“Life In The So-Called Space Age”
Just got back from the eye doctor. Everything’s ok, but look at the state of my pupils right now!
The dilation will wear off in a few hours. Everything is so blurry I can’t really do anything productive (I’m holding my phone about 5 cm from one eye to type this!) plus I have a ruinous headache 🙂
Time to lie down, I guess!
Yesterday, we briefly owned a new TV. I say briefly because… well I’ll get to the details later.
For some reason, we went out and spent over 7 hours shopping yesterday. Neither of us have any idea why it lasted so long, especially since we had no firm plan on why we had gone out beyond “Let’s have lunch at Chipotle!” or what we wanted to buy. Except for a furnace filter, but since we didn’t write down the size we didn’t even get that.
At any rate we went to a whole bunch of stores and bought this here and that there. We were pleased with a new toaster oven, and I found series 8 of the Lego mini figs as well. I also decided I needed pants, and after trying on (no exaggeration) twenty-one pairs finally found (and purchased) one I didn’t hate.
Anyway a few weeks ago, after seeing (and telling KLS about) SFL and BFS’s TV’s on my trip, we had more or less decided we needed a new one. Our current TV is still very good, but it’s ‘too small’ these days and after 6 years probably time to replace with a nice big smart TV. We did the research and settled on a replacement model from Sony, and yesterday, when we ended up at Sears about 5.5 hours into our shopping trip, saw it in person for the first time.
Deliberation followed. Can we afford it after just paying off a mortgage with a many-thousands-of-dollar school tax bill at home? More to the point, would it be irresponsible to buy it given our current model still worked perfectly? Whatever the real answers, we decided ‘yes’, and I approached the sales attendant. Here’s where the fiasco began.
Unknown to me at the time, the first guy I approached was in the ‘vacuum department’. But he went to see if they actually had the TV in stock. It took him a while, but they did. I specifically asked “Is it new and in good condition?” to which he replied in the affirmative.
At this point another sales guy walked past, and the first guy just passed us over to the other. This was communicated very poorly to us though; and it seemed like the first guy just left and the second just wandered off. This continued for a few minutes until I voiced my displeasure at being ignored, at which point it was explained to us the new guy was looking for promotional information.
And so it continued. The new salesman was woefully inept, and seemed to have no concept of customer service. He wouldn’t look at us, he didn’t know anything about the TV (he started describing the Samsung service plan). He couldn’t find the keys to unlock a case to give us the free PS3 that came with the TV, and he insulted me when I declined to open a Sears credit card.
I hated him and his company, and just wanted to get out of their ASAP.
So then we ended up waiting a bit more for the TV to be brought out to us (after paying in full and walking out with the free PS3). I was riled up a lot at this point – I just couldn’t believe how bad the customer service had been. And when I noticed the state of the box the TV was in, I flipped.
It was open almost all the way down one side, and had been visibly (and shoddily) re-taped. You could see the styrofoam broken in the box, and could even see the TV itself. In addition, a large gash was visible on the underside. Either the box had been dropped or mangled in delivery, or the TV had been purchased and returned. My money was on the latter, and since it actually was my money, I immediately said “I’m not buying this. Give me a refund.”
Understand I’m the sort of guy that wouldn’t buy a box of cereal with a ding in the corner. A $2500 TV in worse shape is absolutely out of the question.
I was so mad, and I never get mad! I was railing against Sears, vowing (and this is likely true) that I’ll never ever buy anything there ever again. I was even saying unpleasant things like “piece of human dirt”. We’d spent a whole hour in that store for nothing, suffering zero-level customer service from employees that cared less. It was a very frustrating experience.
So we got a refund and walked out. We would not own a brand new 55 inch smart TV on which to watch Asylum Of The Daleks. And after such a debacle, I’m guessing it will be a while before we do.
