Archive for the ‘Miscellaneous’ Category

For Your Eyes Only

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

Operation ‘First Fleet’ is confirmed.

Operatives ‘Slim Dusty’ and ‘Banjo Patterson’ will disembark at Mascot in 81 days. Though their transports will be different, they have synchronized their schedules to arrive near simultaneously. While their identities are a closely kept secret, here are artists sketches (SD on the left):

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Shortly after arrival they will rendezvous with their local contact, ‘Henry Lawson’, who will provide a safe house from which the operation will be carried out. Lawson’s current appearance is uncomfirmed, but he is believed to have not changed much since this photograph was taken:

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The operation will last for roughly three weeks, and the principle mission objectives are:

– Interact with locals, especially those working as vendors in fast-food restaurants
– Determine via personal experimentation the sugar content of local sweets and toroidal baked cakes
– Carry out rigorous experiments to estimate payout percentages of local lottery tickets and gambling machines
– While not performing the above, activate ‘profligate wastrel’ disguises to keep mission objectives secret

Operatives will regularly report on progress via this or a similar channel. Stay tuned…

Dam It!

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

When I was a kid, I loved to dam creeks.

I was lucky since we always seemed to live somewhere near a creek or two. And when I say creek, I don’t mean in the American sense, where raging torrents are sometimes referred to as ‘creeks’. I mean shallow little waterways easily jumped over (at least during the dry season) although big enough to carry the occasional fish or yabby. I loved playing in and around creeks, and many adventures were had.

And there almost always came a time when, for arcane reasons ununderstandable to adults, I had to dam the creek! And this wasn’t once or twice, I did this many times.

Take this one for instance:

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That’s our Kahibah house. There was a creek behind it that ran under the road. The main portion of the creek ran off the bottom right of the picture, but behind our house it took a 90 degree turn up and ran more or less parallel to the road. This tributary was small and muddy and fun to play in. Many frogs were caught; many tiny fish were collected. And the high dirt walls were structurally perfect to sustain a dam.

At first these were piddling affairs; just dig out a bit of mud and pile it up, maybe mixing in a few found rocks and a fallen branch or two. The water would build up and eventually wash everything away. This was of course fun, but I could do better. And I did. In time I would learn which types of mud worked better and how to divert the water through a (hand dug) side channel to allow unimpeded construction.

Within a year or two I had veritably obtained my PhD in ‘child creek construction’, and these were the days in which I would ‘bake’ mud bricks in the hot sun using old icecream containers as molds. The bricks would be hardened with grass cuttings and cemented with rich black mud dug from the walls of the creek. Using this technique I once turned this flimsy little creek from something ankle deep to something I could sit in and be up to my neck πŸ™‚

And this wasn’t the only creek:

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I wonder if the people living in those houses know there is a creek running underneath their properties? Back in those days (198X), my brother and I and a few of the neighbourhood delinquents took what mother nature had provided and terraformed it into a waterslide. We smoothed the dirt walls with water, built a small dam downstream to create a pool and actually slid down the gently sloping creekbed like we were at Wet & Wild.

Such were the amusements of the proletariat urchins in 1980s suburban Australia.

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These dams would last days, sometimes weeks. I recall building rudimentary crenelations atop one, and putting little twigs up their to represent flags atop the castle wall. I’d play in and around them, getting awesomely dirty and muddy, and then we’d run along home and hose each other off before going inside. Sometimes we’d had to pick leeches off as well, since they were common foes. If they’d had enough time to get a good suck going there would be blood when you removed them. I’d occasionally collect these guys as well and keep them in a tank, but I think my parents used to discourage this πŸ™‚

Dam building hit it’s apex probably when I was about 10 or 11 years old. At that time I never saw a creek I didn’t want to dam in some way, even if it was just throwing a dead tree into it. It couldn’t have been an interest of mine only, since sometimes we’d fine dams on creeks obviously build by others. I should have formed a guild.

As with all interests, time caused it to fade, and during my highschool and college years I’m sure the last thing I ever thought about was trundling into the bush and building a muddy creek. And yet…

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That’s lovely Valentine, where my then-girlfriend SMC lived. One day we were walking along the lake and came upon a lovely little creek behind a sport field. Amazingly we ended up spending some hours building a decent dam. I guess the spark hadn’t disappeared after all!

The Voyager

Thursday, September 19th, 2013

You may have heard the news: last week NASA confirmed that the probe Voyager 1, launched back on September 5 1977, had left our solar system and is now in interstellar space. Moving at over 60,000 km/hr, it is now headed toward the Great Unknown, and in a decade or two will leave humanity behind.

For such a brave and successful explorer, this future is both appropriate and yet deeply saddening.

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That was Voyager before it was launched. For it’s time, it had the most sophisticated computers, detectors, imaging systems and transmitters known. The software was upgradeable, and it even had a 64 kB tape drive on which it could backup data if it was temporarily unable to transmit it home. The primary mission of Voyager, following on from the earlier Pioneer probes, was to explore the outer Solar System, specifically Saturn and Jupiter.

