Bond Film Reviews (part 1)

May 20th, 2020

Recently we watched the first twenty James Bond films. We watched them in order, almost one every day for a little over three weeks.

Of course we’ve seen them many, many times before (I even know some dialogue by heart) but it was fun watching them in the order they were released and seeing the connections between them.

While there’s no such thing as a bad James Bond film, some are better than others. Here’s part one of my twenty-word reviews of all twenty of them!

Dr. No (1962)
An iconic start with a good story and lovely scenic shots, but the villain is underutilized and the ending rushed.
Rating: 007 out of 10

From Russia With Love (1963)
Connery oozes confidence, the girl is charming, the gadgets are introduced and the story keeps your interest. Amongst the best.
Rating: 009 out of 10

Goldfinger (1964)
Good action scenes, elaborate sets and a memorable villain, but the girl is bland. Connery has become Bond by now.
Rating: 007 out of 10

Thunderball (1965)
Great underwater action and an iconic casino scene. Bond is fearless to the point of amused and Domino is cute.
Rating: 007 out of 10

You Only Live Twice (1967)
Casual racism notwithstanding; an enormously entertaining film. Highlights include wonderful period shots of 1960s-era Tokyo and an awesome villains lair.
Rating: 008 out of 10

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
Lazenby shines in a film that keeps plot in focus while still delivering action and humour. The best Bond film.
Rating: 0010 out of 10

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
‘Bond in America’ features a tired Connery in a strangely surreal story that hardly feels like Bond. Weakest so far.
Rating: 005 out of 10

Live And Let Die (1973)
A new Bond brings us a great villain, insane gadgets, more comedy, supernatural elements and the prettiest Bond girl yet!
Rating: 008 out of 10

The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Christopher Lee is fantastic but the film misses more than it hits and has some truly regrettable inclusions. Largely forgettable.
Rating: 006 out of 10

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
The precredit sequence is legendary and the theme song shines. Jaws, the underwater base and submarine car make this memorable.
Rating: 008 out of 10

A mostly good fifteen year run of films so far, but can the quality continue into the 1980s and 1990s? Stay tuned for part two…

Paper Boys

May 17th, 2020

In 1985 or 1986, Bernard and I got our first jobs. My memories are somewhat vague regarding certain details, but I seem to think it was Dads idea and he was instrumental in getting us a weekly paper run.

Every Wednesday we delivered a free newspaper called The Newcastle Star to a few hundred houses in a suburb called Redhead. Dad picked us up after school, we’d drive to a house in Gateshead to collect the papers, then drive to Redhead to deliver them. The three of us worked together and it usually took us several hours. I recall it was hard work, and not something any of us much enjoyed.

Redhead is an old sun-dried suburb known for its beach and looks very similar today to what I recall from then. We’d park our car with a bootfull of papers and each of us would pick a few blocks and walk around by ourselves delivering the papers.

The newspapers were big – both physically and by page count – and filling a shoulder bag with dozens of them made for quite a burden. They often came with a variety of additional advertising materials we had to combine with the papers ourselves, which increased the work time accordingly.

I believe we each settled on our parts of the suburb that we did every week, rather than switch it up. I myself walked the southeastern blocks closest to the beach, and my route included many of the lanes that run behind the houses. It was routine work: walk from house to house stuffing a rolled up paper into a mailbox or between fence slats or – if there was nowhere else to put it – putting a elastic band around it and tossing it into a yard.

I believe we ignored the – rare in those days – signs that said ‘no advertising materials’. Maybe due to some mechanism in place to verify the papers were actually delivered? At any rate the paper seemed quite popular in those days and even though I didn’t like delivering it I looked forward to reading it 🙂

It was tough work in summer, sweaty and tiring and I’m sure sunburn was common! But the truly wretched times were when it rained. We experimented with ponchos and other means to stay dry but nothing worked well and mostly we just got very wet while doing our best to keep the papers dry. Heavy rain often delayed our ability to deliver, but there was a deadline so sometimes we had to do it regardless.

