Category: Food

Ramen 4: Chicken Boogaloo!

  • March 4, 2021

You know the drill by now: more chicken ramen. Let’s go!

Maruchan Roast Chicken (290 Calories, 12 g fat, 1270 mg sodium)

This is a slight deviation from my rules, since we could debate whether ‘roast chicken’ is ‘chicken’, but I’m allowing it nonetheless. This product is extremely similar to the plain ‘chicken’ flavor of Maruchan cup noodle (reviewed in my second installment), which is to say it’s acceptably fine.

The only difference I could note was the inclusion of weird rubbery pieces of what I assume was reconstituted chicken loaf, which in my opinion added nothing and were actually somewhat unpleasant. Aside from this, nothing particularly outstanding here. I’d give it 6/10.

Mike’s Mighty Good Craft Ramen (210 Calories, 6 g fat, 780 mg sodium)

This is another hipster product from Whole Foods, only this time its not vegan. Even before opening it had similarities to the awfulness of McDougalls and as soon as I did open the top and saw the weird bundle of not-ramen and identical flavor packets I knew it was the same product in different packaging.

Or was it??? I followed the instructions exactly as I had done before but the noodles actually cooked correctly this time! So I added the flavor, stirred it up and shoved a loaded forkful into my mouth to find it was absolutely disgusting! The noodle consistency was of uncooked bread dough and the taste was like rotten flesh.

I hastily spat it out, cursing like a sailor, and vowed that if I ever ran into ‘Mike’ he would wish he was Dr McDougall after the punishment I would deliver to him. It’s hard to believe a chicken ramen could be worse than this: -100/10

Chef Woo’s Chicken Ramen Express (280 Calories, 12 g fat, 1160 mg sodium)

This just turned up in our local stores and I bought it eagerly since of course I had to review it. It seems to be a premium product due to its fabulously expensive (compared to most of the others I have reviewed) price of $2.28 a cup! So what’s it like?

In a word: it’s nothing. The noodles are fine, they cook perfectly well if you follow the instructions and the included veggies hydrate acceptably. But there is no taste at all! It’s like eating noodles and (a few) veggies in hot water. It (probably) gives sustenance, but no satisfaction.

I was actually wondering if there had been a manufacturing error, but KLS was eating a spicy version by the same manufacturer and said it was equally flavorless. It’s a nothing ramen therefore, with no reason to eat it. Only because it actually cooks as it should will I give it 2/10.

Believe it or not this won’t be the final error! I’ve still got at least a few more in the cupboards waiting to be tried and as always you’ll read about my thoughts when I get around to it 🙂

  • Posted in Blog
  • Robert

Chicken a la Zoffé

  • February 16, 2021

Time for some more ‘lockdown cooking’! Today’s it’s an original recipe of my own creation. It’s a little complicated, but if you follow the instructions closely you can eat some too…

Start by throwing some chopped onions in a pan. Cook them on medium heat for a while.

When they’re somewhat cooked, add cubed chicken. The amount is up to you but for one portion I use two tenders. Salt liberally with kosher salt.

Walk away and forget you’re cooking until the onions start to burn, then add pineapple chunks. Cook for only about a minute longer just to brown the pineapple.

At this point the basmati rice you’ve been cooking in the background is ready, so it’s time to plate up and serve!

It’s a dish with a good mouth feel and a delightful mix of salty and sweet tastes. It also looks – as you can see – attractive on the table.

To increase the enjoyment, I recommend serving with Mt Dew.

As a bonus shot, here’s KLS’s paneer tikamasala she cooked alongside my Chicken Zoffè:

Which would you prefer?

Ronald

  • February 13, 2021

If you don’t think too much about it, Ronald McDonald may seem like little more than the happy-faced mascot of the worlds most delicious restaurant. He’s been bettering our lives since 1963, and after so long we’ve probably started taking him for granted.

But could there be more to his story? In those sixty-odd years this benevolent ‘clown’ has often demonstrated powers beyond the normal, and his fame has grown to truly extraordinary levels. He has transcended burgers and fries, and become a near-integral part of the tapestry of our daily lives.

He goes by multiple names (the Japanese call him Donald), and at times switches his gender. He can speak every language on earth and can play every instrument. He used to live in a fantasy world with sentient food, owns a spaceship and has a variety of magical powers that include the ability to produce delicious hamburgers from his trousers.

I know what you’re saying: ‘But he’s not real!’

This is of course the assumption we all make, because how could he be? And yet those who perhaps know him best – the McDonald’s corporation – have never said this. Quite the contrary in fact: in both 1995 and 2011 the company wouldn’t answer questions about how many Ronald ‘actors’ there were (“There’s only one Ronald McDonald.”) and in 2016 when he was ‘retired’ (due to the ‘creepy clown phenomenon’) they simply said he was now focusing on other things. He’s still ‘out there’ was the implication.

He’s become much bigger than his McDonald’s origins. Completely aside from the comics and books and toys and games and tv shows and even movies, he’s one of the most famous ‘people’ we all know, and his smiling appearance always bring with it happiness, hope, and a good meal. He’s become an idol around the world, and it was famously reported in 1995 that he was more recognizable in a worldwide poll than Jesus.

More recognizable than Jesus.

For various reasons we don’t see much of him these days but his memory lives on. I suspect he does as well, and is simply biding his time awaiting a triumphant return. Maybe next time his form will be different and perhaps at first we won’t recognize him. But his powers are vast and his message – eat my burgers – too seductive to ignore. I suspect in time we will once again accept – and indeed love – him as we once did.

The stakes are too high not to. A world without Ronald is a world without McDonalds. And is that any sort of world at all?