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I Can’t Draw

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

There are a lot of things I can do well, and even some I can do very well. You may have noticed I don’t have a problem boasting about such things here on the blog.

So now it is time to boast about something I am really, really bad at. And that is drawing.

As an example, I was driving around on the information superhighway the other day and found this remarkable image on the website of a freelance designer:

It’s just a little something he (oil) painted in his spare time. It’s a homage to Monster Hunter, and – as you can see – it is a pretty stunning display of artistic talent.

By comparison, here’s a picture of a monster I once knocked up in my spare time:

I drew the above when I was about 19. It stayed on that blackboard (which, amusingly, was on the wall of a house we lived in) for about four years. Some of them after I left Australia. I was quite proud of this creation. It was one of the better monsters I had ever drawn.

To quote Jeremy Clarkson: ‘If I’m honest… it’s terrible.”

Here’s another piece of art I found online. To stick to a theme it’s another example of Monster Hunter art. This time the artist has lent his talent to designing a hypothetical set of armor for the character:

It’s what I would call the ‘complete package’. Egyptian themed armor, that not only looks incredible but is also accented by the sketches on the right that suggest the origin of the parts required to make it may be a scarab-inspired beast. It makes me wish this armor was actually included in the game.

I could spend a million years sketching and never rival the above. And believe me, I have tried. For instance here are two snaps of ‘character designs’ of my own. Specifically, different suits for cats:

Each of these are about ten years old. One was on our fridge for aeons, the other was a relatively recent addition after being found as a bookmark in an old book. In each case they represent the limit of my artistic ability when it comes to designing clothes for felines.

And – let’s face it – each of them is spectacularly awful.

So what of CG? Maybe my talent lies in computer assisted drawing? Maybe I can create something like this next (again, Monster Hunter themed) offering, which the artist admitted to knocking up “in a few hours” as a contest entry:

December 16 2001 was the day I began my career as a CG monster artist. It was also – not coincidentally – the day that career ended. Here are the only two works born in those fated few hours:

The top is (of course) Cthulhu. The one at bottom is… well it’s apparently Snakus Godus.

It is very difficult, as I sit here and pen this, to come up with a phrase to describe how truly sad and pathetically wretched each of these illustrations is. And yet there must have been a time when I thought otherwise. As evidence I produce the following image:

Yes good friends, that is a Snakus Godus t-shirt. In a rare moment of restraint I shall omit further details of this nigh-legendary item.

In my life I have failed utterly at drawing. I have failed at painting. I have failed at sketching. At character design. At CG art. At photoshopping. At sprite design. And at sculpting. I have nothing resembling an artistic bone in my body.

But I’m ok with that, because I like to think it gives me a greater appreciation of those that can draw. Such as my friend SFL, who created this:

A bear by a tree. Simple, artistic, beautiful. And something I myself could never create 🙂

Posted in Family, Miscellaneous, Otaku | 3 Comments »

Doctor Who: Evacuation Earth (Review)

Friday, February 11th, 2011

During my last visit to Australia, I picked up this game for the DS:

I’ve played it, and finished it, and now I’m going to review it.

First things first – this is a game for children. Any review written without this in mind should probably be ignored, because it is clear the developers had a particular target audience in mind and designed the game exclusively for them.

The game tells a story of the Doctor and Amy helping some Earth evacuees leaving our doomed planet. Along the way the Silurians Homo-Reptilicus become involved, as do some Daleks. The story isn’t particularly original, but benefits greatly from voice acting by Matt Smith and Karen Gillan. The Dalek voices are also well done, although the credit suggest they are not the work of Nick Briggs (who does all the voices on the TV show). Overall, I thought the writing was well done and the characterization of the Doctor and Amy in particular were better than I may have hoped.

The game itself is a puzzle/adventure game. You move through various locations helping people and finding objects to assist you in your quest. This is (mostly) done by solving puzzles. The game has about 10 different types of puzzle, including ‘spot the difference’, ‘jigsaw puzzles’, logic puzzles, mazes and a few sliding puzzles (which I have and always will hate!) as well.

Unless you are a baby, the puzzles are easy. I’ll go one step further, and say you’d have to be absolutely demented to not get a few of them correct in a single second. Even the ‘hard’ ones took me maybe 10 seconds tops. Kid’s stuff, in other words. Even so they are well done and quite creative, and I imagine children will find a lot of challenge and have a lot of fun solving them.

There are a great many as well. Although many are optional, I’d estimate in the vicinity of 100 puzzles requiring a solution to beat the game.

Doesn’t sound too bad so far does it? Especially if you count yourself amongst the sizeable demographic of pre-school Doctor Who fans. But some of you may have had looked at the screens and read the descriptions and had a twinge or two while reading this review. Let me refresh your memories:

The Professor Layton series is one of the most beloved on the DS. With three games to date and many millions of copies sold, it is the worldwide juggernaut of puzzle/adventure and one of the most successful franchises on any system these days.

