Category: Movies

Pirates vs Robots!

January 22, 2022

We recently watched all five Pirates Of The Caribbean and all five Transformers films in order. Both series were massive hits, spanned around the same time period (2003 – 2017) and made about the same total amount at the box office (about 5 billion). Let’s compare the series film-by-film!

The Curse of the Black Pearl vs Transformers

The first Pirates film holds up quite well, although seems weirdly subdued by today’s action-film standards. Johnny Depp is likeable enough as Captain Jack Sparrow, but only at a distance, and I wonder if the series would have served better riffing on the setting rather than the character. The other actors do a good job, and the film does a great job resurrecting the swashbuckling genre for a modern age. The special effects are ancient today, but still look good. Lots of fun even twenty years later.

Transformers is bombastic and frenetic but was such a massive hit that it led directly to the action-over-plot films of today. The robots looks great, even if the transformation sequences are needlessly complicated, but the human actors are superfluous and even at times repulsive (I’m looking at you Shia). The film is also obsessed with shots of the US military, to the point it becomes disturbingly like a recruitment film. A fun watch, but mostly forgettable.

Comparing the two, I’d say that Curse of The Black Pearl is easily the more entertaining.

Dead Mans Chest vs Revenge Of The Fallen

Pirates 2 is where the franchise really took sail. The filmmakers cleverly improved on every aspect of the original and raised the stakes in every way. The character of squidlike Davy Jones is one of the strongest the series ever had, and the decision to make this well-plotted story a two-parter, was a good one. Visually it’s extraordinary, and it still remains the best Pirates film.

By comparison, Transformers 2 is a mess. The characters (and human story) take even more of a backseat to mad robot action to the extent that the scenes with Shia Lebouf or (even worse) Megan Fox are so ridiculous you can almost hear the scriptwriters desperately trying to make their lines relevant. Of course the robots are still great – special mention to Devestator eating a pyramid – but it’s a mostly disposable film that failed to improve on the first.

Compared, Dead Mans Chest is easily the better of the two.

At Worlds End vs Dark Of The Moon

Pirates 3 wrapped up the story of 2, but cleverly introduced a few new twists and characters. The always watchable Geoffrey Rush returns as Barbossa, and a lot of screen time is given to the delightful Naomi Harris as Tia/Calypso. While not as sublime as the previous film, this is still a masterclass in Hollywood action movies and would have been a fitting end to the entire series.

Transformers 3 is where the series descends into madness. Leonard Nimoy plays Sentinel Prime, a villian that quotes Star Trek (I kid you not) as he tries to turn Earth into Cybertron. Shia Lebouf is back as Sam Witwicky, and he’s managed to get himself an even more irritating (and beautiful) girlfriend. It’s all lunacy, but the action scenes are so over the top (a gigantic transforming robot worm tunnels through buildings) it’s strangely watchable. This is where you start accepting that the scripts are trash and turn your mind off and enjoy the pretty images. It’s objectively a terrible film, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Once again, comparing the two I’d hand it to At World End.

On Stranger Tides vs Age Of Extinction

Pirates 4 is a misstep for the franchise. This is ‘the mermaid one’ and features the pirate Blackbeard as he (and a mostly new band of heroes) search for the fountain of youth. By this film Captain Jack has become a weird gibbering fool, and contributes so little to the plot I question his inclusion. Blackbeard steals every scene he’s in, so it’s puzzling how underutilized he (and his magical boat) is. This is a Pirates film that occurs almost entirely on land, and raises some difficult questions about the ‘Pirates universe’ that we still don’t have answers for. Still fun, but not as much as previous films.

Transformers 4 is so crazy it’s hard to believe it was made. It’s a bit of a series reboot, and the hero is now Marky Mark. The opening sequence where he finds a dormant Optimus Prime is subdued and works quite well but just when you think the filmmakers have decided to dial back a bit it goes off the rails with a nanomachine-based resurrected Megatron and then further off the rails with dinosaur transformers that could be millions of years old?!? There’s gaping plot holes aplenty, and lots of characters that don’t have any valid role in the film, but those shots of Optimus riding a T-Rex into battle whilst wielding a massive broadsword are cinematic gold. The best Transformers film yet.

For the first time I’d say that Age Of Extinction beats On Stranger Tides for entertainment value.

Dead Men Tell No Tales vs The Last Knight

Pirates 5 tells a tale of an undead pirate on a quest to defeat (guess who?) Captain Jack Sparrow. Of course our heroes devise a plan to prevent this, and it requires them to retrieve Poseidon’s trident?!? Yes apparently the god Poseidon exists in the Pirates universe (and he’s not even the first god in this film series), and you can imagine how bonkers this plot is to fit that in. The special effects are breathtaking and the visuals at times gorgeous, but this film is overly loaded with CGI and in some way feels fundamentally different from the previous ones. Props to the cute new girl, who we learn is Barbossa’s (yes he’s back) daughter, and the way this film ties up a few loose ends from previous films. But once again Depp is a weak link and overall the film fails to recapture past glories.