Some other memories:
– There were several houses with evil, ravenous dogs! I hated these, and even sometimes ran past them in fear of my life 🙂
– We used to leave the car unlocked and the boot wide open so we could restock as necessary. In those days I suppose we didn’t consider thieves being a problem.
– I witnessed a dramatic car collision once at an intersection (near the church in the photo below) and was momentarily confounded as to what to do. But when the drivers got out and both seemed ok I walked on.
– A few times we were given actual product samples to deliver with the paper. These included washing machine detergent and some type of powdered drink. I think we just kept them ourselves – boxes of them! – rather than deal with the nightmare of carrying them 🙂
– One time the paper included a game piece for a McDonalds game that awarded actual prizes. Naturally we kept most of these ourselves and I recall eating free fries and hamburgers for some time…

If we didn’t enjoy it and it was difficult, physical work then why did we do it? The pay was good! Although dad drove us and did at least a third of the work he let Bernard and I split all the pay, and we got $30 or more each every week, which is close to $100 today. For a 13 or 14 year old this was amazing money in 1985 and I still remember using my first paycheque to buy two records (amongst other things) which were the first I ever bought ‘with my own money’.

My pay funded my video game, gamebook and music purchases for several years. It enabled weekly trips into Newcastle for movies/arcades/shopping and bought me more lollies and McDonald’s than I ever thought possible! I still own some of the things I bought with those wages to this day 🙂

In 1987 Bernard entered year 11 and chose to end the run. Dad and I continued alone for a while, but soon the Australian government started giving money to school kids (Austudy) and there was simply no need for us to work any more. I’m sure I sighed with relief after that final paper was delivered!

I would receive Austudy until just before leaving Australia and never worked again until I moved here. My first and last Australian career then: a paperboy. Hell in it’s day, but somewhat fondly remembered now.

Next time I visit I’ll go to Redhead and walk my route again for old times sake. I hope it triggers memories I haven’t even been able to remember for this post…

Meat Boats

May 9th, 2020

It’s time for some lockdown cooking! As with most of the world we’re eating every meal at home, and as a result my culinary skills have evolved to the next level. Today I’ll share a new recipe I’m calling meat boats!

Here’s what you need:

As you can see, we don’t skimp on quality in this house! As the name suggests this recipe requires a fifth ingredient as well, and you start by heating it in a pan:

I’m using 1/4 lb of 93% ground beef. That’s enough for one person, but the recipe is of course scalable if you want to host a dinner party. Cook the meat on high until it’s done, adding a trace (a few atoms is enough) of taco seasoning so as not to cloud the meaty taste.

While the beef is simmering heat the tortilla bowls in a microwave, then add a light dusting of cheese:

Carefully add the meat while it’s steaming hot to melt the cheese. Never forget taste is half visual, so make sure it looks good:

The last ingredient is the lettuce. Don’t overdo this; again you don’t want to overwhelm the beef experience:

And you’re done! Here’s the final restaurant-quality dish with a side of lime corn chips:

Looks delicious doesn’t it!?! But the truth is in the tasting and…

They got the thumbs up! They were beefy and dry, like little meat sandwiches. Easy to make; easier to eat.

Meat Boats: why not try them yourself?

Goodbye Dad

May 2nd, 2020

Alois Schmitz was born in March 1935 in the small town of Neiderdhünn, Germany. Despite his youth being spent during the war, his stories of growing up on a farm and playing in the forests and fields of the rural countryside were always happy ones. His family was large with many brothers and sisters who remain close to this day. There was a lot of love in the Schmitz household.

University taught dad he wanted to be a teacher, and his first job at age 23 was at a primary school in a district of Berlin. But this was short-lived, for within a year he took the bold move (in 1959) to fly from Germany to the other side of the world and become a missionary in Papua New Guinea.

He kept a diary throughout the several day trip from Germany to PNG. He wrote evocatively about the departure from his parents, the exotica of air travel and the oppressive heat he encountered when he reached the tropics. It’s an extraordinary glimpse into my father as a young man, and I can almost imagine writing the same words myself had I ventured into the unknown as he did over 60 years ago.

