Otaku – Page 107 – Robot Claw

Poster Boy

March 25, 2012

So yeah there was this post a few years back which was very popular. The worst photos of me ever? Yeah… not quite. Check this out:

The above is a photograph so diabolically awful that it pushes the boundaries of what even I would dare to put on the blog. It was taken by my brother using some sort of school-issued B&W camera. I think he was trying to be arty. Jesus, Mary and Joseph it’s a bad photo. I don’t even have any hair! And what is that hat??! Feel free to savage me in your comments 🙂

Now to the good part: check out those posters!

I used to hang a lot of posters on my walls. When I was a lad, say in 1987, these posters tended to be of the video game sort, as evidenced by this shot. Yes the photo is awful (as in, sooooooo embarrasingly awful it makes me weep) but you must admit my ‘video game otaku’ street credit went through the roof when you saw the posters I displayed back then?

I can spot C+VG posters of Way Of The Exploding Fist 2 (an awesome game I beat many times), Leviathan (a wretched C64 Zaxxon clone that I hated), and Space Harrier (the big poster). Immediately behind my head is the 2-part 1987 Zzap64 calendar, and above and to the right is another calendar (C&VG perhaps) using Ghosts’n’Goblins art. In the bottom right is an awesome Proteus poster (that just shot my gamebook otaku rating into the stratosphere).

I can’t identify the art on the one above my head, or directly behind me. Nor can I identify what the art on the visible half of the Zzap64 calendar is meant to represent. Anyone?

But, my friends, but the poster I am most proud of is only visible in part in the top left of the image. Only the most maniacal of game fans would ever in their wildest dreams think that this image was worth making into a poster, much less hand proudly on their walls. What is it, you ask?

I present: the full map of Cauldron 2 on the C64…

Oh those were the days! If only we lived in a world where I could still proudly hang game maps on my wall and call them art. Even then it was a transient fancy, most of these posters torn down only a few years later to be replaced with Nick Cave or Depeche Mode. These days I have equally otaku-ish stuff on the walls (I smell a blog entry there…) but nothing that makes me as proud as what you see in the above photo.

Excluding my hat, (lack of) hair, clothing, glasses and what I am holding of course 😉

The Worst AD&D Magic Item Of All Time

March 21, 2012

Ask anyone on the street what they think the worst ever AD&D magic item is and you’ll likely get a grab bag of answers that may include ‘the usual suspects’ such as Pearly White Ioun Stones, Girdles of Masculinity or even the Apparatus of Kwalish.

These are all well and good, and I concede borderline useless in all but the most specific of campaign. But, Good Readers, I believe I have found a magic item that is much, much worse:

Yes my friend, that is a real item, so described on page 98 of Unearthed Arcana, written by The Creator himself (Mr Gygax). One can only imagine he had descended into an absinthe-fueled Tarzanic fever dream before he decided this would be a useful addition to the game.

And yet, aside from the uncontrollable giggles I was rewarded with when first reading the description, I was later overwhelmed with a second round of giggles when I imagined – back in 1985 – the joy I may have had when MT, MMN and MS finally killed some powerful foe only for me to announce: “You search the room and find some bracers of brachiation!

So maybe Sir Gygax was trolling us all along? 🙂

3 Rounds of Bard’s Tale Combat

March 6, 2012

Recently the iOS version of the Bard’s Tale action RPG that came out for XBox a few years back has been updated to include the original games! I eagerly downloaded Bard’s Tale and started playing on the iPad.

I rolled my party, exited the guild, went into the house next door (2 steps from the guild), and this happened…