“Let’s get fish and chips!”

We’d be driving home from shopping or a movie or Nan’s house, mum and dad in the front, Bernard and I in the back. The two of us would conspire quietly and then bellow: “Let’s get fish and chips!“. Very rarely would such a request be denied, for in those days this was a meal beloved by the entire family, and indeed by a nation.

Fish & Chip shops in those days seemed to be everywhere, and though they were never franchises, they had a familiar similarity to them: posters and advertising everywhere outside, a few tatty chairs and tables scattered around, neon lights and the smell of grease. You knew what you were going to get even before stepping inside, and it was always great.

In those days menus were simple: you’d choose fish fillet or cocktail, as well as an amount of chips by the $1. Maybe a potato scallop or six as well. Our family order was usually something like “Two fillets, six cocktails, six scallops and $3 of chips.” Your order would be taken and a time would be barked: “Five minutes” and then you’d wait. Of course some shops also sold burgers and even sandwiches, but very rarely did we order any of those.

The interiors of these food palaces were even more enticing than the outsides. Against a dirty wall there’d be two or three coolers filled with soft drinks (and other stuff of no interest to kids) and next to them would be chest freezer full of ice creams. A glass counter would display boxes and tubs full of lollies and there’d be shelves full of potato chips and other snacks. The walls held flyers advertising the latest ice blocks, a sexy chiko roll poster, a few scribbled notes listing new menu items, a Coca Cola clock and the occasional postcard. Grime covered every surface, and the stink of grease and smoke was everywhere. The floors were usually treacherous as well: broken and dirty tiles covered with dirt or sand since half the customers seemed to be barefooted. As a child I’d just soak all this in, gazing at the lollies, and wondering how much time was left before our food was ready.

And then after what seemed like forever you’d be handed a big, heavy, hot parcel wrapped in newspaper. It was an act of superhuman self-control to not open it in the back seat of the car on the way home (sneaking a fry or two didn’t count), and then you’d arrive and open the bundle and reveal this:

Our family would descend on the bounty like a pack of rabid wolves, and very rarely was there anything left on the paper when our plates were filled. In particular Bernard and I competed to see who could eat the most chips, and many terrible battles were fought in an effort to claim more than the other. I think mum and dad were content to let us devour uncontrollably: we were growing boys after all.

‘Fish and chips’ was a kings meal, and always a favourite of mine. This love was born after traditions such as described above, and as I aged I grew to love the meal even more. Fish & Chip shops were always an oasis for me, and even as an independent teenager I often gravitated towards them.

Of course in the 1980s they gained further appeal since they were very often the home of video games and pinballs! I remember frequenting the one in Valentine when I’d go visit Sue, and playing the pinball machines while we waited. I remember playing Rygar at a particular shop on Hunter Street, and Street Fighter 2 at one in Sydney with Kristin when she first visited. The first video game I ever saw was at a Fish & Chip shop!

When I left Australia I left many things behind, and some I didn’t think twice about. Little did I know how much I’d miss the taste of classic fish and chips, and be hard pressed to find a replacement.

I’ve had it in the USA – many times – but at best it’s a pale reflection. I’ve had fish and chips in England, Ireland and Scotland. They were good, but not anywhere near as good as a classic Aussie version. I’ve always looked forward to the familiar taste of fish and chips every time I visit Oz, and try to enjoy it at least once every trip. I still have fond memories of fish and chips eaten at shops that no longer exist, such as Sea King in Manly, or Salt & Lemon in Randwick, or Steel Street in Markettown.

I read last year that the humble Australia Fish & Chip shop is declining (too!) quickly. A mixture of the pandemic, delivery services, and the rising cost of seafood have dealt them a blow from which they may not survive. The one I used to eat at every Oz visit is now gone with none replacing it, and the same is happening all over Australia.

As with many things from our youth, it seems these wonderful stores are fast becoming memories. I wonder what has replaced them in the lives of the next generation?

Ramen 24: It’s Ramen Men, Hallelujah!

We’re entering the fourth year of chicken ramen reviews, and I think it’s been about 60 unique products now. And yet I keep finding more. With no further ado then…

Kung Fu Artificial Chicken (350 Calories, 16 g fat, 1510 mg sodium)

I believe his is the first actual racist product I’ve reviewed, what with not only the ‘king fu’ name but also the claim it’s an ‘oriental’ product. But I believe this isn’t made for a western market, so it may be entirely innocent.

The ramen itself was abhorrent. The noodles were slimy and gelatinous, and while the taste was probably going for ‘roasted chicken’ it instead tasted sickly sweet and absolutely not what you want in a ramen. This was a terrible noodle product, and an easy -1/10.

