Robot Claw

My brother recently fired off the following email:

“Hey little bro! Since your big day is coming up, I wanted to be sure to let you know how proud I am of you with a selection of fine gifts. Any suggestions?”

I’m always glad, big brother of mine, to oblige! Mayhaps the following list of trifling items may give you inspiration…

Books Category

Casket Of Souls

The near-legendary, very low print run sequel to The Tasks Of Tantalon. I have never owned this book, which came out in 1987 and was released in the UK only. Copies occasionally appear on amazon, but rarely from legitimate sellers (just because a book is listed doesn’t mean the reseller has it, especially rare books). Prices start at about $80 for used copies.

Revenge Of The Vampire

I’ve blogged about this before: The legendary ‘final’ FF gamebook with a depressingly low (for modern collectors) print run. There is one on amazon right now for as little as $80. A couple of years back a rumour was that the reprints would get to this, but they never did. Alas.

Warlock Magazine

The legendary FF magazine, 13 issues of which were published over three years in the early 1980s. I tried getting a few five years or so back on ebay, but baulked at the prices (even for single issues). I dream of owning a complete collection.

A Japanese FF gamebook

An original imprint (such as on the left) or reprint (right, which is Deathtrap Dungeon) I don’t care! But I’d love to own one. And believe me I have looked! I’ve even looked IN JAPAN with no luck! These babies are very, very hard to get a hold of. (Hrm… just remembered AW’s sister…)

White Knight, Black Swan

The legendary second David Gemmell book written under a pseudonym. A sales failure, I once read a quote (attributed to Gemmell, if I recall) that copies were even recalled and destroyed. There is one on amazon right now, but the seller is (once again) a reseller who may not even have it in stock. Besides, it’s over US$1900!

Temple Of Elemental Evil (1985)

Not the half-man reissue from a few years back, but the grand-daddy released way back when @fyrenze was a baby! 128 pages of unmitigated Gygax madness! I have to read it!!! (But not at $70!)

Toys Category

Corgi Dalek 3-pack

When we were in England, I bought one of the two available Corgi dalek 3-packs. Shown here is the other, and to this day I regret not buying it. These little (about 7 cm) tall guys are metal, weighty, and articulated (well, insofar as they are daleks). I love them! Every now and then the other colour set (white/red/silver) is on amazon, but I’ve not ever seen the above set listed.

Puck Monster VFD Game

I did a blog post about this once before. It didn’t work then, why do I think it will now?

Imakarum Miribalis Max Factory Guyver Figure

I avoided this when it was released because of sticker shock (it was over $150). Now it’s climbed to $390 on amazon. I read when it was released that it was only sold for a very short period at the convention circuit in Japan. I bet few were made. It would be a nice match to the others in the series, all of which (of course…) I own 🙂

Tolarian Academy and Gaea’s Cradle

Because I’d never pay $100 (combined!) for these two cards myself 😉

Music Category

Gone Petshopping (Pet Shop Girls)

Again, I have looked and looked for this with no luck. I even once tried to buy it on amazon only to receive a message that the seller didn’t actually have it (insert another grumble about resellers listing items they don’t even have). Note that I would *vastly* prefer the (legendary!) Japanese version since it is the only one that contains a version of ‘Go West’ that is about a million types of awesome.

So Long Celeste (Marian Gold)

What am I supposed to do when the first solo album of one of my favourite artists was only released in small quantities in god damn South Africa almost 20 years ago! Well, of course I ask for it as a gift! Note that while many of the songs were eventually included in the Alphaville mega-albums Dreamscapes and Crazyshow, they were different versions! A completist like me dies inside a little due to that 🙁

Video Game Category

Ketsui Death Smile (DS)

Aka. “The One That Got Away”. This Cave bullet-hell shooter for the DS hit the street at elevated prices and never went down. I’ve never seen it for sale, but it is occasionally on amazon for $75 or up. Is it worth it? Who’s to say? Would I buy it for that price if I had it in my hand in a Japanese used game store? Probably.

