Category: Miscellaneous

Hancock

I went and saw Hancock today. The film, about a strung-out superhero in need of rehabilitation, has been maligned by critics. Ironically, this was the exact reason my interest had been piqued, and even more ironically it was exactly what critics seem to dislike about the story that I thought worked so well.

In short: I loved Hancock. The film seemed real and I very much enjoyed the fact that the story was (deliberately) obtuse and unpredictable. I was entertained from start to end.

Perhaps the true reason I felt so drawn to Hancock was the feeling I was watching something of my own creation. Some of you will recall that many years ago I used to scratch down voluminous amounts of prose. These were often in the form of snippets of stories, or very short self-contained tales. I have a book full of this somewhere. One of them was called Brando Pineapple, and was about superheroism in the Australian outback. The tale is still kicking around in my head (along with many others) today.

Someone made a movie based on this story, and called it Hancock!

I’ll skip the details, but I assure you the similarities are astounding. In my story Hancock was called Brando, and ‘the girl’ was called Jelly. The situations were different, but the key element (let’s call it, in the spirit of not spoiling the tale, the ‘inversely proportional conceit’) was the same. Even the endings were similar (even though my version of the story was never close to completed).

So you can imagine watching Hancock was, for me, an unexpectedly amusing and somewhat moving experience 🙂

(As an addendum, one of the trailers before the film was for an apparent remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still, starring Keanu Reaves (as Gort?). I had no idea the film was coming, and no idea what the trailer was for until the very end. But my mind said The Color Out Of Space. Alas not. A true, big-budget Lovecraftian masterpiece is apparently still not in the near future…)

End Of Days

Cockfighting is legal in Puerto Rico, and since I had this morning free while KLS finished her seminar, I headed on over to the local arena to watch the birds. It was a rough crowd, which obviously meant I fit right in, so I wasn’t intimidated.

As luck would have it, I ventured into the arena on the day of an apocalyptic battle – the showdown between two (apparently) legendary birds: ‘El Diablo Pollo’ and ‘El Fuego de Jesus’.

Before the match I inspected both of these titans, and felt a deep connection with El Diablo himself. His grizzled face framed strangely sad eyes, which told of a life of last-minute comebacks against a legion of also-ran birds. Fuego may have had the more spectacular plumage, but my heart was with Diablo, and I truly hoped the match would be his.

The ref blew his whistle and the feathers flew. These birds wasted no time! Each alternately tested the others defenses with a few low jabs, before Fuego whipped out with his left wing and momentarily stunned Diablo. Fuego then flapped up on the turnbuckle and let lose with a Five Star Frogsplash! But Diablo’s experience served him well, and he rolled away just in time.

Diablo was then on the offense, ruthlessly pecking Fuego before he could rise, and effortlessly connecting with a mighty one-two combo of a Swantom Bomb followed by a Figure Four Leg Lock. Fuego was crowing in agony! My heart was racing: Had Diablo already won?

Unfortunately not, as was immediately evident when Fuego broke the lock and delivered a perfectly executed Spinerooni on the still prone Diablo. A hush fell over the crowd in that hot dusty room. Diablo was on the ground, gurgling sounds coming from his beak. Fuego stood over him triumphant, even flashing his fans a People’s Eyebrow. Could Diablo rise?

The seconds passed, with the only sound the referee’s count. Uno…dos…tres. The man next to me – clearly a fellow Diablo admirer – wiped away a tear. Cuatro…cinco…seis. He stirred! I bit my lip as Diablo wearily rose a battered wing! Siete. He was up on one foot! Ocho. Diablo fully stood and face Fuego! The crowd roared! The battle was not yet lost!

Or so I thought, for as quickly as my hopes had been raised, Fuego was back on the attack. Impossibly, Diablo managed to withstand an initial beating that would have felled any lesser bird, but Fuego was barely tired, and it was all Diablo could do to protect himself much less fight back.

El Fuego de Jesus delivered unto our hero a flurry of pecks, jabs, kicks, roundhouses and even the occasional eye-gouge. Diablo took it all. He knew he had lost and so did I. But his bravery in the face of certain defeat was a sort of victory of it’s own, and I like to think that the instant my eyes and his met, in that split second before Fuego finished him once and for all with a Stone Cold Stunner, we shared some sort of strange human-chicken telepathic link.

“Your bird may be cooked”, I imparted to El Diablo Pollo, “but your legend will live on in my heart for ever.”

Not Atlantis

San Juan, and more specifically Isla Verde, is the Atlantic City of Puerto Rico. I think.

Yes the beaches are (geographically) nice, but given that in the past year I’ve been to both Waikiki and Bondi beach, it’s difficult for me to be wowed. Furthermore, the tourist appeal of San Juan is heavily tainted by the fact that the city is just ugly. I could go into specifics, but a trivial example is the garbage everywhere. I mean one tiny thing that would make the immediate area outside our hotel much more appealing would be simply cleaning the trash off the streets!

This morning I planned to walk west on Isla Verde beach to theadjacent Ocean Beach. The wind was near-cyclonic, and it felt more like walking in a desert so much sand was blowing everywhere. Isla Verde Avenue looks like it could double for a set from Mad Max IV, so I was back in the hotel within the hour 🙂

The hotels here are like oases. Each is a self-contained wonderland of entertainment, by which I mean they all have casinos. It’s increasingly obvious that this is the big draw of San Juan. The beaches are just there to fill the time between sinking coins into the slots. Perhaps.

Do I sound cynical? Maybe.

Here’s a shot of the koala I found in the hotel room, and me not being cynical 🙂

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BTW we had Outback Steakhouse again for dinner, and we discovered we like ribs!

KLS is off at midday tomorrow and we’re both heading to Old San Juan to try and dig up some decent souvenirs. Don’t get my started about the taxi scam…