Transformers 5 is famously insane: this is the one where the filmmakers apparently thought gigantic intelligent transforming robots was too bland so they had to work in the entire Arthurian myth as well. It also weirdly retcons previous films (transformers fought in the World Wars?), has way too many characters, plot holes aplenty and by its end all but destroys the world. There are glimpses of greatness in this film, like the scene where Megatron negotiates the release of his goons, or (as always for this series) whenever Optimus is swinging a sword, but the action scenes overall are just stupidly over the top and the grim ending (and post credits sequel opening) leave a bad taste.

Two weak films then, each arguably the worst of their series. Comparing both, I’d give the slight edge to Dead Men Tell No Tales.

Overall then, by my reckoning in a battle of Pirates vs Robots it seems the Pirates win, and easily, with 4 victories to only 1.

And yet… there is a sixth Transformers film, and to the surprise of everyone it was genuinely great. Yes I speak of Bumblebee, the charming reboot with a story about Bumblebee arriving on Earth. Maybe I was just dazzled by Hailee Steinfeld, but I loved this film and would rate it above every Pirates film!

And there’s also apparently two more Pirates films in some level of development, and a seventh Transformers film (Rise Of The Beasts) has been filmed and is due for release next year. Maybe one day I’ll have to follow up this post with further critique 🙂

59 More Hours of Ultraman!

June 3, 2021

I’ve been continuing with the Ultraman series, watching each as they have been released. Here’s an update with what I’ve seen since the last post.

Ultraman Taro (1973, 53 episodes 22.5 hours)

This was the first ultra-series made after I was born! As with all others, it tells the story of an alien superhero that possesses the body of an earthling to protect the planet against extraterrestrial threats. By now the format was established and the series had won the hearts of Japanese children, and as such most episodes featured a child-in-peril who is then saved by Ultraman Taro. Many kaiju return from earlier series, and overall the production quality felt higher than it was for Ultraman Ace.

Once again much of the series is shot outdoors and on location, and as with earlier series I loved seeing the ‘normal’ Japan of the early 1070s. I always enjoyed glimpses into peoples apartments, shops, tourist sites (even an unusual amusement park!) and restaurants. The fashions are great as well, as with most media created in the 1970s!

What made Taro particularly good was the frequent cameos by other Ultras. Not only does this series introduce Mother of Ultra, but Father of Ultra makes a few appearances as well. Better yet, all previous Ultramen (including Zoffy) feature more than once, and there’s a wonderful two-part episode that even features the original actors of the human hosts from all previous series. I imagine this was incredible special for parents watching the show with their kids back in 1973, seeing Shin Hayata and Dan Moroboshi returning to the series for cameos.

I enjoyed this series quite a bit, and can see why it’s one of the more beloved of the original Heisei-era Ultraman series.

Ultraman Ginga/Ginga S (2013, 27 episodes, 13.5 hours)

This is a strange series, since (more than any other Ultra series) it seems to exist in a world unconcerned by the goings-on. Hikari Raido awakens to the power of Ultraman Ginga, an Ultra ‘from the future’ and uses the power to defend the Earth from evil aliens. Except mostly he’s defending an abandoned school, which he randomly visited in episode 1 for nostalgic reasons. He has a few friends that assist him, but the lack of any concerted government response to the attacks from giant kaiju feels more unusual here than in other series. It’s extremely fast-paced as well, wrapping itself up in only 11 episodes. I wonder if even the creators felt the show lacked a bit of spark as they were making it?

The solution: a quickie sequel! Ultraman Ginga S came out the following year, and added a second new Ultraman to the show: Ultraman Victory. In almost every way he’s cooler than Ginga and the dynamic between the two (first jealousy, then brotherhood) works well as they battle off the evil Alien Chibull, who is trying to steal resources from Earth. Ginga S as a series works much better than Ginga, and the two followup movies wisely include both Ultramen. Ginga S also includes Japanese idol Moga Mogami in a guest role as an android named Mana, and she steals the scenes every time she turns up 🙂

Overall Ginga is a little weak, but Ginga S is great and redeems Ginga quite a bit.