All was not lost yesterday though. I did find the following item on deep-discount clearance at Toys’R’Us. I only wish I had purchased 2 though, because then I would have finished my brothers Christmas shopping early 🙂
This is Out Of The Pit, the Fighting Fantasy monster manual:
It was first published in 1985, and contained the statistics and information on every monster that had appeared in any (non science fiction) Fighting Fantasy book at that time. I loved this book when it came out, and read it avidly cover to cover many times. I would stage mock battles between monsters, in an effort to see who was most powerful.
Back then I had the deluxe large format edition with colour pictures. Alas I no longer have this treasure, but I have two later printings, and still find the book a wonderful and nostalgic read.
Over the weekend I wrote this piece of code:
What does it do? Well, it fights 271 of the monsters in Out Of The Pit against each other and saves results. Monster data is input via a data file, which I typed up myself (it took about 2 hours). The code uses the full rules systems including special attacks (examine the code; you can see a large amount of special attacks, defenses and other conditions are included) and saves win-loss results per creature. Every monster fights every other monster once. I ran the code three times and collected the results to find who was strongest in a 3 match free-for-all.
But before I get to results, some caveats:
– Monsters don’t have luck scores. This means I never tested luck, or applied any conditions that required luck tests. Had I done so (and say, used Skill as starting luck), this would have made a small selection of monsters with luck-based attacks more powerful. However were I to implement luck tests, every monster would have likely been more powerful since they could have used luck in combat. I feel the results would have averaged out.
– The following nine monsters were omitted on the basis of their attacks being too unusual or difficult to model: Devlin, Ganjee, Hydra, Living Corpse, Giant Pitcher Plant, Mist Vampire, Poltergeist, Suma and Giant Venus Flytrap
In order, here are the five most powerful creatures in Out Of The Pit:
1) Earth Elemental
It’s not the 18 skill and 22 stamina that gave the Earth Elemental first place; it’s the fact it takes half damage and inflicts double damage. This guy would be virtually impossible for an average player character to defeat!
2) Adult Silver Dragon