Foremost in his motivations even then was God. My father was a very religious man and he was sincere in his desire to spread Christianity via the missions. And at the same time it is clear he understood the challenges he faced, and humbly trusted that God was at his side.

His first stay in the tropics was five years, after which he returned to Germany for a year. This return trip took him around the world, with stops in Sydney, the USA and London. He wasn’t even thirty and he’d been to five continents in an era where few people ventured far from where they were born. The following year (1965) he returned to Papua New Guinea only this time he took the long way and traveled for months on cargo ships, visiting a sixth continent in the process. He would never reach Antarctica, but my father saw more of the globe by 30 than I likely will during my entire life.

His second tenure in PNG would be the most important for that was when he met mum. Within a few years they got married and my brother and I were born. The next time he returned to Germany (in 1972) it was with a wife and two children, and by that point he knew that his future with his family would be somewhere other than the jungles of New Guinea. The next year he moved to Australia for good.

Dad’s profession was as a primary school teacher. Although I may not have fully understood this as a child, that meant he had the same holidays as my brother and I and therefore was a big part of our lives. All through our younger and teenage years dad was always with us, always taking us places and involved with our hobbies and activities. I’ve got countless memories of him taking us on day trips to all sorts of weird and wonderful places, and occasionally longer vacations during school holidays to the mountains or a farm or ‘down to Sydney’. Our vacations may not have been fancy, but there were fun and that’s what matters.

Looking back through the lens of adulthood I think Dad was reminiscing about his childhood then the way I do now. His vacation spots were often pastoral or related to nature, and his keen interest in gardening and keeping animals (we had chickens, rabbits, mice, guinea pigs and always cats) suggest the days of his own youth. Maybe he remembered what had made him happy as a boy, and tried to impart that to Bernard and I? It worked, and I very fondly recall those days.

Dad was a selfless man. Even before I was born he had devoted 14 years of his life to mission work in Papua New Guinea (for which he was barely paid), and his volunteering continued throughout his life for as long as he was able. Most of this was church related, such as helping immigrant families, the elderly or the sick, but this was true at home too. We were not a wealthy family, but I don’t remember ever wanting for anything. What dad earned was spent on mum, Bernard and I. He was a man of simple pleasures, and I believe found joy in seeing his family happy.

He loved classical music. He loved reading. He loved beer and food. He loved gardening. He was a student of history and of religion, and a man of keen intellect. He loved walks – this is probably why I do – and often we would drive somewhere just for a hike. In his journal about his first voyage to PNG he wonders if he’ll ever get used to the heat but in time he would grow to love the hot Australian days and I remember long summers where he always seemed to be working in the garden but would drop everything to take Bernard and I for a swim somewhere. He loved games as well, particularly cards (at which he was nearly unbeatable) and boardgames. I credit my love of games to my dad, because we seemed to play games together endlessly when I was growing up.

As I grew older and more independent I used to turn to dad for advice: what should I do with myself? He always said to do what I knew was right. I was offered a lucrative scholarship after high school, and dad was the one that helped me decide it wasn’t what I truly wanted. I remember a couple of years later when I told him I was moving to America his first reaction was happiness because he knew it was what I truly wanted. Perhaps he saw a piece of himself in me then, after all he had done something very similar when he was about my age. Twenty-five years later he confided that he was nervous of my choice for one reason: he didn’t have the money to pay for my ticket if I wanted to return. Even then, with his son an adult about to ‘leave the nest’ he was still thinking of me above himself.

With his kids away to live their own lives dad and mum embraced a new phase in their lives. It was years before I was able to return to Australia but when I did I was delighted to find my parents living a carefree and happy life in retirement. They were, as we say, growing old gracefully and they were a perfect match with a very rich history behind them and two successful sons who remained close though so very far away.

