Category: Miscellaneous

Review: Game Poke

If you visit Japan, eventually you’ll see gashapon vending machines. They’re virtually everywhere, and a mind-boggling array of items can be obtained from them.

On our recent trip, one thing I got out of one such machine – for the princely sum of ¥500 – was this:

The ‘prizes’ are random, but this particular machine only had one thing inside. Here’s the contents:

And a detail of the device itself:

It’s a handheld video game called ‘Game Poke’! As you can see above, the instructions are in Japanese. But this is the Space Age and that’s hardly an obstacle any more:

Basic stuff really. The Rotate button allows us to ‘Bray the game’ (although it actually doesn’t), and the S/P button allows us to ‘game of the start or stop temporary’ (in actuality it does neither).

But who needs instructions?!? Batteries were included, so lets fire this thing up:

What’s this? This little Poke contains 99 games? The buttons allow you to select the different games, and there appears to be (up to?) 26 in total. However each game has variants as well, not to mention 99 (!) difficulties and a wide range of speeds. How much of these are actually different is difficult to tell, but there’s certainly an impressive amount of variety.

You can see it ‘fakes’ a larger display via a 10×20 pixel LCD display with status bar on the right. The LCD contrast is poor, with ‘off’ elements too visible, but there’s no way to reduce it.

The games themselves are, of course, abysmal. Consisting mostly of execrable pseudo clones of Atari 2600 Combat, unplayable ‘driving’ games and others that seem like pixels just randomly flickering on and off there’s just no way anyone would ever enjoy actually playing this thing.

But it does have (19 versions of) Tetris, and I’ll be generous and say they at least work. The device is speedy and the buttons are responsive and it even has a beeper for sound, but it’s extremely tiny and as a result very hard to control.

That’s a closeup of the status bar, which strangely features an awful caricature of a small Asian child (man?) who flaps his hands up and down endlessly while the unit is on. The scores themselves are virtually meaningless since it always and only increments by 100 regardless of game or what you do. I doubt anyone has ever cared about a score they achieved on this device.

Overall, to no-ones surprise – this is a terrible game machine. ‘One for the collection’, as they say, this will be stashed inside a box never to see daylight ever again 🙂

(Intriguingly I ended up seeing ‘Game Poke’ gashapon in a few places in Japan. On one of them a note was attached to the front explaining in English and Japanese that only one in five of the devices actually worked. The others apparently were fakes with stickers on their screens and intended solely as keychains. It seems therefore I got lucky?)

The Contest

“Let’s have a contest to see who can put the most stickers on a postcard!” I texted out of the blue last Saturday.

“Sure”, replied Bernard almost instantly. He was never a man to run from a challenge.

Some rules were set: the postcards had to be standard sized, a 2 x 6 cm left clear for the address and the stickers had to be unique and not overlap. We would mail simultaneously on Monday, so there would be no chance we could see the others entry first.

The same afternoon I selected the postcard I would use. This itself was an exercise; I have an expansive collection of unused cards and it had to be ‘just right’. I decided on the above since the jovial front would provide effective contrast to the nightmare on the back.

And then I crafted it. It took patience and tweezers and maniacal attention to detail. During those few hours my soul soared with pride and sunk to the lowest depths of shame. I was creating my magnum opus, but driving myself to the very edge of madness in the process.

At the same time over 2500 miles away Bernard was hard at work as well. We exchanged light jabs via text – this was a contest after all. But deep down we knew the battle would be hard fought.

And then, on Monday, we bequeathed the cards to the mercy of the post…

Today, three short days later… this was in my mailbox:

I’ve censored the above to protect the children, but you can imagine my reaction. The jocular grin. The vacant eyes. The devil-may-care message. All carefully chosen to lower the defenses of the recipient. To ease one into a false sense of security. To make one think “Oh look at this cute card. I bet it’s got a nice message on the back…”

At this point I’ll add that during the past few days we had boasted about our entries. Neither of us had taken this lightly. Both of us were sure of a win.

“(Mine is) good”, Bernard had texted just after mailing his, “but I made silly mistakes.”

I wasn’t fooled. This was the bluff of an expert. “Mine is superb”, I replied. “My next one will be perfect.”

It went further. A mythology was born via texts. We predicted each would be slackjawed upon receipt, and the passage of the cards through the postal service may bring carriers to their knees.

So now it was time. I had the card in my hand, and the unknown was about to be revealed. I slowly turned it over, and this is what I saw:

These words I texted him: “Jesus H Christ”

A veritable myriad of stickers in all shapes and sizes! The colours shone from the card like a rainbow, and the birds and the butterflies and the girls and the stars beckon the viewer to another more beautiful realm. The effect was sublime; for even as I feared the front of the card was the red carpet to hell I discovered instead it was the rose-petal strewn entrance to The Pure Land.

Everything about this card was exultant! This was no nightmare… this was glorious!

But this was a contest…

Later the next day, after he returned from work, Bernard also found a card in his mailbox. He chuckled at the front, no doubt muttering words like “That rogue!” under his breath as he did. Tossing his keys on the table he idly turned the card over, unsure of what he’d see but quite confident in his victory.

And then he saw this:

His only comment: “Goddamnit!” 

I will leave it to the reader to actually count the stickers to determine who actually won this contest. But really does it matter?

For we have learned that this contest was as much about the journey as the destination. The act of creation alone has made us both victorious, and in sharing this art with all of you today, I think you’ll agree that everyone wins!

I Made This!

It’s been a while since a craft post, so here we go!

BFS sent me this. He’s always sending me these metal kits since he knows they’re a chore to put together and he uses me as his proxy! There seems to be two companies making them, the ‘metal miniatures’ guys (that you see in stores everywhere) and these less common Chinese models, which are more difficult and have slightly lower quality control.

To put it bluntly, this thing was excruciatingly frustrating to assemble. The pieces were miniature and mostly black or very reflective gold – both colours seemingly chosen to make it impossible to see the sub-millimeter tabs and slots with the naked eye! Furthermore the instructions left a lot to be desired.

I struggled on though, cut myself more than once on sharp edges and made two critical structural errors that essentially doomed the thing. But I was able to pose it in a more or less finished state regardless:

Verdict: way way too fiddly. Save this one for when you’ve built all 500 other similar kits 🙂

I bought the above in Japan. It was a new release and as you can see quite cheap for what it is. Which is a Gundam? A girl kit? A girl Gundam?!? Who knows!

I love the colouring and the pearlescent plastic and the soft parts and the fact the manual is – for the first time that I’d seen – printed in both Japanese and English! Look at all those eyes though…

She was an easy build because Bandai has long since mastered these sorts of things. As a bonus she comes with a stand!

She’s a little creepy isn’t she? Maybe it’s just the lack of a pose. She’s got joints everywhere and her wings can spread out fully behind her so I suppose I should make her a little more dynamic. Overall a great kit for under US$20 and a lot of fun to assemble.

We also purchased the above in Japan, and it even cost more than the Gundam! As you can see it’s a ‘Real Scale’ plastic bonsai kit, which seems a bit of a lie since it’s actually quite small.

The instructions are very cute but also very short since the kit itself was only 5 pieces! I was a bit mystified by the manufacturing though: how did they get the tufts of green into the brown plastic like that?

Assembly was trivial and I skipped the painting advice in the instructions. Even so, I think it looks pretty good assembled:

That’s a normal sized Lego guy next to it for scale. See what I mean about small?! This was expensive for what it is but I suspect it may have been partially ‘garage’ built (i.e. handmade) and it’ll look good in our curio so I’m glad I bought it.

I think the next one of these posts may focus on electronic crafts. Look for it in a month or two 🙂