Every 3 combat rounds, an Adult Silver Dragon inflicts an additional 4 damage from a breath weapon unless the opponent makes a skill check. Realistically, this results in average per-hit damage of 3.33 from a Silver Dragon, which is murder for most opponents.
3) Adult Gold Dragon
Skill 18, Stamina 40 and half damage from attacks? I expected this guy to take the top spot, and if I had implemented it’s luck-based breath attack it likely would have!
4) Night Demon
The relatively low Skill and Stamina (14,18) of this guy compared to the other top five was not a penalty since he has a once-per-combat special attack that does 2d6 damage and he does 3 points of stamina on a hit!
5) Young Silver Dragon
Like his dad at number 2, his breath weapon was the decider. Even though it isn’t as powerful (2 damage), it’s like a free hit every third round.
Interested in the full rankings? Well here they are:
| Name | Skill | Stamina | Win % |
| Earth Elemental | 18 | 22 | 99.7% |
| Silver Dragon (Adult) | 17 | 30 | 99.5% |
| Gold Dragon (Adult) | 18 | 40 | 99.2% |
| Night Demon | 14 | 18 | 98.8% |
| Silver Dragon (Young) | 15 | 22 | 98.1% |
| Gold Dragon (Young) | 16 | 25 | 98.0% |
| White Dragon (Adult) | 15 | 22 | 97.7% |
| Black Dragon (Adult) | 16 | 30 | 97.2% |
| Water Elemental | 16 | 21 | 97.1% |
| Green Dragon (Adult) | 15 | 26 | 97.0% |
| Snake Demon | 14 | 25 | 96.2% |
| Tyrannosaurus Rex (Adult) | 15 | 20 | 95.5% |
| Red Dragon (Adult) | 14 | 23 | 95.0% |
| Air Elemental | 15 | 20 | 94.8% |
| Black Dragon (Young) | 14 | 20 | 94.3% |
| Fire Elemental | 14 | 18 | 93.7% |
| Earth Demon | 12 | 15 | 93.2% |
| Green Dragon (Young) | 13 | 18 | 93.2% |
| Manticore | 12 | 18 | 92.2% |
| Hell Demon | 14 | 12 | 91.4% |
| Brontosaurus (Adult) | 12 | 25 | 91.2% |
| Death Spider | 14 | 9 | 91.1% |
| Nanka | 12 | 20 | 90.9% |
| White Dragon (Young) | 12 | 14 | 90.7% |
| Bloodbeast | 12 | 10 | 90.3% |
| Styracosaurus (Adult) | 12 | 18 | 89.8% |
| Life-Stealer | 12 | 18 | 89.7% |
| Genie | 12 | 20 | 89.5% |
| Pit Fiend | 12 | 15 | 89.2% |
| Giant Sandworm (Adult) | 10 | 20 | 88.5% |
| Banshee | 12 | 12 | 88.0% |
| Will-O’-The-Wisp | 10 | 6 | 87.7% |
| Pegasus | 12 | 12 | 86.9% |
| Metal Sentinel | 12 | 12 | 86.0% |
| Tyrannosaurus Rex (Young) | 12 | 12 | 85.8% |
| Giant Crab (Large) | 10 | 11 | 85.5% |
| Horned Demon | 12 | 9 | 84.8% |
| Crystal Warrior | 11 | 13 | 84.0% |
| Wrapper | 12 | 9 | 83.5% |
| Red Dragon (Young) | 11 | 14 | 83.2% |
| Slime Sucker | 10 | 9 | 83.2% |
| Marsh Giant | 10 | 17 | 82.0% |
| Black Lion | 11 | 11 | 81.9% |
| Sea Giant | 10 | 17 | 81.9% |
| Mammoth (Adult) | 10 | 16 | 81.1% |
| Mik | 12 | 7 | 80.3% |
| Fire Demon | 10 | 10 | 80% |
