Robot Claw

Recently, as you may know, B and L went to New Zealand. Now they’ve both been a bit mysterious about this trip. Where exactly did they go? What did they see? What did they do?

I haven’t even gotten any postcards!

So I have taken it upon myself here to imagine how the seven-day trip may have played out. I’m pretty good at vacation planning, so I reckon this hypothetical NZ adventure is pretty much exactly what they did. So join me dear readers, as we experience New Zealand through the eyes of B and L….

Day 1: Auckland

They landed in Auckland, and spent mere seconds in the hotel before heading out into the city looking for postcards, souvenirs, postage stamps and the nearest McDonalds to try out the local menu item called the Kiwiburger (which doesn’t contain kiwi flesh). As time permitted during all this scurrying, they also did some touristy things in and around the city (such as bungee jumping from that tower).

Day 2: Te Puke

Got up at the crack of dawn and took a train to Te Puke (about 5 hours), arriving before midday. Spent the afternoon at the Kiwifruit theme park Kiwi 360, being sure to ride the kiwifruit-shaped road train, seeing the kiwi birds and eating lots of kiwifruit. After sunset bribed a local fisherman to ferry them out to Motiti Island to see tuatara by torchlight in the wild. Returned to the mainland and took a late taxi to a hotel in Rotorua (about 1 hour).

Day 3: Rotorua

Visited Tamaki Maori Village and were screamed at by professional actors Maori natives. Ate some kiwifruit. Went to the Polynesian Spa for a mineral soak in the afternoon and spend the evening sketching kiwis on dozens of postcards. Relaxed a bit this day, since things would pick up tomorrow.

Day 4: Waitomo

Took a train to Waitomo (about 3 hours) to visit the famous glowworm caves. Found the little buggers dazzling, and make special note to spare no effort in finding and sending brother the full set of glow-in-the-dark glowworm stamps that had been recently issued. After lunch wandered aimlessly through the forest looking for kakapo, and during the late afternoon siesta sketched worms on postcards and grazed on kiwifruit in the hotel. After dinner (kiwifruit pasta) spent time in souvenir shops supporting the local greenstone-carving industry. Had an early night, since things would pick up tomorrow.

Day 5: Tasman Glacier

Woke at 1 am and boarded a chartered helicopter to fly them to Tasman Glacier park on the south island. It cost a small fortune and was terrifying, but was well worth it since the boat trip through the glacial lake in arctic temperatures – or rather the brush with hypothermia due to insufficient warm-weather clothing – made them feel more alive than they had in years. Sadly the kiwifruit supply B was by now carrying in his backpack froze, but as he leisurely sketched frozen vistas on postcards while on the overnight train to Te Anau (about 12 hours) he knew it had all been worthwhile.

Day 6: Te Anau

Visited the other famous glow worm cave, all the way down the southern tip of the south island. They were as dazzled by these little buggers as they had been up north, although perhaps the crisp weather made this experience a little more memorable. Triumphantly found a glow-in-the-dark glowworm postcard in the souvenir store, and later on that day as he sketched glow-worms and wrote my address on the back in glow-in-the-dark ink after applying the full set of glow-in-the-dark stamps he knew that the pinnacle of their trip had been reached. Dinner was steak with kiwifruit jelly washed down with a light kiwifruit juice cocktail. Had an early night since tomorrow would be taxing.

Day 7: Middle Earth

Took a 3 am flight to Auckland (2 hours) and immediately hopped into a rental car and drove 4 hours to Mt Ngauruhoe – aka Mt Doom – since who would go to New Zealand and not visit Mordor? Both of them took turns videoing each other scrambling up the loose shale hills and almost fatally falling before sprinting back to the car and speeding off to Matamata, or as everyone knows it: Hobbiton (about 2.5 hours). Here they rented costumes and spent the afternoon running around as a lady Hobbit and as Gandalf the wizard (watch for a video on youtube soon) before once again driving back to Auckland for some last minute greenstone-carving shopping and then the final mad dash to the airport to catch the flight home.

As I said I haven’t received any souvenirs and/or postcards yet. But I know they’re coming, and they’ll be great. When I get the glow-in-the-dark one covered in glowworms, you can expect to see it right here on the blog 😉