Food – Page 55 – Robot Claw

Millenium

December 20, 2011

What did you do on June 22, 2006? Don’t remember, do you? I know what I did, I played World of Warcraft. I know this because on that day I made the very first entry on this blog. And that’s special because today is the day I make the 1000th entry 🙂

1000 entries in five and a half years! That’s almost exactly one every two days. It’s been going so long now that even I can’t remember most of what I have put on it. So I’m going to take today as a sort of ‘best of’ of my blog. After all, aren’t the nostalgic posts the best ones?

A few facts and figures first. There are 1000 posts in 14 categories that include a total of 3064 images. 705 comments have been made by a scant few 8 commentators. Since it has been impossible to create accounts for 5+ years this number is not likely to change soon. However there are three commentators out there that have never added a comment…

Here’s the timeline of significant blog events:

Sep 30, 2006: This nostalgic post about old homes, opened my eyes to using the blog as a sort of nostalgia tool and is what I consider to be a turning point. The post is worth clicking through today, not just for a re-read but also to see how much Google Earth imagery has improved in five years (compare to yesterday’s entry for instance).

Nov 18, 2006: It’s almost hard to believe now, but Yossi was once small.

Feb 14, 2007: An unspectacular post about a blizzard, and my pains (manually) clearing away the snow. Why do I cite this? It was clear by now the blog had become a part of my life: why else would I have taken such pains to document such a task, especially getting KLS to come outside as well just to take photos of me?!

May 12, 2007: First post dedicated to a movie review (Ultraman: The Next). Even today such dedicated posts are rare, but they’re usually good 🙂

May 21, 2007: First post from a phone. Ignore the title, I was testing the functionality so I could blog from Hawaii.

July 16, 2007: Still one of my all-time favourite posts about a specific game. This tale is 100% true. What a great day that was!

August 27, 2007: Great post about Dragon mag and an old RPG for two reasons. 1) My first ‘retro RPG post’, 2) AW’s comment 🙂

Pixels In My Eyes: This post, made in late August 2007, is, in my opinion, the best I’ve ever written for the blog. I don’t remember much about the creation of this post, but given that I very rarely plan any post beyond an idea, I expect I just wrote it all down as I thought of it with little revision. This is one of a very few incredibly personal posts about my thoughts that I’ve put out here for all to see, and even today when I read it it makes me powerfully nostalgic. This also happens to be the most-commented entry in the entire life of this blog.

Dec 31, 2007: First ever post from Australia. This was during the first of my (soon to be four) solo Australia vacations.

The Ten Worst Photos Of Me Ever Taken: What a post! This one will never go out of style. I love that I did this and it was well received. By the way, don’t I look a little like the Ancient Aliens guy in #8?

June 25, 2008: I wrote this post about cockfighting when I was in Puerto Rico, as a laugh. I later found out more than a few people actually believed it. I was surprised. I guess I can be convincing 🙂

Dec 12, 2008: Funny cellphone entry made during the ice storm that killed out power for a few days. I don’t think I was faking that facial expression…

Jan 10, 2009: There have been many World of Warcraft posts on the blog (including, as I said, the very first one) but this one, describing a 54 minute long fight between me and a single raid boss, is my favourite. I can’t wait to start playing WoW again in the new year!

Jan 31, 2009: Read the text, look at the picture, read the comments 🙂

Feb 8, 2009: I’m citing this because it is a very, very fond memory – the first time I got to meet a Doctor Who. He was a truly gracious person and I remember this fondly.

May 30, 2009: This is the most controversially titled blog post ever. Happily it is not without factual basis, and that’s not the only thing in this particular entry that demonstrates why we love Japan so much. We need to return…

June 6, 2009: This post can claim a lot. Not only is it full of Rilakkuma, but it also introduces my most-watched youtube video (over 45,000 views to date) and includes a now-legendary photo of me and Emi at the very end.

Doctor Who Video Games: Still my most-viewed post, and the number one source of redirects to this blog from Google. This was heavily researched when I wrote it, since I could find no such list online. Today this actual post is linked from a Wikipedia article 🙂

Dec 22, 2009: The infamous ‘trojan cake‘ event. Still a good and funny story 🙂

April 3, 2010: Hyperbolic post made from my cellphone when I was in line to buy an iPad on launch day.

June 22, 2010: This recipe post has my favourite opening line of any post I’ve ever made. I wonder if I should do more recipe entries?

July 28, 2010: My favourite post from England. Lovely Blackpool, in the rain. I’ll be back there one day.

October 21, 2010: A ghost story. Although my language may be flowery, you’d be surprised by how little I embellish the stories I post on this blog (and believe me, there are many others to come).

The Wish: A disturbing post, strangely real and incredibly melancholic. I was clearly in a funk that day, and this was the result. I’ll be honest and say I am proud of it, and I think it’s a powerful piece. But as with Pixels In My Eyes, these sorts of entries will probably come along only once ever 4 or 5 years.

April 25, 2011: For those that doubt my game-otaku-dom has reached the highest level! Going through the blog like I have, it’s remarkable how many game-related posts about truly arcane topics there are here. Even I’m impressed by my gaming knowledge and enthusiasm!

Tales From Green Hell (Part 1 & Part 2): I was so proud of these posts! To show off some spectacular photos supplied by my parents was a thrill. You can expect more like these in the future.

November 22, 2011: My other source of great pride this year.