| Vampire | 10 | 15 | 79.2% |
| Gem Sentinel | 11 | 9 | 78.7% |
| Storm Giant | 10 | 15 | 78.7% |
| Styracosaurus (Young) | 11 | 10 | 78.7% |
| Tarator | 8 | 13 | 78.7% |
| Plesiosaurus | 9 | 22 | 78.2% |
| Strangleweed | 8 | 13 | 77.7% |
| Rock Demon | 10 | 13 | 77.4% |
| Gretch | 10 | 13 | 76.5% |
| Night Stalker | 11 | 8 | 76.0% |
| Serpent Queen | 9 | 7 | 76.0% |
| Yeti | 10 | 12 | 75.0% |
| Mountain Giant | 10 | 12 | 74.8% |
| Razorjaw (Adult) | 10 | 12 | 74.6% |
| Xoroa Warrior | 10 | 11 | 74.5% |
| Caarth (Adult Male) | 10 | 11 | 74.3% |
| Saber-Toothed Tiger | 11 | 8 | 73.8% |
| Giant Scorpion | 10 | 10 | 73.7% |
| Serpent Guard | 10 | 10 | 72.0% |
| Wyvern | 10 | 11 | 72.0% |
| Cyclops | 10 | 10 | 71.4% |
| Frost Giant | 10 | 10 | 71.3% |
| Mirror Demon | 10 | 10 | 71.1% |
| Centaur (Adult) | 10 | 10 | 70.8% |
| Ice Demon | 9 | 11 | 70.4% |
| Shapechanger | 10 | 10 | 70.4% |
| Clawbeast | 9 | 14 | 70.1% |
| Werebear | 9 | 13 | 70% |
| Brain Slayer | 10 | 10 | 69.8% |
| Dracon | 9 | 14 | 69.1% |
| Giant Centipede (Poisonous) | 9 | 7 | 68.5% |
| Fetch | 11 | 6 | 68.2% |
| Tree Man | 8 | 16 | 68.2% |
| Spider Man | 7 | 5 | 67.4% |
| Weretiger | 9 | 11 | 66.7% |
| Mummy | 9 | 12 | 66.2% |
| Nandibear | 9 | 11 | 66.2% |
| Sand Devil | 10 | 7 | 66.2% |
| Bird Man | 10 | 8 | 65.8% |
| Spirit Stalker | 10 | 8 | 65.6% |
| Hill Giant | 9 | 11 | 65.5% |
| Wight | 9 | 6 | 64.9% |
| Wyrm | 9 | 12 | 64.9% |
| Brontosaurus (Young) | 8 | 18 | 64.4% |
| Mutant Lizard Man | 9 | 9 | 63.5% |
| Giant Octopus | 9 | 10 | 63.3% |
| Death Dog | 9 | 10 | 63.2% |
| Forest Giant | 9 | 9 | 63.2% |
| Lizard King | 9 | 10 | 63.2% |
| Cave Giant | 9 | 10 | 62.7% |
| Cockatrice | 7 | 7 | 62.7% |
| Common Troll | 9 | 9 | 62.5% |
| Giant Crab (Small) | 7 | 9 | 62.5% |
| Hill Troll | 9 | 10 | 62.4% |
| Two-Headed Lizard Man | 9 | 10 | 62.4% |
| Minotaur | 9 | 9 | 62.3% |
| Gargoyle | 9 | 10 | 61.7% |
| Mucalytic | 8 | 9 | 61.6% |
| Doragar | 9 | 10 | 60.8% |
| Baddu-Beetle | 7 | 9 | 59.3% |
| Giant Slug | 7 | 15 | 59.3% |
| Giant Centipede | 9 | 7 | 58.2% |
| Death Wraith | 9 | 8 | 58.1% |
| Imitator | 9 | 8 | 58.0% |
| Stone Golem | 8 | 11 | 58.0% |
| Felinaur (Adult) | 9 | 8 | 57.7% |
| Fog Devil | 8 | 6 | 57.2% |
| Bhorket | 8 | 11 | 57.1% |
| Boulder Beast | 8 | 11 | 57.0% |
| Giant Snake | 7 | 11 | 57.0% |
| Great Ape | 8 | 11 | 56.9% |
| Bear Cub | 9 | 8 | 56.2% |
| Calacorm | 9 | 8 | 56.0% |
| Tentacled Thing | 8 | 10 | 55.4% |
| Sting Worm | 8 | 7 | 54.6% |
| Cave Troll | 8 | 9 | 53.5% |
| Howl Cat | 8 | 9 | 53.0% |
| Sea Troll | 8 | 9 | 53.0% |
| Caarth (Adult Female) | 8 | 9 | 52.8% |