Ultraman Geed (2017, 27 episodes, 11.5 hours)

This is a great series. Rika Asakura (played by a 16-year-old) is Ultraman Geed (pronounced ‘jeed’) who we eventually learn is the son of the evil Ultraman Belial. Through the usual hijinks, he lives in a teleporting base with an alien and a cute girl, and collectively the three fight off the efforts of Ultraman Belial to destroy the universe. It’s an absurd setup to be sure, but the show is so fast-paced and insane it doesn’t matter.

There’s lots to love here. Belial’s host is an author specializing in books about mysteries (such as lost cities, unexplained phenomena etc) and the actor plays the role very well. Riku’s got a childhood friend who pretends to sell insurance but is actually a space policewoman with an (extremely cool) android boss, and there’s some great episodes where she is jealous of the girl Riku is living with. But the best inclusion is an office worker who is the unwilling host of Ultraman Zero (historic nemesis of Belial and all-around badass Ultraman). This guy does the whole Clark Kent/Superman thing perfectly – down to the glasses – and his transformation into Zero is always grand. He’s not just a cameo either, and is in almost every episode (as is his family). They could have just as easily called this Ultraman Geed/Zero!

Geed has some insane transformations, especially once he assumes the powers of Ultraman King. Zero also goes through various levels of upgrades in this series, and the battles in the last few episodes (and the movies) feature all sorts of dazzling effects and special attacks. As a very recent series the kaiju suits are often breathtaking as well, and many times I wondered if they were all physical effects or enhanced with CG.

A truly wonderful Ultra series. Maybe it’s even better than Ultraman Orb 🙂

Ultraman R/B (2018, 25 episodes, 11.5 hours)

The followup series to Geed (yes they make a new one every year) features not one but two Ultramen! Brothers Katsumi and Isami are Ultraman R and B, who together must fight against the machinations of Aizentech president Makoto Aizen, who is using a dark alien power to turn himself into an evil Ultraman…

…except that doesn’t last long and mid-series we find that the true villian is extremely cute gothic princess Saki Mitsurugi, who wants to destroy the world and just may have the power to do it!

Without giving too much away there’s more to the story than I just described, and it’s got quite a few twists and turns to keep you guessing down to the very last episode. The two brothers start a bit irritating, but quickly endear themselves as they realize there’s strength in brotherhood, which they point out to each other (ie. the audience) almost every episode! The villians are great, but goth-girl Saki has such screen presence that you will almost completely forget the first-half villian as soon as she appears! This series has a lot of comedy as well, including the few (usual) comedy episodes some of which break the fourth wall as they joke with Ultra conventions.

Of course R/B eventually learn to individually power up and when that’s not enough they actually merge together to create Ultraman Reube. Even that’s not enough for the final boss, so Reube himself powers up via special crystals. It’s all bonkers and a means to sell toys to kids, but it gives me a laugh every time. In a great surprise the movie introduces an extremely unique new Ultra as well, but I can’t say more without spoiling it 😉

The effects are great, the story is interesting, and the characters likeable: another fun and enjoyable Ultra series.

So that’s another 60-odd hours down, but of course there’s loads more. I don’t even think I’m halfway through all the Ultra series that will eventually be released, and indeed I already have Ultraman Leo in my possession and Mega Monster Battle and Ultraman Zero Chronicles are soon to be released. Look for another set of reviews in a year or so 🙂

Oh yes that last pic? That’s from the upcoming film Shin Ultraman, which I’m looking forward to more than any other film. If it’s anywhere near as good as Shin Godzilla was, it promises to be something special indeed.

Over 75 Hours Of Ultraman!

September 15, 2020

Since the start of summer I’ve been watching a lot of Ultraman. This is because – to my delight – it’s finally all being released on Blu-Ray here in the USA. Naturally, I’ll buy and watch it all!

Return of Ultraman (1971, 51 episodes, 22 hours)

This was the third Ultra series, a followup from Ultraseven which had been such a success Tsuburaya somewhat reluctantly continued the show into a third series. This time a race car driver – Hideki Go – assumes the mantle of Ultraman Jack to save the world from the usual gallery of intergalactic, supernatural and extra dimensional threats.

It mostly follows the style set in the previous two series, with monster-of-the-week stories that are fun for kids but also very watchable by adults. Much of the success is the charm of Go himself, a very earnest hero that never quite manages to regain his humanity after being saved by Jack (when he dies). The show has some dark elements as well – a character is dragged behind a car to death! – as well as a horror ‘series’ of episodes that I bet thrilled Japanese kids in 1971!

I particularly loved the location episodes, which traveled all around Japan and gave me many ideas for future trips! The winter series that had characters running around in waist deep snow were mesmerizing!

Overall I really enjoyed this series. It wasn’t as good as Ultraseven (read my review here), but that’s an incredibly high bar and Return of Ultraman is still a great six-fi show.