And how it succeeded! 14 months after launch Voyager reached Saturn (the ‘Jovian system’) and began to send back spectacular images like this:

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That’s Jupiter with two of it’s moons, Io (left) and Europa. Voyager was about 350,000 kilometers away when this was taken, and this and other images gave us knowledge of Jupiter and it’s moons – such as rings, volcanic activity and the atmospheric winds – that we could never have known without such close-range observation. Voyager spent about 5 months close enough to Jupiter to study it and then continued on toward Saturn.

It took almost a year and a half more to get to the next planet, but once Voyager arrive it once again astonished everyone back here at home with not only its scientific discoveries (including details of the surfaces of the many moons and complex structures of the rings) but also photos like this one that has become famous:

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This angle is not observable from Earth, and obviously it is impossible to image Saturn with this resolution from here (or even Earth orbit). Were it not for Voyager, we simply wouldn’t have had an image as beautiful as this.

After Saturn, in November 1980, Voyager’s primary mission was ended, a little over three years after it had begun. That was 33 years ago.

But Voyager didn’t stop! Unlike Cassini (which is even now orbiting Saturn and at the end of it’s mission in four years will crash into the planet), Voyager continued along a trajectory which would take it to the very edges of our Solar system. It was still powered and scientists at NASA continued to use the instruments for experiments related to the composition of space and the influence of the Sun at long distances, but Voyager continued moving further and further away from home.

in February 1990 Voyager took its last – and perhaps most famous – photograph, shortly thereafter dubbed ‘Pale Blue Dot’:

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See that tiny bright spot about halfway down the brown stripe on the right side? That’s where you are now; that’s Earth. This is Voyager looking home 13 years after it had left. This is the farthest-ever photo taken of Earth, taken from a distance of 6.5 billion kilometers. Shortly afterwards Voyagers cameras were shut down; the software uninstalled, and the computers back here on Earth used to interpret the images mothballed.

I wonder if any camera will ever photograph this planet from a distance greater than this photo?

And so Voyager continued, moving into the farthest reaches of our Solar System. In 1998 it passed Pioneer 10 (which had been launched 5 years before Voyager) and became the farthest man-made object from our planet. And yet it continued onward, and continues still.

It was confirmed recently by NASA that Voyager has now entered interstellar space, which means it had left our solar system (the area of space subject to the solar winds of our sun). It has been traveling for over 36 years now, and still continues to send data back to Earth. Voyager is now 18.7 trillion miles from Earth, and its messages take 17 hours to arrive. While some of the instruments have ceased to function, Voyager still has enough power to take measurements of the composition of deep space and send that data back to Earth. However in about a decade the instruments will be powered down, and in about 20 years Voyager will be out of our range. At that point, it will truly be gone.

One aspect of Voyager that made the probe famous from the very start was the Golden Record:

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This disc is bolted to the craft, and contains images and sounds from Earth. This was intended as a sort of introduction to the people that created the probe, intended to be decoded by any intelligent race that may one day recover Voyager. The record is attached to the side of the craft and is protected against collisions with space dust by an aluminium case. It is presumed the record will be viable for over a billion years.

The contents of this disc are hopeful and wonderful and inspired. This ‘message in a golden bottle’ is not a plea for help; it is a plea for friends. Greetings in 55 languages (and ‘whale sounds’) are included, ranging from the very simply “Hello” (in Hebrew) to the poetic “Greetings to our friends in the stars. May time bring us together” (in Arabic). There is hardly enough information in these brief recordings to decode any meaning, but the intent is beautiful.

Additional sounds include those of nature (frogs and rain), industry (trains) and humanity (heartbeats, laughing). 90 minutes of music are also on the disc, including my dad’s favourite, Beethoven. Many images are also included, of all manner of topics including people, animals, science, nature and space exploration itself. I particularly like that the Sydney Opera House is on the disc.

As a child I used to wonder a lot about who would find this disc. I would have assumed that they would be able to play it and decode the images and sounds, and that one day they may find their way to the planet on which it was recorded. However the simple truth is that such a possibility – even if the aliens exist – is almost nonexistent.

Voyager is headed into deep space, on a mission with a duration that will make the 18 months between Jupiter and Saturn seem like a walk in the park. Voyager isn’t headed toward any particular star, much less the closest, and therefore it is difficult to predict where it will end up.

The distances in space are vast – so big as to be beyond human understanding. NASA says in about 40,000 years Voyager will be in the vicinity of the star Gleiss, which has an unusual elliptical orbit and will then be, at a distance of 3.6 light years, the closest star to Earth. But Voyager will (at best), be only about 1.6 light years from Gleiss. If it continues at its current speed, that means at best Voyager will only get within 28000 years of Gleiss. NASA is throwing us some hope with their statement: the truth is Voyager will continue for a very, very, long time before it actually ends up anywhere, if it even does at all.

