Archive for the ‘The Unknown’ Category

The Ballad Of Dust

Monday, April 29th, 2019

At first I didn’t notice,
Or pretended to ignore.
Yet the more I used the camera,
The more I saw.

A blemish on the image,
A ghostly disc appeared.
What should never happen.
What we all feared.

Something on the lens
Left a shadow signature.
I cleaned and wiped and wiped and cleaned
But still it was in the picture!

The Internet to the rescue:
Force will remove it!
I shook the phone like a maniac
But all I did was
move it!

I gave not up and set to work
Shaking like a fiend.
I shook so much I near passed out
My hand incarnadined.

And then when I came to
An image I did capture…

The photo was clear!
The dust was gone!

And in this home…
Was rapture.

Review: Aquaman

Monday, December 31st, 2018

I went and saw Aquaman yesterday, at an impressively early 9:30 am screening. I momentarily baulked at the ticket price…

But then remembered that the film was going to be awesome and couldn’t throw my cash at the attendant fast enough!

The cinema was crazy big. I dutifully sat in my assigned seat (N-16) and when the projector started I was the only person in there! But then I noticed the first half hour or so were just adverts (including many social engineering PSA’s: exercise more, don’t stay in the sun, start a savings account, etc.) and sure enough the locals knowledgeable about such things shuffled in just before the main show.

Aquaman is about a fish-powered dude that fights a lot and seems to wish he was actually a professional wrestler. I’m not going to spoil the overall plot here but I’ll say it starts off strong and within minutes I was intrigued:

Aquaman’s powers are a cross between Superman and Yoda and are frankly absurd (why is he bulletproof?!?) but you won’t question them because after the crazy start the film quickly evolves into madness and then ascends into bonkers territory.

This was my face during the political scene between the aryan riding the zeuglodon and the Viking riding the dragon:

And then when they introduced a pretty redhead fish girl and the film briefly stopped being about fish and became Indiana Jones meets Jurassic Park I was slackjawed.

This was my face when the murlocs (from World of Warcraft) turned up:

But it wasn’t even close to done! When a futuristic city sequence that makes Blade Runner look like the scribblings of a child was followed by a space battle that featured not one, not 1000, not 1000000, but every fish I was just roaring at the screen with joy:

There’s much to love about the film. Its visuals and design are astonishing, its script unfettered by tradition, its actors unconstrained by expectation and it’s easily got the best depiction of cetacean armies fighting a billion crabs that have ever been printed to celluloid.

It makes you feel every emotion, from love to hate to glee and yes, to terror. It’s unfettered fun, and easily gets my highest recommendation. Best fish war film ever by a mile.

Immediately afterwards I languidly strolled over to the Game Center and found a coin-pusher machine:

I was so full of DC comics appreciation I had to win a card, and quickly targeted this Batman that was right at the edge:

As you can see it was about to drop! So close in fact that a shift of only one atom would have caused it to fall…

…it only cost me $25 to ‘win’ it 🙂

The Tsuchinoko

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017

It’s time for another cryptid post, or in today’s case a ‘UMA’, since that’s what cryptids are called in Japan (it stands for Unidentifed Mystery Animal).

Ladies and gentleman, the Tsuchinoko!

First reported in the 7th century, the tsuchinoko is a snake-like creature about 60 cm in length. Rarely sighted, this creature is said to be native to mainland Japan (Honshu) and is either just an animal or a supernatural creature depending on who you ask.

Tsuchinoko are said to be able to jump, can apparently move very quickly and may even have a poisonous bite. The more unusual attributes of the creature include rolling along with its tail in its mouth, teleportation (in a literal flash of light) and even intelligence! Some say the creature can speak and is very deceptive, often telling lies to obtain its favourite drink: alcohol.

There seems to have been a surge in interest and sightings of these beasts in the last decade or so, elevating it from myth into a full-blown cryptid. Some notable sightings in western Japan lead to well-publicized (but fruitless) searches and in one case even a skeleton (that was a simple snake). In 2008 one district in Japan – possibly as a tourism stunt – offered a $1 million reward for anyone who found one!

As with the flatwoods monster (which I blogged about a few years back), tsuchinoko are quite popular in video games, either appearing by name or as an influence in games including Castlevania, Metal Gear Solid, Pokémon and numerous RPGs. 

So what is this thing? Do they really exist? What could have inspired it?

Take a look at this photo of a skink, which I present in its original form and with the legs edited out:

Looks a bit like our tsuchinoko doesn’t it? It seems likely therefore that the origin of the beast first drawn and described in the Kojiki in the 7th century was just… a skink!

That said, this hardly explains what an old woman in Okayama saw in 2000. The tsuchinoko, she said, had a human-like face and paralyzed her with its sight!

Maybe there’s two creatures here: the skink relative and an evil demon snake. What do you think?