Over five years is a long to time to keep this up, and 1000 posts is a lot of words. At times – including very recently – I have debated stopping and closing it once and for all, but it’s become a part of my life I feel I’d miss were it to end.

Given that I’m not close to running out of ideas, I don’t really see Robot Claw closing up shop any time soon 🙂

Great Southern Land

October 2, 2011

So I had to do a special blog post, and during my research typed ‘Oporto chicken’ into Google image search. Here is a screenshot of the results:

That’s only the second page of results! The funny thing is, I don’t believe either of us are actually eating Oporto in those photographs 🙂

So what was the post? What was so special I had to crow about it? I’m sure you’ve guessed by now…

I bought my Australia tickets yesterday 😉

Details to follow…

Insatiable: The 10 Best Photos Of Me Eating (+ extras!)

September 21, 2011

For reasons I have never truly been able to explain, people like taking photos of me eating. These photos frequently do a good job showing my insatiable enthusiasm for food, and as a celebration of my manly consumptive spirit, I showcase some of the best here today.

I had a massive collection to choose from, so to winnow it down I invoked an arbitrary rule: no two photos of the same type of food! In addition, preference was given to photographs that showcased one of my many eating techniques, or simply seemed to defy the conventional rules of consumption.

Plus, we have some bonus features at the very end of this post 🙂

On with the show:

10) Corn at Enoshima Island, Japan

A brutal hot day, a difficult hike up hundreds of stairs. And a delicious cob of corn waiting for me at the top!

9) Watermelon, here at home

This photo demonstrates some of my special techniques. You’ll notice my eyes are open to extreme levels. This is an advanced technique that allows maximum mouth-opening (you’ll see this technique again). Notice also the outstretched tongue. Again, an advanced technique that is almost surely an indicator I am about to use the ‘light speed tongue‘ technique on this unwary piece of watermelon. This technique, incidentally, is shown in video form later in this post.

8) Pluto Pup, Randwick Racecourse 2010

This is a difficult image for me to look at because it brings too mind the still painful memory that back in January of this year, when I was once again at the races, the vendor was out of Pluto Pups. Note incidentally the ‘infinite jaw‘ technique being used here, maximizing the cutting power of the teeth by squinting the eyes and therefore diverting facial muscular energy to the jaw.

7) Yakitori, Japan

#9 above was close, but this is the first shot that truly showcases the ‘gaping maw‘ technique that surely must be mastered if you wish to be a master of consumption. Notice how my face is quite literally deformed to the point of extreme grotesqueness as I struggle to fit the yakitori stick in my mouth. Good times!

6) Bacon & Cheese Roll, Randwick Australia

A nice illustration of the ‘pac human‘ where my jaws are opened at about 60 degrees and the teeth almost retracted. It takes experience to use this one on an item like a bacon and cheese roll, but once mastered the effect on flavour is sublime. Bonus points for the hat increasing the spherical curvature of my head.

5) Fish and Chips, Brighton England

No technique on display here, just good old fashioned eating. Look into my eyes. Don’t they say

This is the best fish and chips I have ever had!

4) Spaghetti, Odaiba Tokyo, Japan

The original ‘gaping maw’, this 7-year old image shows a supertaster in his infancy. It takes a lot for one such as myself to force metal utensils into my mouth, and even now I can remember the ambrosiac taste of this spaghetti. This is more than an eating photo – it’s a snapshot of a happy place in my soul!

3) McDonalds Apple Pie, ???

Sadly I don’t recall the place and time, but I do recall the feeling of joy as I bit down on this pie. I can say with confidence this was either England or Australia, since I would never even consider taking the energy to do a ‘pac human‘ on the garbage McDonalds sells as pies here in the US. This shot reminds me of the time I ate pies daily in Japan in the Fibonacci Series (1 the first day, 1 the second, 2 the third, 3 the fourth…). Few men can claim to have ever done such a thing 🙂

2) Unidentified Pastry, Meiji Shrine, Tokyo

As I am a self-conscious eater, always mindful of the opinion of those around me, I try to avoid eating in public. And yet it is at those times that one can most truly appreciate food. This is a beautiful image. A beautiful man, with a beautiful haircut, eating a beautiful pastry beautifully. In this image one sees that even a man with a swarthy soul can channel charm and inspiring grace.

1) Sausage Roll, at Mum and Dad’s house

The singlet top. The unkempt appearance. The piercing, almost maniacal gaze, and the very top of a can of Lift soda visible in the lower left. This is a photo of a man at his prime, eating what he eats best as best he can eat it. Not even one crumb of pastry avoided my gullet that day, and every technique at my disposal (‘infinite jaw‘, ‘pac human‘ and ‘gaping maw‘) was used to teach an entire box of Herbert Adams sausage rolls a lesson they most certainly never forgot!

So my friends, from whence came these skills of mine! I think I can only blame my parents. In case you don’t know them, here they are:

From an early age they taught my brother and I the importance of food. “Food is life” my father used to bellow, “never stop eating!”

Those early years were long and hard for a calm soul like me, competing as I did against my brother:

And it’s not wrong to say our daily meal tables almost always resembled a pack of mad dogs eager for a carcass:

Eventually I would rise above them all in my skills. While my brother may be able to consume truly vast quantities of food, I daresay he is still a long way from the speed at which I can put it away. For a brief glimpse of my ‘light speed tongue’ technique, watch this video: