Food – Page 9 – Robot Claw

Ramen 30: What Hath Man Wrought

November 21, 2024

A slight departure from chicken ramen this time, to venture in a nightmare world of food science gone wrong. Three new and limited flavours of ramen were released this past year, and it’s finally time to try them all…

Cup Noodles Everything Bagel

This is ramen noodles in a cream-cheese flavoured sauce with ‘everything bagel’ flavouring and poppy seeds for that extra bit of realism.

As soon as the hot water was added the stench of cream cheese filled the room. It was repellant to one such as myself, but my fellow ramen tasters seemed intrigued. I went first, and the taste was so off-putting I couldn’t even swallow my meagre portion. It tasted (to me) exactly like cream cheese, which is a taste I despise. This was no normal poor ramen: this was a new level of terror.

Four of us tasted this evil thing, and here are our comments:

RS: Absolutely inedible.
KLS: Smells better than it tastes.
JK: Really tastes like bagel and cream cheese!
DH: Not bad but I wouldn’t buy it.

Our collective review: 3 thumbs up (out of 8)

Cup Noodles Breakfast

This one had everything: sausage, eggs, pancakes and maple syrup. A full unhealthy breakfast then, in instant ramen form. It also contained real sausage, so vegetarian KLS sat this one out.

Much like the previous as soon as the water was added a strong smell filled the room – this time maple syrup. After letting it steep the requisite time the eggs and sausage pieces seem to have rehydrated well, but the taste of maple was so sweet and overwhelming it was difficult to interpret this as anything more that noodles in sweet hot water. I couldn’t taste eggs, sausage or pancakes at all. That said, I was able to swallow my bite 🙂

Our verdicts:

RS: Simply tastes overwhelmingly of maple.
KLS: (Sat this one out and silently judged)
JK: I wish it wasn’t so sweet.
DH: This one is good! (He ate several forkfuls)

Our collective review: 2.5 thumbs up (out of 6)

Cup Noodle S’mores

For the Antipodean readers, S’mores are a mysterious campfire snack made by melting marshmallows and chocolate onto a cracker. Naturally they’re a terrible idea for a ramen product, and after the sweet bomb of breakfast what could this be like?

Uncooked. the noodles were covered in brown powder we took to be chocolate, and as you can see tiny marshmallows were included. Unlike the others, this one didn’t smell of anything as it cooked, and even once it was ready it had almost no scent at all. But it definitely tasted, and it was bad. My best description would be a serving of ramen noodles served in hot Milo. But even that hardly conveys the dreadful experience of tasting this one.

The reviews:

RS: Should never have been made.
KLS: Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be done.
JK: As soon as it touched my tongue it made me angry but the moment of swallowing was even worse!
DH: Just like Swiss Miss. (Swiss Miss is a brand of hot chocolate drink.)

Our collective review: 1 thumb up (out of 8)

And there you have it! If you see any of these at your local store, it’s probably best to turn and walk away 🙂

Chinese Cheetos

October 23, 2024

Recently I bought some intriguing Cheetos at an Asian grocer in NYC. Let’s give them a go:

First we have these, mysterious labeled as ‘Japanese Flavour’ and bearing the regal figure of Ultraman Zero on the package.

I’ll admit I was nervous, since I’m a half-man when it comes to new tastes and I’m deeply suspicious of Asian cheese. But these were delicious!

The ‘artificial steak flavouring’ and caramel listed in the ingredients combine nicely to produce a tasty corn snack with the slightest hint of meat and sweet aftertaste. I ate them heartily and wished I had purchased more than one bag. An easy thumbs up!

Next we have Ultraman Tiga Cheetos, this time ‘Artificial American turkey flavour’! Turkey? American turkey? Artificial? What could this be?!?

In short, these are magnificent. Of course they don’t taste like turkey at all, but they – much like the steak versions – are a delightful mix of savory and sweet. Imagine taking a chicken twistie and dipping it in sweet and sour sauce and you’re close to what these taste like. I’ve had these before (pre Ultraman packaging) so knew what to expect, and it was without hesitation that I bought five bags 🙂

These are in fact the best Cheetos I have ever tasted. All my thumbs up!

There is also a third flavour, this time plain cheese graced with Ultraman X‘s ‘Alpha Edge’ form. If I saw these I’d buy them, but I wouldn’t expect much. I’ve had Japanese Cheetos before and they taste of the sort of evil cheese an epicure may favor but I detest.

I suggest running to your nearest Asian grocer and picking up a bag of the turkey or steak ones ASAP. You’ll love them, and as a bonus can add the (carefully washed of course) bag to your Ultraman food packaging collection 🙂

Ramen Universes Beyond: Pokemon

September 28, 2024

I’ve covered this one before, but since the packaging on this version was different I thought it was worth a second look:

It’s another Pokémon noodle! This time it’s Eevee branded (the last one was Pikachu) and the lid promises much:

I translated it this time:

As you can see this product contains half a days calcium, a sticker (one of 18!) and some Eevee kamaboko fish cakes. Alas, it’s also seafood flavor…

Opening it revealed the sticker, nicely sealed in plastic to keep it protected. Which one did I get?

This is a legendary Pokémon named Koraidon. He’ll go on a postcard one day…

Instantly upon adding the hot water, the stink of fish fingers filled the air! It was quite repulsive, and only with great trepidation did I try a forkful. Of course I hated it, but KLS did too, so this one is an easy two thumbs down.

But the sticker is great 🙂