| Ogre | 8 | 10 | 52.5% |
| Werewolf | 8 | 9 | 52.4% |
| Leprechaun | 10 | 4 | 52.3% |
| Lizardine | 8 | 8 | 51.2% |
| Rhino-Man | 8 | 9 | 50.6% |
| Skunkbear | 7 | 6 | 49.8% |
| Ghoul | 8 | 7 | 49.3% |
| Firefox | 7 | 6 | 49.1% |
| Crypt Stalker | 8 | 6 | 48.6% |
| Flesh Golem | 8 | 7 | 48.3% |
| Rock Grub | 7 | 11 | 48.2% |
| Giant Lizard (Adult) | 8 | 8 | 47.9% |
| Phantom | 12 | 2 | 47.7% |
| Ape Man | 8 | 7 | 47.6% |
| Flying Guardian | 8 | 8 | 47.6% |
| Gark | 7 | 11 | 47.6% |
| Snow Wolf | 8 | 8 | 47.5% |
| Flying Fish | 8 | 8 | 47.4% |
| Giant Eel | 8 | 8 | 47.2% |
| Slime Eater | 7 | 11 | 47.2% |
| Lizard Man | 8 | 8 | 47.1% |
| Giant Toad | 5 | 7 | 46.5% |
| Jaguar | 8 | 7 | 45.8% |
| Marsh Wraith | 7 | 5 | 44.0% |
| Pterodactyl | 7 | 9 | 44.0% |
| Champaque | 7 | 10 | 43.9% |
| Snattercat | 7 | 9 | 43.3% |
| Merman | 7 | 10 | 42.8% |
| Giant Sandworm (Young) | 7 | 9 | 42.2% |
| Giant Wasp | 6 | 6 | 41.2% |
| Mammoth (Young) | 7 | 10 | 41.2% |
| Dark Elf | 8 | 6 | 41.1% |
| Wererat | 8 | 6 | 40.8% |
| Krell | 8 | 5 | 40.3% |
| Skeleton Warrior | 8 | 6 | 40.1% |
| Giant Eagle | 6 | 11 | 39.3% |
| Wood Elf | 8 | 6 | 39.2% |
| Wood Golem | 8 | 6 | 38.6% |
| Aakor | 7 | 8 | 38.3% |
| Man-Orc (Adult) | 8 | 6 | 38.2% |
| Giant Aardwolf | 7 | 7 | 38.0% |
| Flayer | 6 | 7 | 37.9% |
| Cat People | 8 | 6 | 37.7% |
| Demon Bat | 7 | 8 | 37.7% |
| Neanderthal | 7 | 8 | 37.7% |
| Giant Spider | 7 | 8 | 37.2% |
| Caveman | 7 | 7 | 37.0% |
| Dwarf | 7 | 7 | 36.4% |
| Crocodile | 7 | 7 | 36.0% |
| Giant Common Fly | 7 | 8 | 35.9% |
| Wraith Ape | 7 | 7 | 35.5% |
| Hellhound | 7 | 6 | 34.3% |
| Shark | 7 | 6 | 33.4% |
| Toa-Suo | 6 | 10 | 33.3% |
| Harpy | 7 | 6 | 32.3% |
| Fiend | 6 | 8 | 32.2% |
| Decayer | 7 | 5 | 31.8% |
| Hamakei | 7 | 5 | 31.6% |
| Fire Sprite | 7 | 4 | 31.2% |
| Fish Man | 7 | 6 | 31.2% |
| Wolfhound | 7 | 6 | 31.2% |
| Messenger Of Death | 7 | 6 | 31.1% |
| Goldcrest Eagle | 7 | 6 | 30.9% |
| Tangleweed | 7 | 6 | 30.7% |
| Wolf Dog | 7 | 6 | 30.7% |
| Black Elf | 7 | 6 | 30.6% |
| Gnome | 7 | 5 | 30.6% |
| Head-Hunter | 7 | 6 | 30.6% |
| Great Orc | 7 | 6 | 30.3% |
| Mountain Elf | 7 | 6 | 30.3% |
| N’yadach | 6 | 8 | 30.1% |
| Wolf Dog | 7 | 6 | 30% |
| Harrun | 6 | 7 | 29.5% |
| Night Hawk | 7 | 5 | 29.3% |
| Xoroa Worker | 6 | 7 | 29.3% |
| Giant Dragonfly | 8 | 4 | 29.2% |
| Sewer Snake | 6 | 7 | 29.2% |
| Giant Owl | 6 | 7 | 25.8% |
| Wheelie | 6 | 6 | 24.9% |
| Stranglebush | 5 | 7 | 24.5% |
| Mantis Man | 6 | 5 | 24.0% |
| Slykk | 6 | 5 | 23.8% |
| Pygmy | 6 | 5 | 23.7% |
| Clone Warrior | 6 | 5 | 23.4% |