Like A Champ

Tuesday, February 28th, 2017

Last Saturday we took a drive up north. It was unseasonably warm in Albany, and my birthday is approaching so I wanted to do something fun. Besides, for aeons I have lived here and ignored something significant that has been calling me. From up north.

The drive took us through the Adirondacks and up into higher elevations where the snow was still everywhere, and where Albany with its 70F temperatures seemed a world away. I had dressed for warmth, and keenly felt the freeze. We pressed on.

About two hours after leaving home we were close to our destination, but the final leg took us along what must have been an old logging or mining road. Eleven-plus miles through an ancient pine forest on a very poor road full of blind turns, icy surfaces and near-zero visibility fog. It was hair-raising in the daylight and would have been a nightmare at night. Would the trip be worth it after completing this trial? We would soon find out…

That’s Lake Champlain, taken from a (literally) frozen beach in the town of Port Henry. The lake was massive and quiet and still. The air was cold and the water colder. It was too early in the season for boats, and too early in the day for fishermen. Aside from a few gulls, there wasn’t much life around.

We came here to see a monster.

Lake Champlain is world-famous for its resident: Champ, the lake monster. Second only to Nessie (of Loch Ness) with regards to fame, the first verifiable sighting of Champ was almost exactly 200 years ago (1819) though legends of a monster in this lake date back further still. Over the years there have been hundreds of sightings and even a few photographs, most notable the ‘Sansi’ photograph of 1977 (or was it 1981?). He’s America’s own monster, famous throughout the world.

I’ve known about Champ forever. I should be ashamed it had taken me so many years to come up and see him.

The town of Port Henry, on the southwest shore of the lake, adopted Champ as it’s official mascot in 1981. For a time America went Champ-mad, and there were more than one conferences debating his origin (and existence). Champ souvenirs were a-plenty, and both Vermont and New York (the lake is the border) signed bills protecting Champ as an endangered species. Even today – as you can see above – there is evidence of Champ in tiny Port Henry, including on the Chamber of Commerce sign.

That’s an impressively large sign posted just on the side of the main road into Port Henry. It lists every Champ sighting up until 1990, when apparently they stopped updating it. We drove past this sign on our way to cross the Lake Champlain bridge into Vermont, continuing our hunt for Champ souvenirs.

We found a cute gift shop in Vermont (called ‘Champs’) but it was closed so we headed back. Had we the motivation we could have continued all the way to Burlington where they built a Champ statue some years back and (apparently) there’s a few other monuments to him. Even though they can see New York across the lake, to them I’m sure Champ lives in Vermont.

It was easy, as I stood on the lake shore and looked out, to imagine something deep under that still, cold surface. Lake Champlaign is a massive lake – over 250 km in length and 250 meters deep at it’s deepest. It is (much!) longer, wider and deeper than Loch Ness, and if Nessie can survive there?

As I turned to leave, with Kristin watching me from afar, I heard a splash and a roar some distance away very close to the shore. I quickly turned, and had time enough to snap only a single photo before whatever it was disappeared below the surface. I still can hardly believe what I saw, but as they say, the camera doesn’t lie:

It’s Time To Address The Paranormal

Thursday, February 23rd, 2017

I’ve had a lot of discussions recently with my students and coworkers on the topic of the paranormal, and I’m intrigued by how many of them believe in the existence of such matters. While most people are skeptical, others have simultaneously expressed belief in very specific things (mermaids, psychics) and a small few don’t deny anything. One student yesterday told me “I believe in everything!”

For the most part I simply ask and am happy to hear their responses without commenting. I think they know I don’t believe in any most of it, since often they pose questions asking me why ‘things’ can’t exist (as opposed to whether I believe them or not). But enough people have asked me about these topics I thought it was time to address it all here.

So here we go, in no particular order…

Ghosts aren’t real, period. There is absolutely no evidence for them, there never has been, and there never will be. There is no theoretical basis for their existence, and they occupy no part of the world that we don’t understand. Ghosts are – have always been – a figment created by human fear of death and the afterlife. Wouldn’t it be nice if our dearly departed weren’t gone after all? Of all the topics in this blog, ghosts are the most widely believed with about a third of westerners thinking they are real (and about a fifth of believers claiming to have seen one).

So if ghosts aren’t real but millions of people believe they have seen (or felt) one – including an intelligent, well-educated coworker of mine – what is the explanation? There are a few, but my favourite is the tendency for the brain to find patterns where none exist. Very few people have ever reported seeing ghosts clearly in broad daylight when they were wide awake and calm. They are more likely seen at night or in very poor light, when the viewer is alone and in a state of heightened tension. Suggestible if you will, like the haunted card deck.