Technology shortened the distance, and eventually money did as well and I was able to start visiting annually. Although I saw dad for only about two weeks every year, each time we reunited it was like we had barely been apart. As an older man dad was quiet and content. His hearing had faded and his memory sometimes too, but he always loved me being there and we had endless conversations about science and history and technology or my interests, since he was always curious about my various hobbies. As I spent time with him as an adult I increasingly saw myself in him. His even temper, his intellect, his sense of humour and his curiosity: these I inherited. As I grow older I become more like him, and I find this reassuring.

In 2015 we sent dad to Germany for an extended holiday, part of which we shared with him. This will remain one of the most treasured memories of my life, especially the time spent with relatives in Wipperfeld and for the first time meeting dad’s brothers and sisters. I’ll never forget dad standing outside the old farmhouse he was born in and pointing out toward the forest and fields describing in surprising detail his wonderful memories from 70 years earlier. Dad always had a twinkle in his eye, but at that moment he had stars.

We didn’t know at the time but during that German trip dad was sick with cancer, and within a year we received the news no family wants to hear. While his first treament was a success and gained him a few more years, ultimately the cancer returned stronger than before. Dad took the diagnosis in stride and was strong until the very end, selfless and uncomplaining. He was staying alive for us, but despite a truly herculean effort the cancer was an opponent that he couldn’t defeat forever.

Dad lost his battle on Friday. He was 85 years old.

Dad, I want you to know this entry is only a fragment of my memories of you, and they are all wonderful and they are all treasured. I have always admired and respected you, and look to you as a role model and the man I am most proud of.  I can only hope I leave the same impression on others that you have on me.

I have loved and will love you forever dad. You may be gone, but you’ll always be with me.

Wildlife XVI: The Dead Of Night

April 25th, 2020

Maybe you’ve heard the stories of nature encroaching as man stays home? I was wondering if that was happening even in our own backyard, and dragged out the (old, borderline obsolete) wildlife camera for another bout of surveilling. Here’s what I found…

The usual suspects were of course represented. As you know by know squirrels are so abundant I sometimes wonder if they own this house and we just rent. The deer (with baby) photo I had to adjust since it was near pitch black. The nights have been dark recently and the animals have skulked with abandon.

KLS and I were just debating the difference between doves and pigeons but we’re 99% sure this dude is a dove since we’ve recently had one lurking. When they sing – or rather make their dove noises – it really carries and it can be difficult to tell where they are. Yesterday there was one on our roof (I think?) and his cooing filled the house.

We’ve had rabbits living in our backyard for years and they’re a common sight during the day nibbling at the edge of our lawn. Sometimes they’ll come up onto the patio in the middle of the day and make good viewing for the kitties. Apparently they hop around at night as well.

So with the expected visitors out of the way, time for some not-so-common ones:

A racoon! There were several shots of this guy over a few nights. Aside from some rock-hard break (see below) we hadn’t put food out so he was probably just exploring. In a few photos it looked like he was even grooming. I guess he’s comfortable on our patio.

There were only a couple of shots of this possum, and they were separated by over a week. He’s decently sized (about as big as a small cat). I wonder where he lives?

This one is a mystery. See that black thing at the edge of the yard? We’re not sure what it is! The likely culprit is a fat dog with a tiny tail looking away from us, but in all the aeons we have lived here we have never seen a dog running wild (which is not allowed in NY State). Therefore I’m inclined to think it’s either a giant unidentified black cat like the Beast of Exmoor. What do you think?

This last pic is even more mysterious! See that half-blurred thing flying by? Is it a bumblebee? A wasp? A hummingbird? A goldfinch? The camera doesn’t have a super-fast shutter speed so whatever it was is flying somewhat slowly, but the size seems to preclude an insect since it isn’t that close to the lens. A genuine mystery. What do you think?

Incidentally you can see one of our doorstop-breadrolls in the above pic, just at the edge of the patio on the right. I was hoping for some evidence of who took them but there was none. Between two empty daytime photos separated by 23 minutes the roll had just disappeared. The rolls were (we think) too big and heavy for a squirrel, so whatever took them was too fast for the camera! Another mystery unsolved…