Paldo Bowl Noodle Artificial Chicken (370 Calories, 13 g fat, 1547 mg sodium)

This may be the first Korean example seen on these pages. While they are big ramen-eaters, every other Korean chicken ramen I’ve seen is spicy, and I’m only reviewing the plain ones. This looked good until I opened the spice packet, which instantly made me suspect they had simply omitted the word ‘spicy’ on the packaging.

And yes, that was indeed the case! This was – for me – far too spicy and I found even a tiny sip unbearable. It also tasted nothing like chicken and more like (hot!) nacho cheese Doritos! KLS liked it, and said she’d have eaten it all were she hungry. I’ll say it’s probably a good spicy chicken ramen product, but I won’t score it since it’s not plain chicken 🙂

Ramen Express Chicken Ramen (190 Calories, 7 g fat, 670 mg sodium)

I tested the cup version of this back in the fourth installment and gave it a very low grade due to an extreme lack of taste. Surprise, surprise: this brick version is identical! While it has a generous flavour packet, once prepared there’s almost no flavour at all, and it’s just like eating boiled noodles. I’m puzzled as to why this product is sold this way, or who would choose it over virtually any other chicken ramen. Suffice to say it’s dreadful, and like it’s cup brother only worth 2/10.

I’ve learned to never say never again with regards to this series, but it’s been several months since the last installment. How many months until the next?

Sweat & Tears

It’s been three months since the last post about salt and vinegar chips, and we’ve managed to scrounge up several more examples for review. Some of these deviate a bit from the definition of ‘chip’, but we made an exception since they’re in the same snack category 🙂

As a reminder the review systems is based on gatcha game rarity: Z is execrable, C is mundane, R acceptable, SR exceptional and SSR once-in-lifetime good! Although you won’t see some of these ratings today…

The optimistically-named Good Crisp chips are from Australia (and made in Malaysia to be sold in the USA) and are without a doubt the worst salt and vinegar ‘chip’ so far. They have a texture like cork or wood pulp, virtually no taste at all, and leave a chalky residue in the mouth after eating. They’re unforgivably bad and even the lowest possible grade of Z feels generous.

Like the previous, the Pop Chips are also ‘potato based snacks’ as opposed to traditional chips, but to eat then you’d hardly be able to tell. They taste like burned popcorn to me, and are weirdly rubbery when eaten. My notes when I ate them said ‘hateful and borderline inedible‘ and even KLS hated them, although it’s worth mentioning she thought they may have been miscooked! A shameful Z.

The Himalayan Chips are the store brand of grocery store Wegmans and we were expecting more than we got. They had a good sweet flavor, but the chips themselves tasted a bit stale and greasy and the aftertaste was unpleasant. I’ve had good Wegmans chips in the past, but these were disappointing. Only a C.

Pringles are the ubiquitous ‘shaped chip’ product, and I was expecting this to be great since I recall buying them in the past. But they had a dusty texture and the salt and vinegar tasted of chemicals and after only a few I didn’t want to eat any more. At best an acceptable substitute if you had a craving, but on the low end of a C.

Stax is the Lays version of Pringles, and as you may imagine from a market leader they’re fairly good especially where taste is concerned. The vinegar isn’t too strong and delightfully sweet and they’re easy to eat quickly. But they’re still ‘fake’ chips, and not even as good as an average normal chip, and far below a decent kettle chip. Once again debatably acceptable, but not better than a C.

The Sweet Potato Poppers were purchased for an exorbitant cost as a ‘health store’ and I was leery since they’re sweet potato! To my surprise they’re quite good, and to my taste buds indistinguishable from ‘real’ potatoes. Of course they’re not chips at all, and instead are an unusual type of weird spherical snack made of fried potato, but they were tasty and moorish and better than most. A solid R.

The Poppables are similar to the above and although a newish product, are likely what the above are based on. And to put it simply, they’re fantastic. They have the usual delightful Lays taste, are dangerously easy to consume in large quantities, and are probably the best example of a chip variant in this flavour. But they’re still not a ‘real’ chip, so I’ll only give them an R.

The Better Made chips were bought in an airport on the way to Japan, and at the time I was starving since I hadn’t eaten for many hours. As a result I probably remember them as better than they were, but as I sat in a plane eating them I wrote in my notes that they were ‘a very acceptable non-kettle‘ with a ‘wake me up taste‘ and a ‘hint of yesterday‘. I’m not sure entirely what that means, but I’ll assume I was in my right mind when I gave them an R!

With 8 more examples we’ve now tasted 35 different types of salt and vinegar chips (although I wish I had a time machine and could dedicate this series to Star Wars only examples). While these past few months didn’t provide us with anything truly great, we’re not giving up yet. But there’s nothing new remaining in nearby shops and maybe I need to venture farther afield if I want to ever make another entry in this series…