Evacuation Earth is a shameless rip-off. Many aspects of the game are identical to the Layton games, and unfortunately in most cases they are not as well done. I didn’t realize this until half way through because – shockingly – I haven’t personally played the Layton games (KLS has them all). But when I started showing her DW:EE she was able to confirm how similar certain elements were.

So in short, EE is a shameless, not-as-good ripoff of a fantastic game. Furthermore it’s far too easy for adults, and therefore shouldn’t even be considered by the serious non-infantile Doctor Who fan. For me therefore, I perhaps could have spent my A$58 a bit more wisely 🙂

Final Score: “One for the collection”

Posted in Games, Miscellaneous, Otaku | Comments Closed

The King Of Kong

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

In 1982 our dad bought us a Colecovision TV game system. What immediately followed was joy and exultation. What followed over the next few years was an evolution of my gaming fandom into a more robust and complete part of my being.

We owned – and I enjoyed – many different games on the system. But one of them seemed to stand above all others, and it was this one I put a great deal of my time into during the year or so that followed.

I became so familiar with the game I could almost play it in my sleep. Only three screens… endless repetition… no purpose other than to get a high score.

And score I did! In fact I obtained a high score that made me proud enough to boast about it. A picture was taken of the screen, time passed, the developed picture was obtained from the store, it was placed in an envelope and sent overseas to a magazine in England.

All these years later I can’t say I remember even which magazine it was. But I think it may have been this one:

Not that exact issue of course, but one from 1983 or maybe 1984 (although I did own the above…). I was proud of my score, and the magazine I chose had a ‘high score’ section. I hoped my score was good enough to be included.

Eventually, many months later (due to the combination of the print delay and the sea-mail delay) I bought an issue and saw my name in it! I was absolutely stoked. My score had been good enough to make the magazine! All it said was my name and my score, in tiny print on one line. But it was enough for me 🙂

Although I never guessed at the time this ‘high score section’ was of course just for kids. There was no authority in the scores, and I assume is they printed any scores received just so the twelve year old that wrote to them would be as excited as I was. It is perhaps likely they didn’t even care about any real proof.

One regret of mine is that I never kept the magazine. I don’t even remember when I disposed of it, or how. It was probably destroyed decades ago, all evidence of my Kingship of Coleco Kong long lost to time.

But at least it lives on in my heart!

Posted in Games, Miscellaneous, Otaku, Tech, The Unknown | Comments Closed

Escalator Mystery

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

In the latest issue of Keroro Gunso, there is a scene in which one of the characters pauses before riding an escalator. He was waiting for the step with the footprints on it.

The escalator in the manga was not like the one above (in Singapore), but only had one pair of footprints on one of the steps. It was a typically strange scene in Sgt. Frog, but it triggered in me a memory!

From now on this post is dedicated to BW and AW and MMN and anyone else that grew up in Newcastle: Didn’t we have a wooden escalator in one store that had – on one step only – a pair of painted footprints?

I’m thinking it was probably in David Jones in Newcastle, but may possibly have been in the old Store building. The escalator was not one of the free-standing ones – it was against a back or side wall of the building with another wall built alongside (so it was a bit of a tunnel). As I said the stairs were wooden, and one of them had painted (yellow) footprints.

Is this memory real? I hope someone can verify that it is. But if so, then what was the purpose of the footprints? Why only on one step? Why only on one escalator?

Posted in Family, Otaku, The Unknown | 3 Comments »

Catching Rays On Giant

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

The new Alphaville album is out, and it’s called Catching Rays On Giant:

A promo video (in German).

It’s been seven years since Crazyshow – their last new material – and the current version of the band itself has changed as well. Of course Marian “I am Alphaville” Gold is still running the show (writing, singing and producing) so I’m pleased to say the sound that is Alphaville remains.

So what is that sound? Unfortunately there is no video of the first single, “I Die For You Today”, in album-version, but here’s a video of the radio remix.

The album version is better. I don’t think the beats work in that remix. It worked well enough apparently, since the song got to number 5 on the German charts!

Despite being 26 years older, Marian’s voice hasn’t changed much. His songwriting is as good as ever, and after only a few listens I found the album had grown on me in a big way. Of course Alphaville has always been on ‘heavy rotation’ in all my music players, so this isn’t surprising.

My favourites on the album so far include “The Things I Didn’t Do”, “Call Me Deep” and “Carry Me Down”. The latter is unusual in that it is the first Alphaville song in 26 years not sung by Marian Gold.

So all in all, I’m giving this one two thumbs up after a week of solid listening. Is it the best Alphaville album? No, but then I doubt they can ever beat the 4CD’s of Crazyshow. But it’s not the worst either, it’s just another in a relatively long line of very good albums from one of my all-time favourite bands.

Posted in Music, Otaku | 1 Comment »

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