Wizardry ~?????~ (DS)

Even with your skills, this one may be hard to find. A nearly two year old DS game that was limited and exclusive to amazon.co.jp, I have never ever actually seen it for sale anywhere. All the more reason I want it 😉

Wizardry Scenario 1 (Wonderswan)

Anyone that asks themselves: “Why on Earth is this on this list?” doesn’t understand the sort of man I am! At any rate, big brother, this one will require herculean effort to find since I almost don’t even believe it exists. I have searched high and low in the most arcane and completist of Japanese used-game stores (including the legendary hall of Mandarake Nakano) and I have never, ever, ever seen this game. I can’t wait to get it for graduation 🙂

Wizardry: Bane Of The Cosmic Forge (SNES)

I suppose you could call this the ultimate. If the last two Japanese wizardry games are difficult to find (and they are!) then this one is probably impossible. Four times I have been to Japan, and each time this game was on ‘my list’. I have spent countless hours in used game stores and never, ever seen it. I would venture to guess that this particular Super Nintendo wizardry game is (much) rarer than the (European only) Might And Magic II cartridge (and if you get that for me, remember to purchase me a UK SNES so I can play it!) and even perhaps rarer than the US version of Might and Magic on the SNES… which was never released! Yes, brother, I’m saying this particular game may not exist (outside of ROMs), and would therefore be the ultimate gift. The ball is in your court!

And that’s my list! If you need more, I could probably come up with some, but I think this should be enough.

Lest the list seem… excessive… understand that I’m not asking for everything! Just a few items from each category should suffice 😉

And so we come to those dated and quaint adverts that are not easily categorized. The ones that not only would never be seen today, but must have been astonishing even in their time. Such as this:

It’s not easy to even describe what that is! A weird abacus-y thing for AD&D timekeeping? How on earth could there have ever been a market for this?

But wait! If the above is of questionable use, how about this guy:

Since this was 30 years ago, I just know that ‘walnut finish’ was contact vinyl!

What about these two ads for a service that no-one that has ever lived on Earth has ever needed:

And if you are in the business of paying for your character, why not pay for the whole thing:

I think as far as KLS is concerned the above is the most heinous ad of them all. $2 per minute to have some dude read out character stats? That’s so morally questionable it must be criminal.

Let’s change tack just a bit with a nice double-advert:

The electronic dice machine is just a figment of its era, but those book covers are fantastic! My guess is they were intended for the AD&D manuals, but wouldn’t they look flash on my textbooks today? 🙂

Fancy some arts and crafts:

They don’t mention the kit comes with free lead poisoning! (Not a joke btw, home-casting used to use lead until it was banned, and even then hobbyists melted down shotgun buckshot to keep making figures until that too was banned from using lead.)

Another for the home craftsman:

How evocative is this: the above address is in Albany, NY. I love to imagine that somewhere in this city there resides a warehouse filled with crates full of unsold Red Dragons Of Krynn. If I ever find them, I will be sure to get one for each of you!

And while you assemble it, how about some appropriate music:

That, my friends, is IT! That’s the craziest ad I have yet seen in a Dragon. I just know the dude in the horned helm is Ramal LaMarr who desperately wanted to be Prince but failed but it didn’t matter because he ended up with a (scary) harem anyway. I wonder how many AD&D games were played to his soulful tunes (as opposed to Iron Maiden or prog rock)?

So if that is the craziest, what’s left? Well here’s the worst:

Words fail me…

And here is the best:

The above ad hurts my soul. As I said to KLS, “This is the closest I will ever have to owning this game.” Which leads me to a sad and horrible tale…

It was X years ago, in Rochester, NY, at a game store then known as Crazy Egors. In a large and mostly abandoned pile of board games in the back of the cavernous store, I was astounded to see the above advertised game. It was in remarkable condition (as far as I could tell) and was an original from 198X. For reasons that to this day baffle me I never purchased it, and it’s no exaggeration to say that ever since that fateful day I the last thing I think of before sleeping each night is how foolish that decision was…

And so Dragon Week draws to a close. Rest assured I am still reading the mag, and if any truly spectacular ads turn up I will be sure to share them with you. But for now, I hope you have enjoyed the last five days of posts.

I shall leave with not an advertisement, but an announcement of a very special event. If my memory hasn’t failed me, I have a suspicion AW may be able to tell us more about this event in a comment…