Cryptids (excluding bigfoot) might be real. A cryptid is an unknown animal (although some expand the definition to include sentient creatures) and while the most famous examples include lake monsters, bigfoot (see next), chupacabra and ‘Beasts of Exmoor’ there are also much more fantastic (not to mention unlikely) examples such as Ningen, Bunyips and the Congo river dinosaur Mokele-mbembe (allegedly filmed by a Japanese expedition in 1988).

Though it pains me to say it, most of these don’t exist. I say this because as a youth I was slightly obsessed with cryptids, and to this day have several volumes on the topic on a shelf in this very room. My particular forte was ‘sea monsters’ but despite sightings going back centuries none have ever been found, nor has any real evidence been located. Likewise for the other famous cryptids, most of which have been ‘seen’ far less than lake monsters.

And yet this is not a topic that can be easily dismissed. For years gigantic squids were the stuff of legend, but we now know they absolutely exist. These are the largest examples of ‘unknown’ creatures being recently discovered, but every year we find more and more hiding in dark corners of the world. Might there be a colony of large cats living in the wilds of England? Possibly.

The weird ones though, such as werewolves, unicorns, dragons and ‘cloud creatures’ that live permanently in the upper atmosphere are exactly as they seem: creatures of myth and legend. The most open-minded (some may say optimistic) cryptozoologists may entertain the possibilities of some of these being real (or at least based on real animals) but I remain firmly skeptical.

Bigfoot (also known as Sasquatch, Yowie, Yeti, Yeren etc.) isn’t real. Centuries of searching for these man-apes has produced no actual evidence short of dubious footprint casts and hair swatches that when tested have always been identified as known animals (such as elk or bears).

Most belief in bigfoot stems from the famous 1967 ‘Patterson-Gimlim’ film that has now been exposed as a hoax. In the years since there have been a few other notable claims of bigfoot’s authenticity, but none held up under scrutiny and all have since been confirmed as hoaxes. In fact almost ever single ‘sighting’ is quickly determined to be fake, and the very few that may have involved someone seeing an unidentified creature are almost always bears or other large woodland creatures.

And yet the myth continues. ‘Bigfoot hunters’ exist, sightings continue and (some) people believe. There is an overwhelming amount of scientific evidence and theory contradicting the existence of this guy, but as long as money can be made on hoaxes or TV shows about searching the legend will continue.

After all, aren’t we now living in a ‘post truth’ world?

UFOs and Aliens are a tricky subject. One certainly exists, the other probably doesn’t.

It’s been about 60 years since UFOs entered the public consciousness, but reports of unidentified objects in the sky have been around for centuries, long predating the invention of manned flight. It was in the middle of the 20th century that the mania took off though, and for a while there it must have seemed possible that an actual alien landing on Earth was imminent.

I’ve written about UFOs before since I find the topic intriguing, I’ve never seen one, and I believe those that have are experiencing the same sort of phenomenon that explains ghost sightings, and yet I think the possibility exists that they could exist. Here’s why:

  1. There’s nothing supernatural about them. If we put our minds to it, we humans could build a craft that could traverse interstellar distances.
  2. If we could build such a craft and survive the journey to another planet I’m convinced we would.
  3. This is the most compelling proof: Aliens certainly exist

I’ll get to that last point in a bit, but first more on the second. Just this week NASA announced the possible existence of life-supporting planets about 40 light-years from Earth. Suppose we built a craft that could safely traverse that distance. Using the known laws of physics – in particular with regards to energy  and relativity – it is very, very unlikely we could get to that planet in anything less than thousands of years (and likely far longer). So if we wanted to send our own UFOs to them, no-one could survive the trip. ‘Generational’ craft (that support communities that breed in space) are hardly a possibility given the social and technological obstacles, and suspended animation is science fantasy.

And yet, I am 100% sure that life on other planets exists. The universe is so impossibly – possibly infinitely! – large that Earth is just one tiny planet in one tiny corner of one tiny room. There are trillions upon trillions of other planets like ours out there and it is absurd to think that life evolved only on this one. It is equally ridiculous to suppose we are the most advanced life in the universe, which is to say if we ever could build interstellar craft than ‘someone’ else already has.

But those distances! Those energy requirements! The light speed constraint!

Yes aliens exist. Yes they may be able to build spaceships so advanced we perceive them as magical. But can they actually get here and have people actually seen them? I won’t say for sure, but it seems extremely unlikely.

I could go on, and discuss topics such as time travel, espers, fairies, crop circles and many more but I’ve covered the big ones and I think you could anticipate my thoughts on the others.

While it’s fun to believe – and in fact I want to believe – I’ve become a very rational man and simply don’t. What I do enjoy is the belief of others, so if you are convinced your home is haunted or you saw an alien on a windswept beach one evening then please, please, don’t let anyone tell you it didn’t happen. Memories like this are what makes us unique, and it would be a shame for anyone to ever take them away.