Ultraman Ace (1972, 52 episodes, 22 hours)

By this, the fourth Ultra series, Tsuburaya knew they were into a good thing and in Ultraman Ace they began to develop what we know call the Ultra Universe. There had been brief cameos before, but in this series the new Ultra was often joined by his ‘brothers’ (Ultraman, Seven, Jack and Zoffy) and even – in memorable episodes – his father. Together they fought to protect earth from a weekly parade of giant beasts and villains. And they talk! In previous series the Ultras were almost entirely silent but here the talk to each other and its clear there’s a history and society beyond their appearances on Earth.

The series in some ways is a step back from Return of Ultraman. Despite an interesting twist of two hosts for Ace, neither had the charm of any of the previous hosts. And the ‘terrible monsters’ featured in the show we’re at times a bit too bizarre to be credible. Ace however is a dextrous and dangerous Ultra, and the fights were both more acrobatic and violent than the previous years.

Toward the ends it gets a bit too childish and even starts to include blatant promotions for Ultra toys (which had become big sellers in Japan), and I found the end a let down after the great final episodes of previous series. The weakest of the early series that I have watched.

Ultraman X (2015, 22 episodes + movie, 13.5 hours)

Jumping forward forty-three years and we have the 27th Ultra series! Mill Creek is releasing them in an unusual order, but since the different series are only loosely connected it’s not a big problem. I hope they go back and release the 5th through 26th series, especially the one made in Australia in 1992 (Ultraman: Towards the Future)!

I’ve seen quite a lot of recent tokusatsu (‘men in rubber suits’) series and this one adheres fairly well to the formula: lightweight but fun stories with lots of posturing and flashy effects during combat. X is a ‘digital’ Ultraman who lives in (basically) a cellphone and his host fuses not just with him but also with ‘spark dolls’ and monster ‘trading cards’ to form all sorts of variant forms for X. Mid combat upgrades and form changes are common, and this is taken to the extreme in the movie where he fuses with no less than five other Ultras to create a super-version of himself.

Suffice to say it’s absolutely bonkers and I loved every second. It was such a joy to finally be able to watch a subtitled recent Ultra series, but this exceeded my wildest expectations.

The cast is great too. Ultra’s host is an earnest and likeable just-out-of-teenager who works for Earth defense alongside a tsundere young woman of indeterminate age (who naturally I liked) and who is assisted by a stupidly peppy scientist played by a real-life idol that is constantly talking about how cute the Ultras are.

There’s insane levels of product placement and I’m sure the trading cards and swords and spark dolls used in the show are the actual ones you could buy in Japanese toy stores when the show ran. Rather than repulse me it just made me want to go back to Japan and start scooping up all the Ultra merchandise I see. Damn pandemic…

An awesome series. Watch it!

Ultraman Orb (25 episodes + spinoffs, 18 hours)

The 28th Ultra series is a doozy, and after watching I learned it’s one of the most beloved. It tells a mostly self-contained story of an Ultraman (Orb) who lost most of his powers and is stranded on earth with lost memories. His human form – Kurenai Gai – takes up with a sort of amateur X-Files group and usually ends up saving them from the usual rogues gallery.

At the same time his alien nemesis – Jugglus Juggler (yes you read that correctly) – is making things very difficult for him. A girl is involved, secrets are revealed and powers restored and it all comes to an extremely satisfying conclusion.

As I implied this is a monstrously good Ultra series. The three main characters (Gai, Juggler and Naomi) are all extremely likable and it’s remarkably well written for a tokusatsu merchandise vehicle! The effects – especially the CGI – are even better than in X and every time Orb learns a new form the reveal is magnificent. I loved this show!

Unfortunately the same can not be said for Ultraman Orb Origin Saga which tells the backstory of Gai and Juggler before they came to Earth. It’s not at all bad, but they aren’t yet the characters we loved in Orb and not as interesting.

The two movies though are great, especially Ultra Fight Orb that features some insane centuries-long training in a slow-time room so Orb can gain power to defeat the big bad. An idea stolen from Dragonball of course, but it works well.

Overall Orb is a truly great series, and I’m not surprised they brought Juggler back in the current (2020) Ultra series…

Over 75 hours of Ultraman so far (not including the 70+ hours I’ve watched during the last several years of the first three Ultra series) and I’m still going strong! I’m already six episodes into Ultraman Geed, have Ultraman Ginga arriving in the mail any day now and Ultraman R/B is released next month. Not to mention the new version of Ultra Q that is sitting next to me waiting to be watched, and the ‘coming soon’ second season of the (fantastic) Netflix animated Ultraman series!

I just hope they release it all before physical media dies completely! I can’t wait to have a bookshelf with over a thousand hours of Ultraman…

Robot Claw