.

Kristin’s opinion differs from mine. Here’s what she said: “The smell of the cookies is convincing and the taste is alright.” She will undoubtedly eat more than one.

And this collaboration didn’t end at cookies, since we also bought a bottle of the Oreo flavoured (we think?) Coca Cola. It’s only available in the zero sugar version.

This stuff is uniquely repulsive. It’s one of the worst drinks I have ever drunk, with a deep earthy taste reminiscent of the most wretched chicken ramen I have sampled. Even worse is the strong chemical aftertaste, which lingers on your tastebuds like a cold you can’t shake . There’s no chance I’ll ever try any more of this.

Kristin said: “It’s confusing!” 🙂

I think ‘they’ can make anything taste like anything else these days, but just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it needs to be done. I suppose these were worth a try, but let’s hope if they ever consider a drink collab again it’s Mountain Dew!

The Cursed ‘Collectors’ Cups

Tuesday, August 20th, 2024

McDonald’s is doing a special ‘Collectors Meal’ right now, which is a normal Big Mac, Chicken Nugget or Sausage McMuffin meal that comes with a collectors cup. I got this one:

As you can see it’s blind-bagged, which means you don’t know which one you get until you open it. There’s six different cups, and you can only get them if you buy one of the three meals. My Big Mac collectors meal cost me the princely sum of $14.86, which means this cup wasn’t cheap! Let’s see which one I got…

Hot Wheels and Barbie. In other words, the worst one. Others include Snoopy, Minions, Jurassic Park, Beanie Babies and – best of all – McDonalds characters.

However there’s a side to these cups not visible in the photos: they’re plastic. McDonald’s is know for decades of glass collectors glasses but apparently for this promotion they’re cheaping out with plastic cups. They’re not even dishwasher safe!

So my verdict: absolutely not worth the extra cost, and the fact you have to eat American McDonald’s food is a second reason to avoid.

But what’s this…?

As it turns out Canada was doing a very similar promotion! It differed in several ways: there are four glasses instead of six, the glasses are made of glass and you can just buy them outright for $3 each!

Keen-eyed readers will have looked at the decoration on the box and guessed what was inside, but let’s see:

Yes it’s also the Hot Wheels & Barbie one! Again not the best (I wanted the Grimace one) but better than the USA version in my opinion. So I’ll give the Canada promotion the thumbs up over the USA one.

But what’s this now?

It turns out Australia is also doing this promotion, and they’re doing glasses as well, but they have two additional ones that Canada doesn’t (Minions and Coke). Also the method of obtaining the glasses is even more restrictive than the US version (you need to buy a Quarter Pounder meal)!

I was going to end with a smart line about how if I was my brother and happened to be in Australia right now I’d get one and send it to me but… well I sort of hate these glasses and don’t want any more 🙂