And will it be found? In about 20 years Voyager will ‘die’; it’s power supply will shut down and it will stop transmitting. Think of the transmitter as a beacon. By then it will be too far for us to detect it, but presumably someone else closer than us might. But once the beacon is off, the finding such a tiny piece of metal in the impossibly vast expanse of space will become almost impossible. This is not a challenge that can be overcome by more and more sophisticated detection equipment; the inability to find Voyager will be due to simple laws of physics. Without any beacon to guide a potential discovery, Voyager will only be intercepted if it is literally stumbled upon.

The likelihood is that this will never happen, and Voyager will continue forever, alone and unfound, until one day perhaps it is captured by the gravitational field of an unknown sun billions of years from home.

Spare a thought for this little guy. He’s further than any human will ever be. He’s seen things no human will ever see. He will survive every person on this planet and very likely every person that will ever live on this planet. He may even survive this planet itself, when it is absorbed into our ever-growing sun billions of years from now. If that day ever arrives, the only history that we ever existed will be the remaining space probes, and Voyager will likely remain the farthest one that we ever sent into the Great Unknown.

Double Chicken

Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

Recently, I’ve detected a frequency in the amount of comments directed at me regarding my talents in the kitchen.

Since these have been – obviously – universally positive, I believe it is time again to share my skills in the form of another recipe.

So today I will teach you all how to make what I just ate for lunch: Rotisserie chicken panini with homemade chicken soup.

As we all know, good food requires good ingredients. You can use any old bread to make a panini, but I recommend something premium:

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Place the bread on your cooker of choice, then carefully slice a rotisserie chicken and some provolone cheese and add it to the sandwich:

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Put the other slice on and start cooking. Now there are varying opinions as to how long one should cook a panini, but I subscribe to the ‘when the light is green’ technique:

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Assuming you have followed these instructions without error, you should end up with a delicious chicken panini:

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Now as Jesus Christ never actually said ‘Man can’t live on bread alone’. The second half of your meal is homemade soup. Start by bringing about half of a small saucepan of water to a boil:

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Carefully add the water to a mixture of noodles, vegetables and chicken stock flavoring (I use the powdered version):

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And here’s the step that separates the chefs from the home cooks: seal the top for a while, allowing the newly added ingredients to cook in the water. If you master this technique, you’ll enter into a new world of taste:

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And that’s it. Serve the panini and soup together with an appropriate beverage (I recommend something citrusy) and enjoy πŸ™‚

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Twenty Things We Saw At Another Fair

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

After the fair last week, one of KLS’s workmates suggest we visit another fair, about 90 minutes south of here. Everything about it was supposed to be bigger and better than Altamont, including the rides.

We had to go!

So go we did, to the Duchess County Fair in Rhinebeck, NY. We got there shortly after it opened and stayed for more than six hours. Quite simply, this fair had more to see than could ever be seen and more to do than could ever be done.

We tried though, and here is some of what we saw:

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1) County fairs celebrate agriculture and farming, so is it a surprise to see something like the above? What about…

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2) The JCB ‘dancing diggers’ performance. Such hydraulic power! Such structural integrity! I have never seen such a beautiful performance of choreographed excavators before!

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3) We saw a robot named Oscar…

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4) And an old master painting a masterpiece onto a mirror!

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5) The food selections were mind boggling. KLS had a crab cake platter, and I…

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6) had a lamb gyro. I was planning on getting a corn dog later but… I’ll get to that…

Lets talk about the animals! There were a bazillion of them there, representing countless different species, for example:

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7) Porkers…

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8) A tiny horse…

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9) An evil giant bird…

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10) An insane, metal-eating armor-clad sheep…

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11) A lazy bugger…

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666) And Satan!

We also saw camels, long-jumping hounds, rabbits, fowl, monkeys and even two coatimundi!

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13) Here we see KLS next to the prize-winning Christmas tree. Every type of plant you could imagine was being shown and judged including…

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14) A room full of flowers!

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15) That’s the prize-winning Dahlia. Can you grow them this well?

16) Speaking of prize-winning, here’s a remarkable piece of art we assume is The Greatest American Hero:

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And of course, we saw the rides! Unlike Altamont, rides were not included in the entry price and cost about $5 each. There were dozens of them in all shapes and sizes, three of which I was very interested in riding. They were:

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17) ‘The Claw’, a contraption with so many axis of rotation it may outdo The Zipper! Looking at it, I knew it would ruin me πŸ™

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18) The ‘Sky Diver’, a sort of leveled-up Ferris Wheel in which you’d spend half your time upside down!

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19) The ‘Fire Ball’, known to aficionados like myself as the ‘Superlooper’. I hadn’t ridden one in 30 years and even though I feared it would ruin me the pull of nostalgia was strong. I sat KLS on a shady seat, shuffled off and before I could change my mind purchased a ticket from a grizzled felon, hopped on the ride and buckled myself into the front seat. Here’s what I looked like immediately afterwards:

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20) Yes my friends, I was ruined. Even now, almost a day later I can remember the dizziness. I curse the god that makes me sick on all these wonderful rides I love :< After, I noted that I was significantly older than almost every person riding any ride. Have I outgrown these things? I hope not. Post-fireball illness aside, the fair was spectacular. We will certainly be back next year πŸ™‚