Robot Claw

Five years ago I had a surreal experience at New York Comic Con. I hinted about it on the day, but I think it’s finally time to recount the strange tale.

The tale of the day I met Q.

That’s Q, the near-omniscient all-powerful extra-dimensional being from Star Trek. He is played with appropriate bombast by the actor John de Lancie and I, for one, have always considered him absurd.

Florence loves Star Trek. I think she’s mostly a TNG fan and of course, as such, she’s a fan of Q. I’ll be bold enough to suppose he’s not her favorite by any stretch, probably not even top five, and possibly not even above Chief O’Brien. Regardless though she’s a Q fan, and therefore since John de Lancie was making an appearance at NYCC 2014 I took it upon myself to get her his autograph as a birthday gift!

So on a certain day a little under five years ago today I joined a line for de Lancies signature. Many Star Trek luminaries were signing that day, and I don’t remember why I lined up for Q over (for instance) Riker, but I do recall the original goal – Patrick Stewart’s autograph – had unfortunately failed due to a cancellation.

I stood silently in line alone while KLS camped out somewhere else guarding the loot we’d collected that day. All the lines were tightly packed together and I was surrounded by, let’s say, intense fans. Not of my caliber of course, and certainly less charming; the sort that endlessly blathered about their trivial knowledge of Trek and other topics. I tried to close my ears but failed.

It was an experience.

What I recall:
– One guy had a comic with three Trek characters on the cover. I believe they were Kirk, McCoy and Data (for some reason). He already had Shatner and was in line for Brent Spiner’s auto. He was boasting about getting them all and his friend informed him (how didn’t he already know?) that DeForest Kelly was long dead. The guy was undeterred though and simply said he’d forge the Kelly autograph!
– Another chap had a giant poster with loads of cast members on it and most of them had already been signed. Clearly he’d taken this thing to many conventions and was close to getting every signature. Someone asked him what he would do with it when he finished and he said he was going to print duplicates and sell them!
– A third person was strangely focused on LeVar Burtons singing (or musical) talents and even eventually spoke with him about it as he was getting his autograph. Burton was humble, but I got the distinct feeling the fan had confused him for someone else…

There was more weirdness but time dulls the memory. It was an excruciating wait for de Lancie to arrive. Eventually he did.

de Lancie’s line wasn’t the longest but there were several ahead of me and some behind. While waiting I had become aware of the fact that I seemed to be the only one there for Q’s autograph and the rest of the line was there since he was at the time voicing one of the Little Ponies! Indeed, of the photos he was selling most of them were ponies and only two were Q! I watched those ahead of me talk pony with him, or rather at him since although he was sitting right there it seemed he was elsewhere. I watched him look straight at a young girl and apparently talk to her before I (and she?) realized he was actually speaking to his assistant behind him. It was strange. Then it was my turn.

Now I forget exactly what I said to him, but it was mostly a total lie. I spun some eloquent and moving tale about my BFF Florence who ‘always wanted to meet him’ and loved Q since ‘he was funny but mischievous and had a heart of gold’. There’s a nonzero chance I said she read the Q novels, and I may have even told him that she thought that utterly alien Q was ‘the most human’ of the TNG characters, in no small part due to his wonderful portrayal.

He ate it up, looking me right in the eye, nodding knowingly once or twice. Through my words I was sure he felt the love of his distant fan Florence. How would he reply?

“And what is it”, he said, “that you do?”

And that was that. In one simple question he utterly dismissed the reason I was there. He didn’t care at all about Florence, and demonstrated not the slightest of hints that he had listened to anything I had said.

Money was exchanged. A photograph was signed. No personal photos taken (they cost extra) and I was done. Q who?

And that was that! It was weird and surreal and irritating and funny. Five years later I still vividly remember the experience and I’ve always wondered was it just me or is he always like that?

The upside was I got an autograph for Florence, but I don’t remember what he wrote or even if he personalized it. Regardless now she knows the whole story maybe it’ll bring a smile the next time she looks at it: the day I thought I was ‘meeting’ John de Lancie, but walked off feeling more like I’d – albeit briefly – actually met Q.