| Giant Needlefly | 6 | 6 | 23.4% |
| Common Orc | 6 | 5 | 23.0% |
| Zombie | 6 | 6 | 23.0% |
| Woodling | 6 | 5 | 22.9% |
| Demonspawn | 6 | 6 | 22.8% |
| Razorjaw (Young) | 6 | 5 | 22.8% |
| Centaur (Young) | 6 | 5 | 22.7% |
| Medusa | 6 | 5 | 22.7% |
| Hobgoblin | 6 | 6 | 22.5% |
| Giant Firefly | 5 | 5 | 22.4% |
| Skeleton | 6 | 5 | 22.2% |
| Marsh Goblin | 6 | 6 | 21.7% |
| Wild Hill Man | 6 | 5 | 21.6% |
| Giant Bat | 5 | 8 | 21.2% |
| Basilisk | 5 | 8 | 20.4% |
| Spit Toad | 5 | 6 | 20% |
| Bristle Beast | 5 | 7 | 19.8% |
| Skorn | 5 | 5 | 18.0% |
| Goblin | 5 | 5 | 16.9% |
| Red-Eye | 6 | 4 | 16.9% |
| Elvin | 6 | 4 | 16.4% |
| Pixie | 5 | 5 | 16.4% |
| Snapperfish | 6 | 2 | 16.4% |
| Bhorket (Young) | 5 | 5 | 16.1% |
| Giant Lizard (Young) | 5 | 5 | 16.0% |
| Electric Eel | 6 | 4 | 15.9% |
| Gonchong | 5 | 5 | 15.9% |
| Rat-Man | 5 | 6 | 15.9% |
| Sprite | 5 | 6 | 15.9% |
| Kokomokoa | 5 | 5 | 15.6% |
| Eye Stinger | 7 | 2 | 15.3% |
| Bear Cub | 5 | 6 | 15.0% |
| Felinaur (Young) | 5 | 5 | 15.0% |
| Leaf-Beast | 6 | 3 | 14.8% |
| Mermaid | 4 | 7 | 14.8% |
| Chestrap Beast | 5 | 6 | 13.5% |
| Vampire Bat | 5 | 4 | 12.8% |
| Caarth (Young) | 4 | 5 | 12.3% |
| Winged Gremlin | 5 | 4 | 12.3% |
| Giant Rat | 5 | 4 | 11.8% |
| Iron-Eater | 4 | 5 | 11.8% |
| Death Hawk | 4 | 5 | 11.4% |
| Troglodyte | 5 | 4 | 10.9% |
| Mungie | 5 | 4 | 10.8% |
| Mudclaw | 5 | 4 | 10.6% |
| Eagle | 4 | 5 | 10.2% |
| Blood Eel | 5 | 4 | 10% |
| Pirahna | 6 | 1 | 9.38% |
| Wild Dog | 4 | 4 | 9.01% |
| Grannit | 4 | 3 | 8.27% |
| Wingless Gremlin | 4 | 3 | 7.77% |
| Marsh Hopper | 4 | 4 | 7.28% |
| Common Bat | 4 | 4 | 6.41% |
| Man-Orc (Young) | 4 | 3 | 6.41% |
| Poisonous Snake | 5 | 2 | 5.55% |
| Dripper Plant | 0 | 10 | 3.20% |
| Flesh Grub | 1 | 1 | 1.23% |
| Giant Leech | 1 | 1 | 1.23% |
| Jib-Jib | 1 | 2 | 1.23% |
| Sleeping Grass | 0 | 2 | 0.86% |
| Clone Worker | 0 | 2 | 0.74% |
Two positions beg elucidation: the Tarator at #52 and Spider Man at 81. Both are unusually highly placed for their skill and stamina scores.
The Tarator, much like the Earth Elemental, does additional damage on a hit (3 total) and takes only 1 per hit received. So it fights like a much more robust creature.
The Spider Man is a terrible foe, for despite having dismal statistics, kills with no saving throw on any successful hit! It’s win ratio therefore is a measure of how often it won an attack roll 🙂
So now, 27 years later, I have finally answered to my satisfaction the ultimate question of what the strongest monster in Out Of The Pit is. Except for that pesky issue of luck…